South Park

_

Mommy!

Mommy!

He's gonna get me!

Honey, honey, who's gonna get you?

The president! I saw him!

He's gonna get me!

Crystal, the president isn't going to get you.

But I saw him!

See what I told you?

It's that liberal school she's going to,

filling her head with all kinds of garbage.

Sweetie, the president is doing the best job he can.

Your liberal school is just trying

to convince you he's dangerous.

But... But, Daddy, he's gonna...

Unh-unh. No "buts."

The president is in the White House,

not here trying to get you, okay?

Okay. All right.

We're having a talk with that school in the morning.

Goodnight, honey.

Hey! How are my approval ratings?

And the latest reports are now saying

that over a million Canadians

were killed in the nuclear blast.

The bomb dropped by the U.S. President

took out the entire city of Toronto

and fallout is expected to kill thousands more

in the coming days.

Ike.

Ike, I'm sorry that I...

'caused a nuclear bomb to be dropped on Canada.

I was just...

You know, I was just trying

to get shows that were toxic taken down.

You know, those shows can be really harmful.

Oh, stop being a victim.

Jesus Christ!

What I want to know is what gives you the right

to preach your political views to my children?!

Our daughter woke up with nightmares

that the president was going to get her.

Just because two liberals happen to be

principal and vice principal

doesn't mean you can brainwash my kids!

Uh, we sort of have some bigger problems

right now, Mister, uh...

It's White. Bob White.

You've probably never even heard of our family, huh?

Well, the Whites have been here since the beginning!

Not that it matters.

'Cause no one cares about the Whites!

Sure, everyone else has problems,

but does anyone ever ask the Whites how they're doing?

Mr. White, we assure you that we run the school

in a very... professional manner

and don't let... personal emotions

get in the way.

Oh, sure you don't!

You know how hard I had to fight

to even get this meeting with you?

"Oh, who wants to talk to the administration?"

"Oh, it's just the Whites?"

"Aw, who cares about the Whites? They're fine."

Well, we've just about had it you...

...and, damn it, we won't be ignored!

I'm sorry. Is anyone else hearing-

"(If Loving You is Wrong) I Don't Want to Be Right"-

very, very quietly?

Uh, no. Mr. and Mrs. White,

we promise that we will not let anything happen

that might bring the integrity of this school into question.

Guess that's all the Whites can hope for these days.

Hey!

How are my approval ratings?

It's the president!

Wait, come back! What's wrong?!

Still no word from the president

as his 'Splatty Tomato' approval rating

drops to an unprecedented 3%.

This puts the president four points below-

"Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature."

Meanwhile, the Canadian Prime Minister,

Justin Trudeau, called upon Canadians to stand strong.

Make no mistake, America.

If you do not hand over your president,

there will be war the likes of which you have never seen.

Canadians will rise together.

I call on all Canadians here and abroad

to stand with their country.

The U.S. President must answer for his crime.

And only Canada can bring him to justice.

There, there, Tweek. Everything is gonna be okay.

I saw what I saw, Craig! You have to believe me!

What's going on?

Tweek's having a panic attack.

It was real! He tried to get me!

Who did?

The president!

It's just your imagination, Tweek.

It's not his imagination.

I saw him, too.

You saw the president?

Out by the quarry, but I didn't believe it.

I said, "How could this be... ".

The president? I saw him, too.

He had a blue suit and an orange face.

He kept asking me, "How are my... ".

"How are my approval ratings?"

I saw him, too.

Dude, isn't this all really familiar?

I saw something just like this

on that show called "Stranger... ".

"Stranger Things."

"Stranger Things" is the show. I saw it, too.

But wait, isn't "Stranger Things" just like that movie...

Just like that movie "It."

You saw it, too?

Yeah, I saw it in the theater.

I saw "Stranger Things" and "It."

Jesus.

I don't think anyone's imagining anything.

I think the president is here.

You kids get inside somewhere.

I have to warn the town.

Ugh!

All right, people. People, please.

We need everyone to try and stay calm.

How can we stay calm when the president's

out there scaring our children?!

Look, we all want the president out of here.

It's just a matter of how we do it.

I know you all want to get rid of him.

That's not true.

The Whites still support the president!

Oh, for fuck's sake, White, he's running around

eating our pets and terrorizing our kids!

You think Hillary would have been any better?

Just sit down, Bob!

I'm just sayin'! I'm just sayin'!

Listen, everyone. I have a team right now

that's trying to locate the president,

and I'd like you to hear from Officer Bright,

who's leading the search.

Hey, folks. We know you're all concerned,

but I want to assure you that we are doing everything we can

to track the president down and have him safely removed.

Since the president was given a splatty tomato,

he's become very desperate and very dangerous.

If you see the president, do not approach him.

Do not try to reason with him.

Most importantly, remember that this is the president,

so you cannot shoot him. All right?

You can't even talk about shooting him.

Don't even...

do any coy satirical takes on shooting him.

Okay, good.

What we're trying to do here

is just get the president to go away.

We're gonna be handing out padlocks like this one

so everyone can lock up their garbage.

If we don't feed the president, hopefully he'll just move on.

Are there any questions?

Can we talk about a friend shooting him

if it's in a sort of a sarcastic way?

No, no, no. Now, it's - it's just best

to avoid that kind of talk altogether.

Remember, they can do to you

what they did to Kathy Griffin.

Made her not funny for 30 years?

That's right.

So best thing is just lock up your garbage

and see if we can get the president to go away.

Jesus.

Now kids are going missing.

We're all gonna be missing soon!

Kyle!

It's my fault.

Ike went to go take matters into his own hands.

I have to find him.

We'll help you.

We'll all help you.

Guys, this could be really dangerous.

You're not going.

You promised tonight we'd have a date night.

Darling, this is a little more pressing than date night.

Oh, great.

So, Kyle's stupid brother goes missing, and I get fucked.

How come I'm always the one getting shit on around here?

I don't need anyone to go with me.

Oh, what's the matter, Kyle?

Don't want me around because you had the hots for me

and I shut you down?

I would never have the hots for the person you are now.

Come on, you guys.

Look, we all know what we're supposed to do now.

We all saw "It" and "Stranger Things."

We need to get our backpacks and go out to woods

and save the town from evil to some kick-ass '80s' music!