Bullet in the Face

Same bad dream?

Yeah.

You see the shooter's face?

Uh-uh.

Here...

Let Mama relax you.

Stop calling yourself "Mama".

I don't want to be in bed with my mother.

Relax, baby.

And quit calling me baby.

I don't want to be a baby in bed with my mother.

I'm adult in size.

Mm-hmm.

I was home last night,

all night, alone.

- Shhh! - Oh.

I'm not going to let you

call me horrible names.

No, I won't let you text-message me those same horrible names.

Au revoir.

Tannhauser, he knows you're cheating, hmm?

But he doesn't know with who.

He doesn't know I'm who.

- He'll find out soon. - Hmm...

I'm pregnant.

How could that happen?

When you put your penis inside me,

moved it in and out

and ejaculated spermatozoa,

that makes babies.

You told me you were safe,

that your vagina was as barren as Somalia!

You cannot have this baby. You-

Martine, if you have this baby,

I will shove it back up your womb!

Good morning, Bruteville! The truce between

gang leaders Tannhauser and Racken continues.

The city is finally at peace.

You're both late, hmm?

You look so healthy.

You must be getting more protein in your diet, hmm?

? Hello, baby Pick up the phone ?

What's the job, Lustig?

Oh, this store is run by Jews too cheap

to hire a security guard.

They pay protection money to Racken,

so Tannhauser wants to hit the store.

Ja, ja? Send a message.

That he wants to start a war. It's about time.

I have an itch on my trigger finger.

Tannhauser wishes to speak with you.

Good morning, Herr Tannhauser!

Why do you call me Herr?

Call me Johann. 'Tis my name. You know me.

Gunter, you are my rock star. You know this?

You kill everything I ask you to kill.

You've even killed extra things,

like dogs and cats along the way,

people just crossing the road.

You killed everyone on that boat.

You drowned them from the inside. It was beautiful.

You killed that guy at his wedding with piano wire

while he was playing piano.

I love you for this stuff.

Today, you've got a simple thing.

Simple thing. It's a jewellery robbery.

While you're doing it, kill Martine, will you?

Any particular reason?

Yeah, she's been unfaithful.

Just kill her.

Why not kill her yourself?

I don't wanna kill her. You kill her.

You love killing things! You kill everything you see.

You even tried to kill me once. You tried to kill yourself once!

Come on, you crazy bastard!

Kill her! Do it! You'd love it.

Wrap yourself in jewels and kill her.

You're acting like a snail on a wet Friday. What's going on?

Nothing, sir.

You made me what I am today...

insane.

Yes, I did, didn't I?

All right, bye-bye.

Good morning!

I am Gunter Vogler,

and you are about to be robbed

by a master criminal.

Sadly, you will not be able

to tell your friends and family about it

because I will be killing most of you today.

It is just my nature.

Is that Mossad?

Oy...

Auf wiedersehen!

Lock and load!

- Kill Martine. - I'm pregnant.

Kill Martine... - I'm pregnant...

Just kill her.

Drop your gun...

or my face is the last thing you will ever see.

I say we kill the bastard.

Even the most vicious animal on the planet, a wolf,

has more compassion than this monster.

The most vicious animal on the planet is not a wolf, Hagerman.

It's a hippopotamus.

And Gunter Vogler is my secret weapon.

I will finally bring Johann Tannhauser to justice.

It won't work.

It's like trying to find a word that rhymes with "vinegar".

"Miniature".

What the hell is this?

Who must I kill to get out of here?

Oh, Mr. Vogler, show a little gratitude.

A team of surgeons worked very hard to save your life.

Why is my face so sore?

It feels like my anus after consuming too much paprika.

Your face was destroyed.

You've been given a full facial transplant.

What are you talking about, bitch?

Show respect, mongrel.

You're talking to the police commissioner.

And whose voice is that?

Whoever it was sounds unappealing to women.

Lt. Hagerman.

- You killed my partner. - Oh!

And all my partners before him.

We, better get a new one...

...or I might kill you just to keep my quota up.

Mr. Vogler,

you will be the next one killed

unless you agree to work for law enforcement.

Careful.

Ah!

What?

Who's face am I looking at?

The face of my partner,

the man you murdered,

my best friend.

You don't deserve to have his face!

It makes me want to vomit a baked ham.

No, don't shoot!

He can't!

He cannot shoot his best friend!

Unlike me, who shot all my friends,

including one on his birthday.

Go ahead, Mr. Policeman. Shoot!

Shoot! Take your revenge!

? Wooly bully ?

? I feel it ?

? Oh woolly bully Ooh ooh ooh ooh ?

? Wooly bully Ah ah ?

What is that?

A little yellow gun!

What does it shoot? Lemonade?

No, electrical current.

And you're going to shoot me with that?

- Yes. - Shit!

Ah!

Lady Commissioner.

Nice outfit.

Very authority-figure flattering.

Mr. Vogler...

what do you recall about being shot in the face?

That it sucked!

I shot the cop

who I am now having too much face time with...

and a bad hair day.

He managed to squeeze off a shot.

But I pulled the trigger first!

That fellow did not shoot me!

No...

That fello did not.

What the hell is this? A special edition video?

This is a fake.

Why would that woman shoot me?

We had dinner reservations later!

I don't know,

but why not find out,

Gunter Vogler?

One woman kills you,

another one resurrects you.

I've given you a new identity

and access to law- enforcement resources

to seek revenge on those who betrayed you.

What do you say?

What do I say?

Give me a badge.

Ah, Martine.

Naughty, naughty girl.

Look who it is!

Welcome back.

We're all very happy that you survived the bullet wound.

Oh! Not as happy as I am.

You'll be reunited with your old partner, Lt. Hagerman...

Oh! Pow! Hee hee hee!

...who is delighted to see you, yes?

I've warned everyone that you're not exactly your same, old self.

- Oh! - Had a little memory loss.

And interestingly,

now you speak with a German accent.