Neighborhood Watch

Have a seat wherever you like, hon.

I'm Simon.

I'm here for the job interview.

Okay.

I'll go let the manager know you're here.

You can wait there.

Thank you.

So, Simon.

I was hoping you could, uh, clarify something for me.

Mm-hm.

You wrote here

that you were last employed ten years ago.

Yes.

And nothing since?

No.

Have you been in school?

Um...no.

May I ask why there's such a gap in your employment history?

Um...

I had some, uh, medical problems.

I was in a hospital.

Oh, um, I see.

Here's the thing, Simon.

We were really...

Well, here it comes.

We're about 30 seconds away from "Thanks for coming in.

Now, go fuck yourself, crazy boy."

How does it feel knowing you can't even

jockey menus to senior citizens?

Maybe you could sing for the customers?

You like to sing, don't you?

Yeah, of course you do.

You're just a little girl who likes to sing.

Go away.

Oh, you think 'cause you start some new pills,

you're gonna get rid of me?

You know there's only one way to get rid of me.

You couldn't even get that right.

Are you okay, Mister McNally?

The colorless ideas do not sleep tonight!

Um, are you sure you're okay?

Yes. Yes! Everything's fine.

Well, thank you for coming in.

We will hold onto this and I, uh,

I--I'll let you know.

Deerman, what a surprise.

Isn't there supposed to be an officer

on duty in the cafeteria at all times?

Deerman, how many times do I have to tell you?

You don't work here anymore.

This is assault, man.

This guy maced me.

Did you spray this kid?

Deerman, what did you spray this kid with?

Hand over what you lifted.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Sure you do.

Campus security.

Right.

Well, I'm late for class, so you just let me know

when we get to the part where I give a shit.

Oh, okay.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my god!

Hand sanitizer?

He has a backpack stuffed full of muffins, bagels.

Whatever he could get his little thieving hands on.

You sprayed this kid in the face with hand sanitizer?

You took away my pepper spray, so I had to improvise.

My eyes are on fucking fire, man.

Come on.

-Stop whining. - God!

Uncuff him.

Now!

-Kendra. - Mm-hm.

Grab the emergency eyewash out of the first aid kit.

Take this kid to the bathroom and help him wash out his eyes.

You're not gonna call the cops?

If I call the cops on anyone, it's gonna be on you.

I saw these locks you ordered for

the security patrol bikes.

- What about them? - They're tubular.

And?

Jesus H. Christ on a cracker.

Don't you know how easy it is to pick a tubular lock?

I mean, these bikes represent a hefty share

of our entire year's security budget.

It's not our security budget anymore, Deerman.

It is my security budget.

And this is how you protect the investment,

by getting a bunch of locks that any 9-year-old could pick

with a BIC pin in less than ten seconds?

God damn it.

Who's minding the store since I've left?

I! I am minding the store.

You know, Deerman,

there are two types of failures in this world.

Has-beens and never-wases.

You are a never-was.

And I don't care about the opinion of a never-was.

I think it would be best for everyone

if you don't come around here for a while.

Freak.

Oh. Birdy, is it time for the interview?

Uh, it already happened.

What?

How'd you get there?

Um, you know, same way I got everywhere

before I moved back.

Took the bus.

Well, I would have driven you.

You were sleeping.

Yeah, but still, I would have (yawns).

It's fine. It's fine.

I'm--I'm used to doing things on my own.

So, how'd it go?

Who's that?

Uh, it's a telemarketer.

How did it go? Feel good about it?

Don't you have--you have class at noon, right?

Oh, damn it!

Got a histology quiz today.

Ugh.

Um, hey, I was thinking that maybe, uh, Saturday

we could hit up Dooley's, you know?

Karaoke night, after I get off work.

Be fun.

Uh, no, thanks.

It's not really my thing anymore.

Not your thing?

You used to light that place up when you sang.

What happened to the kid I used to have to drag out

of there at closing because he had to do just one more?

I don't know. I wish I knew.

Mm.

Hey, Simon. You can come in now.

Can we do something about the spasms?

I wish we could, but tardive dyskinesia is,

unfortunately, very common for patients taking

Risperdal and Loxapine.

I mean, I'd switch you to something else,

but nothing else we've given you

has been as effective.

How are your symptoms?

Nothing to report.

No word salad, no hallucinations?

No.

I know you mentioned before

that you sometimes feel like people

are watching you under your bed, in your closet.

How's that?

Fine. Totally gone.

Totally?

Yeah.

Look at me when I'm talking to you!

Ah!

I don't want to get angry.

I don't.

I just want you to see respecting of things

'cause I fair respect.

Where were you before me? Huh, baby girl?

We feed you. We clothe you.

We keep you warm.

Do either of us get an ounce of goddamn gratitude?!

What are you doing? Huh?!

You fucking bitch!

Oh my, this looks serious.

The prince disintegrates in the morning.

The prince disintegrates in the morning.

Good thing you can't even

put a sentence together.

Just go home, you babbling moron.

What's wrong?

Seeing things again?

One, two, three.

Now they're getting away,

and that's your cue to freeze up and stand there,

just like you did when I broke your sister's jaw.

You couldn't do anything then, and you won't do anything now.

3-1-4.