Wrongfully Accused

[Violin playing dramatically]

Good evening, miss Lake.

Oh!

Ohh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Uhh.

This is so sad!

[Playing Jimi Hendrix's version of star-spangled banner]

Whoopee! Yay!

Ryan! Ryan!

Crowd: Ryan! Ryan!

Ryan! Ryan!

Cass: Please, let me through.

Please.

Ryan! Ryan!

Ryan! Ryan!

Bravo, I say.

Ryan rules!

Congratulations.

Thank you, thank you.

Crowd: Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!

Here you go.

Uhh. Mitsubishi.

Mr. Harrison.

Here you go.

Yeah, this big thing, yeah.

Ryan: Uhh.

Lamb chop: Ryan! Ryan!

Ryan! Ryan!

Ryan! Ryan! Ryan!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Nice talking with you.

Mm-hmm. Thank you, Ryan.

Thank you.

Cass lake.

No. Uh, Ryan Harrison.

You're mixing me up with some woman.

I'd love to have you sit for me sometime.

Are you a dog trainer?

No.

Portraits.

I've seen every one of your concerts.

Your music moved me.

Nothing like a good movement.

Ohh-ho! Oh, Allah!

Oh, my balls!

Muslim prayers.

That must be east.

Well, excuse me.

My hand! Ow!

Ryan: Hibbing Goodhue.

Maestro Harrison.

Welcome.

Thank you for inviting me.

I need to talk to you.

Cass, I have guests.

It's been a privilege sponsoring your concerts.

I'm eternally grateful to my husband

for bringing you into my life,

Mr. Ryan Harrison.

I think this deserves a kiss, don't you?

Ryan: Ah.

I've never missed one of your concerts.

Hibbing, however, wasn't at Friday's.

It was a high colonic.

Yes. A Jewish holiday. Mazel tov.

Uh, yes.

I'll just round us up some drinks.

I, um...

How dare you!

How could you ignore my note?

All I want is for you to reconsider. Hibbing, please.

Hibbing: Oh, stuff and nonsense.

Ryan.

Go dash some mineral water on your face

and buck up!

You deserve a real man's drink.

Bottoms up.

I know mine will be.

Hibbing: Good-bye, darling.

Lauren: Have a safe flight.

Could you please open the gate for me?

[Tires skid, car crashes]

Never mind.

Ryan, what are you doing?

Your dog certainly has a surprised look on his face.

Well, that's because you're looking at his butt.

Oh, oh. Then he's certainly not going to enjoy

that treat that I just fed to him.

Well, I guess I better be...

I don't think so.

[Keys sliding down metal chute]

Now they're safe.

I thought I might, uh, go for a swim.

Would you care to join me?

I have a suit for you.

Mrs. Goodhue, I think that we should say good-bye now.

No, please.

My head is spinning like a dreidel in a sandstorm.

I should go...

Kissing you... makes me think about your husband.

You do like women?

Of course.

But you're a married one. I'm not.

Hibbing won't be back for 3 days.

Stay. You don't know what you're missing.

I used to lick envelopes for a living.

Those long Manila ones.

I'm not wearing any underwear.

Oh!

Mmm.

[Violin playing dramatically]

Car alarm: Intruder. Intruder.

Step away from the car. Step away from the car.

Step away...

System deactivated.

Get into the car. Get into the car.

Get into the car.

Lauren: Ryan darling, why are you leaving me?

Hibbing is out of town. If I don't see you tonight,

I'm prepared to take my own life.

I am desperate!

And I'm out of milk.

Can you pick up a half gallon of two percent on the way?

Yours in adultery, Lauren.

Ruth Kimble in New York,

and I'm speaking with United Nations secretary general

Sir Robert Mckintyre.

I'd like to thank our mutual friend Hibbing Goodhue

for arranging this interview.

Hibbing has been my good friend

since our school days

at cherry pants upon buttocks.

He's invited you to come to Columbia heights

to make an important speech.

A speech that will have terrorists peeing their pants.

Quite. I am forming a multinational strike force

whose sole purpose is to tear

at the very heart of terrorism

by seeking out and destroying

their sanctuaries and training compounds.

I will be placing every terrorist on alert

that their days are indeed numbered.

Yes.

Lesbian...

Man: Oral...

Woman: Used to masturbate...

Second woman: Nymphomaniac Siamese twins

who cheat with each other's husbands.

But first, it's official.

The United Nations secretary general sir Robert Mckintyre

will be in Columbia heights on the twelfth of this month

as guest of Hibbing Goodhue.

Sir Robert will be speaking at our Colombia heights jamboree

and will be the highlight

of this year's celebration of Scottish heritage.

The braveroy pipe and drill team...

[Radio station changes to quiet music]

It's you.

Well, I've been drinking several toasts

to your honor tonight, my dear.

Yes, to the great deceiver.

You never loved me.

You only wanted me for my connection with Mckintyre

and for my quiet shoreline:

The perfect place to land a small group of terrorists.

This is about assassination.

Turn that bloody radio off.

Oh, please. That's far too melodramatic.

Ouch!

Ohh!

Aah!

Ohh!

Bloody hell.

Have you quite finished?

Mmm.

Mmm.

Ryan: Lauren.

Ryan: I read your note.

I'm not here to play games, Lauren.

Where are you?

Lauren?

Lau-oh!

I want you to understand.

There's nothing between us.

You're not Lauren.