Mad Men

O-wee-o, o-wee-o.

We got the poverty. Where is the dough?

O-wee-o, o-wee-o.

We got the poverty. Where is the dough?

Shut up!

Get a job!

Somebody call the cops?

That's all there is, cops, and negroes, and priests.

You're walking in a circle.

It must be hot out there.

What are you doing?

You hit one.

Hey, watch the work.

To the men's room.

Less promises, more money!

Do you know somebody's throwing water bombs out your windows?

What are you talking about?

Everybody saw it was coming from this floor.

We all saw it.

This is the executive floor. That's utterly ridiculous.

Don't you call us ridiculous.

Is this what Madison Avenue represents?

And they call us savages.

What are you doing up?

I thought this was the bathroom.

It's down there.

Okay.

You want breakfast?

Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you.

We should wait for his cake.

We're not gonna be here on his actual birthday.

Thank you.

It's from all of us.

We'll go to the deli for dinner tonight and have cherry cheesecake.

Open it now.

Yes, ma'am.

- Can I turn the bacon? - No.

I love it.

- Good morning, everybody. - Morning.

- Hi, Megan. - Hi.

That's so nice.

He needs one of those.

It's a badger, from its tail.

- What are we doing today? - We're going to the Statue of Liberty.

You always say that, but we never do.

You hungry?

Just black coffee for me.

Okay, everybody.

Have a happy birthday.

Thank you, Sals.

How old are you gonna be?

Forty.

So, when you're 40, how old will I be?

You'll be dead.

We're not gonna see you next weekend,

but we'll see you the weekend after.

- That's the 11th. - If you say so.

You'll be 70.

That's right.

You're not gonna come in?

No, but give Morticia and Lurch my love.

Flick the porch light when you get there, all right?

- All right. - Good night, animals.

Say good night, honey.

Good night, Daddy.

Get your brother's hand.

Bye.

You're losing your head there.

Dandruff.

It's spit-up.

I saw your wife dropping you off.

Such a sweet scene.

Yes.

She has quite a smile.

She's getting back to herself.

How old is the kid?

I thought it would be a little faster.

Does she cry all the time?

No.

She just...

There was a time when she wouldn't leave the house in a robe.

Listen, there's a point

when you go from going home on the 5:25 to the 7:05.

If you finally learn how to drive, you can push it to 9:30.

You're getting the wrong impression.

Or not come home at all.

Beth and I got into it so bad the other night,

I just jumped in the car and drove.

Made it all the way to some motel in Rocky Hill.

Put my fist through a wall.

Howard, don't get emotional again.

Maybe she's right.

Maybe I am a little selfish.

I said I needed time with my thoughts.

She asked me what I do at work all day.

They don't understand.

Greenwich. Next stop, Greenwich, Port Chester, Rye...

Who am I kidding? It's nothing a little peace wouldn't fix.

There you go.

Morning.

Of course. I'll let him know.

- Was that for me? - No.

- Who was it? - Really?

Fine. What's Don up to today?

I see a lot of napping and pillow talk.

That's your schedule.

You all had the status meeting 20 minutes ago.

Can't you sit over there once in a while?

What if I have someone important coming in?

When you have somebody come in, I will sit over there.

Here, why don't you buy yourself

a fancy hat or a mask or something?

No, thank you.

All I'm asking for is a few hours a day

where the world might mistake you for my secretary.

Joan said you were supposed to share.

And his phone rings more.

Joan's not here. And you just took $50 from me.

Let your conscience be your guide.

That feels good.

That feels so much better.

Yeah.

I was right. Somebody was very wet.

When you were that size, I used to change you every hour

whether you needed it or not.

I don't know how many times I have to say this.

Those go in the cabinet in the hallway.

I'm sorry.

I thought it'd be easier if they were near your bathroom.

I didn't mean it that way.

I haven't slept.

And I just feel cooped up in here.

I think it's bad for Kevin to be out there until I'm done cleaning the oven, the fumes.

I don't know why you had to do that on a hot summer day.

Anyway, I think we're about to run out of formula.

I'll get your purse.

Hello.

Hello, you. We're gonna take a nap. Would you like that?

You want to lay in the bed with Mommy?

A ten?

You buying his formula or yours?

I'll take him for a walk.

Oh, God, would you?

You're gonna go with Grandma Gail. That's where you're gonna go.

Close the door.

How was everybody's weekend?

Great. We all went waterskiing together.

- Made a human pyramid. - I was here.

Splendid. So, I trust you're adequately prepared for the Heinz presentation.

Yes, boss. We have almost everything.

Just short Mrs. Draper's work. She's writing the coupons.

Has Don signed off?

He's late, and so is she, coincidently.

Ciara.

Ciara!

She should have just rolled over and said, "Don, what do you think of this?"

I bet she says that every morning.

Come on, it's 11:00.

- No sunbathing? - No.

Look, we had a three-day weekend and you didn't do anything?

That's not my calendar.

Ciara.

How was your weekend?

- Ciara, is Mr. Draper in yet? - No.

You're late for the status meeting.

You should probably go prepare instead of molesting my secretary.

Well, sweetheart, the torture's over. Let the fun begin.

My office is 30 yards away.

So when I hit that buzzer, I'm trying to save myself

a trip through the miracle of telephonics.

Mr. and Mrs. Draper are here.

- Good morning. - So sorry, we overslept.

That's not true. I did.

How was Memorial Day?

It was nice. We had my kids.

You had the status meeting at 10:00.

- Morning. - Good morning.

Did you read about Y&R's paper bag drop?

I did.

- I don't see the humor. - It's funny.

I mean, if nothing else, it serves them right for stealing Pond's.

And what does one thing have to do with the other?

They stole the Pond's account, and now they're a laughingstock.

Makes me feel better.

Gentlemen, shall we mosey on over to the conference room?

We did have a meeting at 10:00.

Morning, Lane, clipboard.

We should run a want ad saying something like,

"Sterling Cooper, an equal opportunity employer."

"Our windows don't open."

As tempting as it sounds,

I don't know if we need to be spending money

to further their embarrassment.

Look, if there's no line item for humiliating the competition,

Don will write it and I'll pay for it.

But you're not allowed to read it.

Forget the want ads. The advertising column.

I want them to see it.

So, Heinz is coming in. Don?