One Big Happy Family

A bat mitzvah is the single most

important day of a Jewish girl's life.

It's the day she becomes a woman

in front of her entire family...

And all of her friends.

- Dork. -

This was my bat mitzvah.

And this is my sister Sara.

She marches to her own beat.

What that beat is, we're still unclear.

And this is my mother Lenore.

And let's be honest, this was really her day.

And this is my dad, doing what he did best...

Loving me.

I was a shy kid, so this was all kind of tough.

I had to read from the Torah and chant lots of prayers.

But then I had to make a speech.

In my own words.

This was the moment I dreaded.

I thought I was actually going to die.

My heart started racing, the room started spinning.

But what happened next, may have been worse than death.

GIRL (whispering): What is she doing?

Today, I am a woman.

What does it mean to be a woman, I ask myself?

Rachel, darling, what is this?

We all know that... the day you become a woman

is the day you first menstruate?

Red Letter Day, we used to call it.

The day I got my first period.

My mother slapped me across the face

because that's what they did back then.

Remember the day you got your first period?

Who will forget that day?

My family spoke about this moment

of utter humiliation for years to come.

That innocent shyness snowballed into severe

anxiety and a lifelong fear of public speaking.

So, I'm now a mom and my daughter

Sammie's bat mitzvah is coming up.

And besides planning this monster of an event,

which at this point may have me

institutionalized, I must do the unthinkable.

Make a speech.

But I am determined to give Sammie

the perfect day that I didn't have.

One that no mothers, meaning me

in this case, could possibly ruin.

But you know that old Yiddish saying...

"Man plans and God laughs"?

There's a reason those old adages hold true.

Today I am an old woman.

What?

Oh, um, I was just, I...

Happy birthday, baby.

Oh, and it was also my 40th birthday.

Oh, no. What's wrong?

I--the speech. I--I--I can't do it.

I can't do it.

Listen, why don't you just forget about that

today and let us celebrate you.

I'm trying to forget about my birthday.

All this attention's giving me anxiety.

Are you taking the ashwagandha?

Are you insane?

Have you at least opened up your relaxation app?

The only app I open is for my word games.

Which only gives you more anxiety.

I love you.

And I love your anxiety.

And I love that you're the only actress

in the world who hates being the center of attention.

Maybe I should back up a bit.

Despite my absolute fear of public speaking,

I'm also an actress.

So because I was always told I don't look Jewish,

I had to change my last name

and develop a completely different actor persona.

Hi, my name is Rachel Dawn, and I'm from Long Island, New York.

Great. Ready to try one?

Remember, we need a lot of energy.

I feel the light of Christ inside me.

And here's a lovely birthday gift.

The union kicked me off the health insurance.

Said I didn't earn enough.

Aren't the struggling, unemployed actors the ones

who are actually in need of the insurance?

Well, thankfully, we're not struggling.

And you can be on my insurance for once,

which kind of makes you my dependent.

That actually makes it worse, because my dad

hardwired me to be independent.

I wonder what he'd be saying to me right now.

Probably that all my supplements are horseshit.

Besides that, I mean about the whole bat mitzvah thing.

He always knew the perfect words

to make all my fear and anxiety disappear.

He'd say, "This too shall pass."

Oh, no.

That just reminded me my mother's coming soon.

- How did that remind you-- - Oh, my God, the girls.

Are they awake?

We have to leave in like ten minutes.

Yes, they are awake, dressed, and may have

something waiting for you in the kitchen.

- So, meet me downstairs. - Okay.

Oh, gosh. Daddy, I need you.

Happy birthday, Mom!

Aw, thank you, my loves.

Come here.

Oh, I love you guys so much.

I made you a birthday parfait.

Why did you do that without me?

Daddy.

Sammie, stop.

Dad, what the hell?

Is this cheese?

For decoration.

Gross.

- Mom? - Yeah?

Do I have to do my bat mitzvah lesson today?

Yes.

Amanda, this is amazing.

But today's a special occasion.

So is your bat mitzvah.

But--I just have a lot of homework, Mom.

Maybe we should just cancel the whole thing.

No DJs, no ballrooms.

I don't know, Marcus, what do you think?

Religion's your thing. I'm staying out of it.

My love, a bat mitzvah is more than just a party.

You're gonna become a Jewish woman.

Our Judaism is the one constant in our life.

I know all this studying is a lot, but it's one

of those things you're gonna be so grateful you did.

Oh, just like you're so grateful?

Well, my bat mitzvah was a total disaster,

but I promise you, yours will be a completely different thing.

Well, Mother, since I'm putting so much

time and effort into my Hebrew studies,

I'm hoping you're doing the same with, say, writing your speech?

- Oh, no. - Sammie, please, not now.

Mom, you're an actress, for Christ's sake.

You're gonna ruin the whole day if you don't.

Sammie.

Sammie, I love you, but you know

you're asking the impossible, right?

Sammie, she can't, but I can.

You're not even Jewish.

All right, girls, come on, let's go.

Uh, Rach, speaking of that, I hate

to bring it up, but at some point we gotta

talk about my relatives in all this.

And, girls, you guys ready for school?

No.

Let's give Mom a break and I can drive you.

No.

Huh?

No, Mama.

What's wrong with Daddy?

Wow. Be that way.

I'll pick you up for dinner.

Hey, I wanna go to dinner with you guys.

Me too, I wanna go.

I love your soft, floppy arm skin.

It's like Grandma's.

Hmm, thank you, but, no, you're not coming to dinner.

Let's go.

Hi, Mamala.

Wait, wait... one, two, a-one-two-three...

Thank you, Mamala, thank you.

That's Bernie and Zelda from the temple.

Happy birthday, Rachel.

We wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday.

You're not exactly the first, but...

Zelda, you can go now, honey.

Bernie's colitis is acting up again.

Lovely.

So what do you mean we're not the first ones?

What time is it there?

Listen, you could have at least said hello to them.

The girls are already at school.

We just finished breakfast.

You know I don't sleep at night.

I couldn't sleep either.

What now? What's going on?

Pre-event anxiety.

I don't know how you come up with all this mishigas.

Hopefully that husband of yours

is planning something special for you tonight.

Yes, he is, Mamala.

We're going out to dinner with Gerry

and her new flavor of the month, Pablo.

Give her my love and tell her I want the name

of that medium that was on her show.

Honestly, I can't add one more thing to my brain.

My head is about to explode.

Marcus suddenly wants to talk

about his family at the bat mitzvah.