Crocodylus: Mating Season

- Hey, what do you say when I get rid of these tourists,

we swab the deck?

Terrible.

You're at full mast.

Whoops.

Ahoy there land lubbers.

Welcome to me, vessel and out to sea.

It's a lake.

Is he gonna talk like that the whole time?

- Is this where we get the alligator tour?

Aye lass, and let me tell you,

best alligator tour in the whole of Florida.

It better be for 79.99 a tour.

- I don't wanna see the stupid gators,

just sit there.

- We have to see the gators, we're in Florida.

There'll be no refunds.

- Can't we like ski or something?

Don't worry, pumpkin.

Do you have any skis?

- Ah, we'll see what we've got for you.

Well, we have this, captain.

Perfect.

A floaty for the wee lass.

Oh, look at the lungs on pop.

I'm sure he could float it up.

Welcome aboard.

Watch out for the crocodylus

on your perilous alligator tour.

All the dangerous spots are marked on the map.

Stupid crocodylus isn't real.

I hope not.

- Are you guys ready for some fun?

Aye.

- Are you ready for the adventure?

Aye let's go out to sea.

Are you ready to see some alligators?

Aye.

Having a good trip so far?

- Eventually we might have some alligators

on this alligator tour.

- Well, let me tell you something.

Do you see that big tree?

Right below it is where I found the leg

of the little boy that was taken by crocodylus.

You found a severed leg?

- Aye, lass, I used to be a lawman.

Until the crocodylus attacks.

I've seen things a man would never see.

Things that would keep you awake at night.

The bloody murder.

The claws, the teeth.

This guy's really good.

- He just looking for bigger tips.

Okay, whatever, man.

Can I just go tubing now.

Off we go.

Oh.

All right.

Okay, hun?

Okay.

- This is so great, she's finally having fun.

So, crocodylus is real, huh?

Aye, it sure is.

But the beast was slain many years ago.

Oh.

- You got nothing to worry about on this lake.

- But it killed a lot of people, right?

- Honey, that is not a good thing to ask.

Why, it's just a question,

it's part of the experience, right?

Let me tell you something.

When you get back to the gift shop,

I've got crocodylus T-shirts at discounted rates,

especially for you guys.

Joan, Joan.

Joan. - Joan!

Where'd she go?

I'm sure she's fine.

She had a life vest on.

She had a life vest on, right?

She had a life vest on.

Yeah, okay.

- We're gonna need a bigger float.

Joan.

It's alive!

It's alive!

Crocodylus!

Hey.

- Oh shit. - Hey.

Stop! Hey you.

Hey.

Hey, you, I'm talking to you.

Can I help you?

- Yeah, man, we saw you pointing a camera at us.

Were you taking a picture of us?

No, no.

It was a bird.

I'm a birder.

It was a falcon.

- Yeah. - A Millennium Falcon.

Where? I love those.

Oh.

Gimme that camera.

I don't know what

you're talking about. - Gimme that camera.

Dude, I'm gonna beat this car in

until you gimme that camera.

- Does it look like I care if you beat Darlene?

- Just gimme the footage and I'll stop beating on Darlene.

Stop.

It's Eileen.

It's a good song.

- Look, I really, I really don't know

what you're talking about.

Oh, okay, what website?

What?

What website do you work for?

Oh, are you somebody famous?

- What, you never heard of Slade?

Oh, wait, your name is Slade?

I thought it was Johnny.

Stop, both of you.

Oh, so you're not paparazzi.

Oh, you must be working for my wife.

How much is she paying you?

I'll give you 200 for the photos.

- Look, I'm a man of integrity, all right.

- 300. - Do you have cash?

Shit.

Okay.

Does he treat you like that?

Stupid, I'm not a memory card.

If I ever see your face again.

You won't.

But ah, think you guys could gimme a little push?

Oh, I'll push ya.

Come on babe.

I don't believe this.

Doesn't bring me any joy

to show you these pictures, Ms. Honeyworth.

- I can't believe he would do something like this.

I mean, I guess he had all these mysterious meetings.

In my experience,

if you don't think you can trust someone,

you're probably right.

You'll be better off.

My secretary, Christina will be able to take care of you

right out front.

We got him dead to rights.

So just think about all the money that you're-

I don't want money Mr. Bates,

I just want my husband.

Well, if you don't want money,

we take cash, credit, several apps.

- I've had many lovers, you know.

None of them have been like my Slade.

- Yeah, I don't need to know any that.

Christina will take care of you.

- Oh, he used to do this one thing with an ice cube.

Oh, he would take the ice cube