The Most Dangerous Animal of All

The problem with the people that run tech companies

is that they become fanatics,

end up thinking they're messiahs.

I've had the fear of abandonment

as far as I can remember.

There is a primal wound that adoptees have.

If you weren't loved enough to be kept,

how can you...

expect someone else to love you,

if you can't love yourself?

We told Gary he was adopted early in life.

We had him since he was three-and-a-half months old,

so he was ours.

My parents, my adopted family,

they were my biggest supporters.

But feelings of insecurity

were there from as early as I can remember.

When we were teenagers,

I noticed Gary really starting to struggle with his identity.

Even though we've had a fairy tale childhood,

there's still a wound that

I don't think heals until you know where you came from.

Your self-confidence and self-esteem

tells you that you weren't loved enough to be kept.

And part of that is what's

driven me to be successful

at almost everything I've done.

What contributed to my business success

certainly didn't help me with personal relationships.

I've been married five times.

I wasn't gonna let somebody leave me again and hurt me.

I would always leave first.

I have had trust issues all of my life,

and the only time that I didn't feel that,

for the first time in my life,

was the day Zach was born.

Maybe he wouldn't see the flaws,

and maybe he would love me...

just because I was Dad.

Zach has a son now, so I'm a grandfather.

What'd you do?

But, I still have this continual need...

for that reassurance that you really are loved.

So, thank God I have Kristy.

She is my rock.

She is my support

because as hard as I try,

that fear of abandonment never goes away.

And then, you know, I think about my birth parents,

and who they might be today,

and what led them to give me up.

Prior to the '70s,

all adoptions in the state ofLouisiana were closed adoptions.

So, I'd given up trying to find my biological parents.

And then one day, after 39 years,

it happened.

And I never could've imagined

what I was about to uncover.

I'd remember Dad saying,

"a lady from San Francisco

"contacted your mother,

claiming to be your real mother."

I'll never forget how

he said "real mother."

It's like, wait, I have a real mother,

and she's right here.

I was kinda scared to tell you,

and we knew that you wanted to know.

And we never kept secrets with y'all.

When they told me, Mom...

put her arm around my waist,

and she squeezed me...

and said, "I will always be your mom."

This was 2002, the eve of Mother's Day.

And because it's Mother's Day, I'm feeling guilty.

But, I knew I had to speak to her.

This is Gary Stewart,

and I think you may be my mother.

And, if so,

I would like to wish you,

for the first time in 39 years,

a Happy Mother's Day.

It was like a thousand prayers answered,

or maybe a million prayers answered.

And I said to Gary a number of times

in the initial conversation about,

"I'm not try-- I don't need anything.

"I don't want anything.

I really only wanted to know that you were okay."

And I got on a plane and flew to San Francisco

to meet her for the first time.

Seeing him walking towards me and...

It was a memory I will never forget.

- That first hug. - It just came so natural,

and we spent the entire next week together.

It was almost time to go home,

and I just felt the time was right to ask my mother...

who-who was my father.

And she said, "Well, honey.

"It's been a long time,

"and I've spent my life

"trying to forget that time.

But, I think his name was Van."

"I was young,

"underage,

and we were on the run."

Hearing this, I couldn't imagine how

she couldn't remember who my father's name was.

The desire to know who my father was overcame me,

and that's when I decided I had to find him.

I never could've predicted what I would ultimately discover,

and over the next 12 years,

the desire to find my father would totally consume me.

After I met my mother,

we talked quite often over the next year.

But the more questions I asked her about my father,

the more she said she didn't remember.

I didn't wanna hear, "I don't remember."

I had too many questions, andthere were not enough answers.

And he would ask me the same question

over and over again,

and I really couldn't convince him that

I wasn't able, and maybe didn't even want,

to remember a lot of it.

I think that Judy

remembers everything.

She claims she doesn't remember,

so that she doesn't have to face what she did.

And then I received a letter that indicated

that Jude knew much more than she had let on.

She had contacted some people in Louisiana

that were in the business of helping

birth parents find their children.

My mother had written a letter and stated specifically,

"My husband's name

was Earl Van Best Jr."

But the most disturbing thing was she said,

"Gary's story...

would be newsworthy."

That makes your heart stop.

What was newsworthy?

So, at that point,

it was very clear to me that my mother

wasn't being completely truthful with me.

He didn't believe that I didn't remember,

but I definitely wanted to help Gary.

And so, I called my friend,

Harold Butler in

the San Francisco Police Department.

Harold Butler gave me my father's name,

date of birth, place of birth,social security number.

So, I took that information to the social security office,

and they informed me that no death benefits

had been paid on behalf of my father.

So, that gave me hope

that my father was still alive.

Harold Butler also gave me what he said

was an old DMV photo of my father.

When I first saw the photo of my father,

I was shocked.

My father was still and lifeless.

I felt the most...

indescribable sense of

fear.

But, I just had to find my father,

and nothing was gonna stop me from finding him.

At my request,

my mother went back to Harold Butler,

asking for more information.

Harold Butler told my mother,

"Just tell Gary to drop it.

"What Gary's father

"went on to do later in life

"would make what his father did to you and Gary

seem inconsequential."

Gary is not getting the answers

that he wanted from the police.

So, I suggested that we go

to the San Francisco Library

and look for newspaper articles.

There must be something.

I began searching the contents of every newspaper

from 1961 to 1963.

The articles detailing Van and Judy's illicit romance

and life on the run appeared one after the other.

My father met my mother for the first time

as she was getting off of a school bus.

He was 27, and she was just 14.

Some people have said that my mother looked older.

She could've passed for 19 or 20.

But she was getting off of a school bus.

I remember there was a man standing there,

and he spoke to me,

and I spoke to him, I guess.

And then I was walking away to go home,

and he was behind me.

And the next day, he was there again.

I don't think I was interested at the beginning,

but the guy just kept showing up.

He invited her into an ice cream shop,