F+

Let's talk about plans.

Everything you've ever loved,

every cool thing that's ever existed,

it started with a plan.

What you're looking at right now, that's my plan.

My entire life mapped out in exacting detail,

year by year, goal by goal.

This is what I do.

I plan.

And my plans always work.

Until they don't.

Ted! Ted, Ted!

Get up, we're out of time. Hurry!

Where are my pants?

- Ted, there's no time, you have to get up now!

- My pants. - Freeman!

Come on, Ted! Move!

My pants!

I know what you're thinking.

"How did I, Ted Freeman, Dean's list member,

Honor Roll recipient,

and straight A student end up like this?"

Well, I guess it all started with the SPLAT.

- The Specialized Placement Achievement Test,

the mother of all standardized testing,

the decider of your future.

Typical.

Everyone here actually tries.

And you two just breeze on through.

Oh, hi, Penny.

Nice to see you too.

- Let your intellect be your sword, logic your armor.

- It's not like you're gonna pass the SPLAT anyway,

but Ted ought to know better.

Ted doesn't need to worry

because Ted has the highest scores in the entire school.

And what rank are you again?

Hmm, let me think.

Oh, I remember number two.

As always.

- Guys, we're gonna miss something.

- Springdale Magnet, put your hands together

for Sammie Steambear.

- Feeling trapped? Feeling stressed?

Feeling helpless?

Why, it's nothing a little magic can't fix!

With a little preparation and a simple wave of the hand,

you too can watch in wonderment as your stress disappears!

Garbage in, garbage out.

Wow!

Chad, everyone!

The Amazing Chad!

Oh, the Amazing Chad!

All right, and how about those sound and lighting effects?

All computer controlled

by my brilliant daughter, Gertrude Neely!

If anyone's interested and looking for a bestie,

she's available.

She's super.

Gertz!

- Okay, so as you guys know, I am Principal Neely.

Neely!

Thank you. Thank you.

And welcome to Springdale Magnet School Prep Rally!

As you know, Springdale Magnet School

for the Arts and Sciences, it's a really special place

where we value unconventional gifts here.

But to do that, there's a trade off,

and that's the SPLAT test.

It's the most important test of your middle school careers,

and tomorrow you're going to sit there and take it.

I trust you've used these past few weeks to study up,

because you know that this magnet program

depends on the outcome of these tests.

If the magnet test fails, then many of you

will have to go back to your zoned schools.

- Can you imagine going to different schools?

It would suck, we'd never even get to hang out.

I mean, take me, for example.

I didn't get to go to a magnet school, and look at me.

- Knowing my dad, he'd probably just ship me off

to the army or something.

No, he wouldn't.

Would he?

- You really never make those bonds with people.

And then you try and you get married,

and then that doesn't work out.

He cheats, so you know-

Anyway, nevermind, so now to teach you

some totally sick stress relieving techniques

is Mr. Gary Garrie, our guidance counselor.

- Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody.

That was a lot, huh?

Well, that goes to show us

how much Principal Neely loves this magnet program.

Okay?

She beat out a lot of qualified candidates to get this job.

And it's our job to make sure that we don't let her down!

Now, let's talk about stress.

Stress ain't groovy. - No.

- It's not groovy at all. - No.

- It's a bummer. - Yeah.

Okay? A straight up bummer.

But we have to find healthy ways to deal with stress.

You know what it is?

- I'm listening. - Jazz flute.

No! No!

Oh, come on! Every time.

- No, no, no. Gary, we talked about this.

No jazz flute?

I was working on it. - Nobody likes jazz flute

but you.

Okay, thank you, Mr. Gary Garrie.

Moving on now, why don't we get some words

from our campus security, Mr. Terry Grimes.

A positive word, Terry.

Okay, listen up, punks.

I know some of you are gonna use this

as an excuse to act out,

but I'm here to lay down the law.

Starting now, there will be zero tolerance

for any malfeasance.

- Dude, check it. Check it! - That includes antics,

hijinks, shenanigans.

Here where it comes.

And especially pranks.

Freeman!

The splatter horn.

Your best plan yet.

Freeman!

- Malfeasance, malfeasance, malfeasance.

So?

- Well, the person in the video didn't lie.

The end is shocking.

- Expel them, especially Freeman.

I know he posted this,

and I know he pulled that little stunt on the stage today.

- Excuse me, but whatever happened

to innocent until proven guilty?

Something you wanna say, Cliff?

- Why, yes, Hannah, I do have something to say.

- Mm. - This is a classic example

of why I don't want my boy hanging out with your boy.

Your kid masterminds these crazy schemes

and drags Josh down with him.

Our boys are best friends.

How could you even think of tearing them apart?

Oh, don't be so dramatic.

Your boy needs discipline.

- Oh, okay. Sir, yes sir, Lieutenant Dad!

Don't call me that.

You know I hate when people call me that!

- A little touchy about it. - I'm not touchy at all.

In fact- - When's the last time

you pooped?

- Bowel movements, that's the term we use in our household.

- A BM? - Yes, BM.

My bowel movements are very regular.

Grimes has nothing on us.

We're clean, dude. The perfect crime.

- Yeah, but I think we better cool it

with the pranks for a while.

I need to ace this SPLAT.

You know I have a plan.

- I keep telling you, life is messy, Ted.

You can't plan for everything.

I disagree.

- Besides, pranking is what we do.

You plan 'em, I build 'em, remember?

You're the brains, I'm the hands?

- Yeah, but you could totally plan a prank if you wanted to.

What about the red door?

Ah, the red door.

Josh did have one idea.

He wanted it to be the gnarliest,

most epic prank ever conceived.

And it was right there, waiting for the perfect victim.

You ever gonna tell me what's in there?

You don't wanna know.

What are you guys looking at?

- Ah! - Holy crap!

Geez, Gertz, lurk much?

- I could ask you the same thing.

- We're just waiting for Josh's dad

to finish yelling at your mom.

- It's almost over. Cover your ears.

Cover your ears?

- She's a weirdo, don't listen to anything she-

Mr. Barker, Terry, listen.

I agree that this kind of behavior

is not something we value here at Springdale.

- Good. - Finally.

But this is a magnet school.

We need students like Ted and Josh to keep us alive,

keep us competitive.

- So what's the bottom line here?

The bottom line, Mr. Grimes,

is that as long as Ted and Josh keep their grades up,

they are safe.

Namaste.