Eenie Meanie

You have three new voice messages. First message.

Edie, where the hell are you?

It's 1:00 a.m. and your mother is making an ass of herself. So you need...

- Hey. Where you going? I said we're not... - I need five minutes. No.

- Kat, we're leaving. Fuck. - Oh, come on. Five minutes.

Edie, move your ass.

Next message.

No. What are you d... No, don't serve her. Don't serve her another...

Jesus Christ, man. She's shit-hammered already.

- Oh, shut up. - What the fuck?

Edie, seriously. Get down here.

Next message.

If you fell asleep with your goddamn headphones on,

I swear to God, I'm gonna lose my shit.

Pick up the phone. What the hell is...

What the fuck are you looking at? Was I talking to you?

- Yeah, boy. Keep walking. - Nobody's hitting on your girl.

Nice shirt, you fucking Ricky Martin wannabe motherfucker.

- You see me going anywhere? - Who you think you talking to?

- I'm right here. - You want trouble, you found it.

Mark, don't... God. Oh, my...

I worked last week. It's my money.

Oh, great, yeah. One week. You worked one week. Oh, you know what?

How is it that you get to spend all your work money on your bullshit,

when I give everything I make

to you and Edie?

I'm not taking you back to that shithole.

- Who the fuck was that guy in there? - It was Chico.

- Chico? Who's Chico? - No, Rich, or...

- Ri... Rich? Rich Pacheco? - Whatever.

That was Rich Pache... The jagoff that robbed the Sevs with a butter knife?

- He's harmless. - No, he tried to kill a cashier.

But he didn't.

Because he used a fucking butter knife. Which makes him an idiot.

- Stop socializing with stupid junkies. - Okay.

- That's crazy. - "Junkies."

Thought he was in jail.

You know, I didn't ask you to police me.

- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fine. - Jesus Christ already.

Thank you for filling in for my dead dad.

'Cause I was really missing having someone up my ass 24-7.

Well, obviously it didn't work the first time.

And what makes you think it's gonna work now, hmm?

Are you even... What a pain in the ass.

- Guys. - What?

Fuck!

- What do I do? What do I do? - No, no, no. No. It's fine, honey.

- Just calm down. - It's not fucking fine.

No, we'll just... let's just tell him that we've been drinking.

- She's 14. - Yeah, he'll think we're being smart.

Shut it, Kat. Hey, Edie, Edie, do not pull over.

I'm pulling over.

Edie! Do not fucking pull over. Oh, my God.

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna hide it. That's what I'm gonna do.

- Shut it, Kat. Edie. Look at me. - I'm just gonna...

Look at me.

Your mom has a shit ton of coke on her.

She bought a bunch of coke from Rich fucking Pacheco,

and if you don't get us out of here right now...

Okay, you know what? You're overreact...

You... You don't think he's gonna pull us out of the car? Huh?

When he finds out that she's fucking 14?

Edie, if you don't get us the fuck out of here right now, your ma is going to jail.

- Mark. - It's your third strike, babe.

Edie. Look at me.

It's okay.

Now.

Just like I taught ya.

Punch it.

Hey!

I gotta go!

- What? No, no, no, no, no. Fifteen. - Come on!

- Fifteen more minutes. - I've got work in, like seven hours.

So? It's my birthday.

Yo ass used to be fun.

Oh, come on. I still have to study. Tori's gonna stay. She's fun.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Tori is too fun.

Look, I got a 2:00 a.m. last call with that crazy-ass bitch.

So, no, I'm good. Yeah.

Okay, yes. Stay away from her.

- Yeah. I'm good. - Thank you.

No, no, no. You don't have to do... I know how tight your shit is right now.

Oh, no. It's your birthday. You're not paying on your birthday. Come on.

- Declined. - Shit!

It's fine. It's fine.

My tuition probably went through.

I got you.

No, no, no. Thank you, thank you, but we're good.

You gonna let your friend pay on her birthday?

- Oh... - You can pay me back with your number.

She said we're good.

Why you stoppin' me from blessin' your girl's life?

Yo breath. Oh, my God. You done cleared my damn sinuses.

Mmm, yeah, okay.

