Seinfeld

-Hey. Big news. -Hey.

The dog problem has been solved.

Really? What happened?

Well, there's this rabbi in my building...

You've met him. He's a very nice man.

Isn't he the one with the show on cable?

-Yeah. That's the one. -Right.

Okay, so I spoke to him about the dog.

He went down, talked to the owner,

and she agreed to keep the dog inside from now on.

-That's great. -I know!

That looks pretty good.

He's in.

You know, we haven't even discussed

George's engagement yet.

What's to discuss?

Come on. George is getting married.

Is he happy?

I will never understand the bathrooms in this country.

Why is it the doors on the stalls

do not come all the way down to the floor?

Well, maybe so you can see if there's someone in there.

Isn't that why we have locks on the doors?

Well, as a backup system.

In case the lock is broken, you can see if it's taken.

A backup system?

We're designing bathroom doors with our legs exposed

in anticipation of the locks not working?

That's not a system.

That's a complete breakdown of the system.

Can we change the subject, please?

Why? What's wrong with the subject? This is a bad subject?

No, fine. If you wanna keep talking about it,

we'll talk about it.

It's not that I wanna keep talking about it.

I just think that the subject should resolve itself

based on its own momentum.

Well, I didn't think that it had any momentum.

How am I gonna do this?

I'm engaged to this woman?

She doesn't even like me.

Change the subject? Toilets were the subject.

We don't even share the same interests.

Yeah, he seems pretty happy.

Well, that's all that counts, I guess.

What's the matter?

What? Nothin'.

Well, you don't seem too enthused about the whole thing.

Well, what do you want me to do?

I thought you'd have some reaction to it.

Well, I don't.

I think maybe you're a little jealous.

Oh, what? You think I wanna marry George?

No, but maybe you wish it was you who was getting married, not him.

Oh, please!

That is the last thing that I want.

Oh, yeah, right.

Yeah. Right.

Laney...

Jer-ry!

You don't wanna get married?

That's right. I don't wanna get married.

Oh, come on!

-Oh, you come on! -It's such...

-Oh, hey. -Hey.

Hey, Elaine, listen. I was talking to a friend

about this dog business.

Do you realize this is going to be

on our permanent records? Are you aware of this?

Oh, dear.

It can never be erased.

It'll follow us wherever we go for the rest of our lives.

I'll never be able to get a job!

I mean, doesn't that concern you?

Everything I've worked for, down the drain

because of one stupid mistake.

I mean, aren't we entitled

to make one mistake in our lives, Jerry?

-We gotta change the system. -Yes!

Well, I could care less.

I hope it is on our record.

I'm just sorry they didn't lock me up.

Oh, hello, Rabbi Kursham.

Elaine. Always a pleasure to see you.

Thanks again for taking care of that dog for us.

Elaine, oftentimes in life, there are problems,

and just as often, there are solutions.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose.

Elaine, you don't seem yourself today.

You seem, if I may say, troubled.

No, Rabbi, I'm not myself.

Come upstairs.

We'll have a talk.

Hey.

I want your honest opinion about something.

Have I ever been less than forthright?

No, you haven't.

Well, maybe you have. What do I know?

Yeah, I probably have.

Of course I have. What am I talking about?

Whatever. Okay.

Tell me what you think about this idea:

extend the doors on the toilet stalls

at Yankee Stadium all the way to the floor.

Extend the doors on the toilet stalls

at Yankee Stadium to the floor.

Door comes down, hides your feet.

Yes. I like it. I like it a lot.

It's good, right?

I think it's fantastic. It's a fantastic idea.

-You do? -Yes, I do.

Well, I told it to Susan before,

and she didn't like it.

-Hmm. -Yeah. Not only that,

This is what she said to me: "Can we change the subject?"

-See? Now, that I don't care for. -Right.

I mean, we're on a subject. Why does it have to be changed?

It should resolve of its own volition.

That's exactly what I said!

Except I used the word "momentum."

-"Momentum," same thing. -Same thing.

My God! I'm gettin' married in December.

-Do you know that? -Yeah, I know.

I don't see how I'm gonna make December.

I mean, I need a little more time.

Look at me. I'm a nervous wreck.

My... My stomach aches. My neck is killing me.

I can't turn. Look, look.

-You're turning. -Nah. It's not a good turn!

December! December!

Don't you think we should have a little more time

just to get to know each other a little?

You need more time, you should have more time.

What, you think I could postpone it?

Sure, you can. Why not?

You're allowed to postpone?

I don't see why not.

So I could do that?

Sure, go ahead.

All right.

All right. I'll tell you what.

How about this? I got the date.

March 21st, the first day of spring.

-Spring, of course. -Huh?

You know, spring:

rejuvenation, rebirth.

Everything's blooming, all that crap.

Beautiful.

She's not gonna like it.

No, she's not.

You know, I think I'm a little bit scared of her.

She's 5'3", like 100 pounds. I'm frightened to death of her.

Well, she's a woman.

They don't like to be disappointed.

Especially her.

She does not like disappointment.

Well, I have to do it. I can't make December.

There's no way. Right? You can see that.

I mean, look at me. You can see. Look, look.

Can I make December? I can't make it.

Right? Look. Look!

Yeah, you'd better shoot for March.

March 21st. Hey, hey.

So you're gonna back me on this, right?

Oh, all the way.

You are a good friend. You know what?

Even if you killed somebody, I wouldn't turn you in.

Oh, is that so?

Kramer, if I killed somebody, would you turn me in?

Definitely.

You're kidding?

No, no. I would turn you in.

You would turn me in?

I wouldn't even think about it.

I can't believe it. You're supposed to be a friend.

What kind of person are you, going around killing people?

Well, I'm sure I had a good reason.

Well, if you'll kill this person,

who's to say I wouldn't be next?

But you know me.

I thought I did.

I really appreciate

your taking time to talk with me, Rabbi.

You know, I'm not of your faith.

In fact, I'm not a very religious person,

but, um...

I do feel as if I'm in need of some guidance here.

Would you care for a snack of some kind?

I have the SnackWells, which are very popular.

Although I think sometimes

with the so-called fat-free cookies,

people may overindulge,

forgetting that they may be high in calories.

No. No, thank you. I'm not very hungry.

Anyway, um...

This friend of mine, George, got engaged.

How wonderful.

Yeah, yeah. Well...

for some reason, um...

Well, I find myself just overcome