Porky's 3: Revenge (Porky's Revenge)

The hopes, the dreams...

the aspirations of a striving people...

for a better world to live in.

The future is with us today.

Their bright, shining faces...

are ours.

These young people will Sally forth for us...

carrying the banner of decency...

love, honesty...

intelligence...

and they will forge our coming world.

They will be our hairdressers...

undertakers...

automobile salesmen...

sex therapists...

interior decorators...

gynecologists..

And perhaps...

a President of our United States.

And today...

we celebrate their beginnings.

I proudly give you...

our graduating class.

Pat Rosen...

Robin Gallup...

Mitzi DeBella...

David Marwood...

Kimberly... Oh, Jesus. Kimberly Ann... Bah!

Jonathon Martin...

Max Clooney, Jefrey Jay Numan...

Jennifer Grant, Inga Johansson...

Edward Morris...

Pee Wee! Pee Wee!

You're gonna be late for school again.

- Do you intend never to graduate? - Mmm.

Where'd you get it?

My cousin at Southern Methodist sent it to me.

How long can we keep it?

Long as we want. He says we're sexually ignorant.

- I guess we'll see. - Yep.

Hey, you guys! Wait'll you see what we got!

Hey, hold on. Pee Wee's telling us about his dream.

- So then she takes out this gazoombie. - Gazoombie? What's that?

You kn... You know. Num-nums, choo-choos, tits!

You know, she flashes everybody right in the middle of the graduation ceremony.

The biggest gazoombie I ever saw. This girl was practically deformed.

Then Carter steps on my gown, and the whole graduating class is looking at my wiener.

They'd need magnifying glasses to see your wiener.

It's more like a wienerette.

Oh, yeah? When they saw it, I got a standing ovation.

They were standing to get a better look.

At least I had something they wanted to see, Wendy.

We've got something you'll all want to see.

A stag film.

- A real stag film? - You're too young, Pee Wee.

- Your growth is stunted enough. - Come on, Meat!

- You gotta let me see it! You gotta! - I don't know, Pee Wee.

This has got more beaver in it than the entire state of Wisconsin.

They say you can go blind from lookin' at stuff like that.

No, the only way you'll go blind is by lookin' at it like that.

Yeah, well, you got any better ideas?

Well, I am the President of the Audiovisual Club.

Hey, guys, what's he doin' to her now?

Ah, looks like he's tryin' to take her temperature.

Yeah, without a thermometer'?

Oh, I'm sure he'll think of something.

Shit!

Look familiar, guys?

Yeah, looks like your entire arm.

That's disgusting! Hey, you're blockin' my view.

Close the door, pecker-breath! The light's comin' in!

Decency demands that the culprit be thrown out of school.

These pupils don't deserve to graduate.

They're sick. They're perverted.

They're retarded.

Mr. Carter! Mr. Carter, I demand to know...

what you intend to do about this!

- Mr. Carter! - Huh?

Oh. Oh, yes. This is awful.

Awful!

Especially the woman with the big ti... with the big ti...

Gazoombies?

I am ashamed at each and every one of you.

What have you got to say for yourselves?

Maybe you'd better explain to them what will happen if the culprit...

who's responsible for this schlock film doesn't step forward.

Yes. Uh...

- What will happen? - Expulsion!

- For all of them. - Right, right.

Who is responsible?

Uh, Mr. Carter...

I brought it in.

But I don't think the film can be fairly judged...

without viewing it in its entirety.

How's that?

Uh, he means, it's true... there is some nudity.

- "Some nudity"? - But I can assure you...

before the principal performers disrobed...

- they were fully clothed. - That's right.

- It's an. - It's filth.

Disgusting, naked filth!

Uh, Miss Balbricker, if I may be so bold, that's your characterization.

They all had boners!

Mr. Carter, I will not stand here and be accused of having a boner.

Uh, this particular film was, uh, directed...

by the infamous... Sven.

- Ah. - Sven Svlinken from "Sveden."

- Oh! Svlinken from "Sveden." - It's trash! Garbage! Gunk!

And we're late for class.

Oh, yes. Uh, yes. Good idea. Uh, go back to your classes.

Except McCarty and Turner.

- I haven't finished with you two yet. - Good luck, guys.

Uh, when, uh... When can we arrange a screening?

Uh, I'll have to check the schedule...

because the projectors are sort of tied up for the safety films.

- Uh, safety films? - You know... Uh...

Come on, guys. Pick it up. There's too much gloom around here.

Are you kiddin'? They're kicking our asses out there.

Angel Beach hasn't been in the state finals in over 20 years.

Maybe it's 'cause your cheers are crummy. Why don't you get new ones?

- What's wrong with our cheers? - Apparently, they're not working.

If you really want to help us...

why don't you throw a victory party after the game?

Okay. If you win, you got it.

And we're not talking about a milk and cookies party. We want an orgy.

- Orgy? - Yeah, I think Tommy has a point here.

That's what the Roman women did for the gladiators after a big battle.

They threw a victory orgy.

- Forget it. - No way!

- What do you think? - I'm with you.

- I'm in. - It's worth a shot.

- The slumber party cheer. - Change the words?

- Let's do it. - All right! Let's go!

Not you. Go on! Go!

Okay! Angel Beach, strong and Hardy!

Win the game, have a party!

We decided you were right! Put it in the basket! fight, fight, fight!

Roman women give in, in, in.

Use your balls and win, win, win!

Wow! Go!

The score is tied. The game is tied at 70.

Twenty-seven seconds left to decide who goes to the state championship.

Number four, Edward Morris...

replacing Crutcher for Angel Beach.

Angel Beach! Angel Beach! Angel Beach!

Angel Beach wins!

They're on the way to the state championship.

Whoo!

- Meat! Meat! - Yes.

Did you see the girl in the fourth row? Beautiful. Blonde all over.

Oh, that's Inga. She's the Swedish foreign exchange student.

That's the girl in my dream!

Buddy, your motor's running. Why don't you save it for the orgy.

Good game, Coach.

What are you guys doing here?

You shouldn't be on school grounds.

Yeah? What are you gonna do? Give us detention?

Look, I don't exactly have all the money right now.

I'll-I'll talk to Porky.

I can get the rest of the money in about a month or so.

Now, look. You's the one that come in to Porky's.

You's the one that got drunk. Now, we asked you not to gamble.

I - I know. I got... carried away.

You'll get carried away again...

in pieces.

You heard it all, huh?

No, not a word.

So, uh, when is this orgy supposed to begin?

As soon as my parents leave.

They just wanted to say hello. They're not gonna stay very long.

Neither are we.

Well, I guess we gotta be going.

That's too bad.

Sorry. We gotta have dinner with the Franklins.

- Aw! - Oh, well.

Listen, if it's that important, I mean...

Have a great time!

- Bye-bye. - Drive fast.

Have fun.

Well, ladies, let's go.

- Let's orgy! - Let's get it on!

- Hell, no. Let's get it off. - Hold it!

What? What's this?

Now, you'll line up like good little Roman soldiers.

Pay attention. Follow the rules.

First, we all get undressed.

- They're taking it off. - Let's go, gentlemen.

We're gonna get laid! We're gonna get laid!

I hope you don't get scared.

It's amazing what my fertile mind can come up with.

I can't believe they're gonna go through with it.

We're gonna get laid!

Well, Billy, you'll finally get to see your girl naked.

- She's not bad, either. - Oh, very funny.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Come on. In the pool!

Last one in is the last one in.

Roman soldiers in the deep end.

Orgy time!

This water's cold.

Hey, where's Meat?