Wow. He's still here. He has confidence.

He doesn't have a mint.

I'm sorry. She's really mean. I'm sorry.

You don't look sorry.

- I'll try. I'll try. I'll try. - Get you a mint. Get you a mint, boo.

Bye, Doug.

- You doing too much. - Yeah.

School, work, studyin' in the middle of the night.

- Definitely feels like too much. - Yeah.

Well, I'm proud of you.

And you still ain't called that bum-ass, broke-ass motherfucker in, what now?

- Hey. You promised. Come on. - I ain't promise shit on my birthday.

I could talk shit about that bum-ass on my birthday.

It's been seven-and-a-half months now, so...

That's good. For real.

That's a long-ass time to be with somebody and then walk away.

I know how hard that shit is.

Ooh, this motherfucker.

Yo, call me.

Oh.

- Well, well, well. - Ain't you got work?

Standing outside a dealership, floppin' around.

I'm sorry about her.

You still don't look sorry.

Well, you're not making it very easy, man.

Looking like Jack Skellington and shit.

Goddamn!

You gon' fuck him 'cause of that car.

Huh?

Well...

Ugh.

No, no.

Fuck. Fuck.

No, no, no, no, no.

Fuck.

Goddamn. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Come on. Come on. Go, go, go!

Okay. Okay.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Fuck!

Fuck!

Sorry, Lisa.

- Morning, Rick. - Dale told me to shoot if you came in.

- I might ask you to anyway... - I have to be able to count on you.

I know, I'm sorry. My car shit the bed again.

Well, then you should consider purchasing a car that you can count on.

And if that car is unreliable, may I suggest, once again, a bus pass.

You're absolutely right, Dale.

Sure, Dale's the uncool guy with the bus pass.

- But, you wanna know what is cool? - Mmm.

Low carbon emissions. Yeah, no monthly insurance payments.

Getting to work on time.

Excuse me. What is the ETA on that filter?

I think your fish is sick, Dale.

Next.

But you reversed the fee last time.

Yeah. Yeah, we did. We offered you that one-time reversal.

- Do you understand what a fixed budget is? - I do. I'm on one.

Hands up, motherfuckers.

Everybody, on the ground. Phones out, now!

Hands up! Back that ass up!

- Phones out! - You! Gimme your phone! Gimme your phone!

Open it!

- Okay, okay, okay, okay. - Now!

Open it!

Get over here now!

Get your ass down.

- On the ground. - Ah, not you.

- Get up. Open the drawer. - On the floor.

Get your ass on the ground.

Uh-uh. Stay down!

Hey! Get your ass down!

- Let's go. Nice and easy. - Okay. Okay.

- You idiot! Pick it up! - I'm sorry.

Get it all in there. I'm not fucking with you! Pick it up!

Motherfucker!

- Goddamn it! Look what you did. - That was not supposed to happen!

- You did that shit on purpose! - Oh, God.

- Look at my face! Dumb bitch! - I swear! It must've been broken!

Look what you did to me! Look what you did to my face!

You're fucking lying to me, you bitch.

- Goddamn it! - That's not supposed to happen.

Look what you did! You did this shit on purpose!

No fractures, no concussion.

Everyone okay at the bank?

Far as I know. Security guard broke an orbital bone, but, otherwise...

Oh, and they got caught. The robbers.

Yeah, I figured. They made, like, five mistakes before they even hit the drawers.

Sounds like your bank must get robbed a lot

for you to be so educated on the subject.

Employee training simulations and all that.

Okay. Couple more tests before we can think about

throwing you back out on the street, considering the pregnancy.

"The pregnancy"? What pregnancy?

Your pregnancy.

We run blood work in the case where you might be pregnant, among other things,

and, yeah, you're pregnant.

So, you lied to me.

Hey, man. I just got pistol-whipped and found out I'm pregnant.

Give me a break.

Three and a half months, though? Really?

I have a history of skipping periods, I've been stressed like crazy lately.

- I don't... - You see that stuff on TV

about those obese people that have no idea that they're pregnant?

So, yeah, that does happen.

Look, it's gonna be all right. There's worse shit than this.

Should I tell him?