Splice

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Okay, okay, I can see him.

- That's it. Here he comes. Careful.

All right. I got him. I got him.

Sensors. Ahem.

- Vitals? Stable.

Clamp. Scissors.

Scissors.

Severing umbilical.

Umbilical cut. Okay, clear.

Wait. Dropping fast. BP's dropping fast.

Respirations are slow, shallow, and irregular.

O2 sat's down 82 percent. BP 80 over 30. He's in V-tach!

Get the paddles. May I have some Dopamine?

Dopamine.

I've got the paddles. Okay. Everybody clear.

All clear.

Clear!

Heart rate's stable.

Easy. Easy.

Okay, we're good.

No physical discrepancies.

He's perfect.

He's just perfect.

I like Melvin. He's much more of a Melvin.

Somehow Ginger and Melvin doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Okay, then, Fred it is.

All right.

Come on, little fella. Ahem.

Look at that.

He's so cute.

All set?

Let's do it.

All right.

- Okay. - We're good.

Nice.

Ginger, meet Fred. Fred, meet Ginger.

- What are they doing? - Imprinting.

See?

Love at first sight.

I wish you would fill me in.

I like to think we're a team. I like to think I'm a sounding board.

- You're much more than that, Barlow. - It's just another dog-and-pony show.

- We could splice a dog and pony. - They can take the meeting for us.

Maybe I can help you with your publicity.

"If God didn't want us to explore his domain, why'd he give us the map?"

Bumper-sticker wisdom.

I get it, and I am totally with you guys on every level.

But Joan Charot can make or break our project without even blinking.

We should all be nervous, as in survival-instinct nervous, so come on...

...who's heads up?

I don't want to spoil the surprise. Come on.

- You love surprises. - No, surprises make me nauseous.

Over the course of the last three years, our lab has combined...

...the DNA from a variety of species to create a completely new life form.

And, as you know, Ginger has exceeded all expectations...

...in her ability to produce medicinal proteins for livestock.

What you don't know is that, since the birth of Fred...

...we have an upgraded splicing technique...

...which can be applied to the most sophisticated of organisms, namely...

- ...human beings. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

By incorporating human DNA into the hybrid template...

...we can begin to address any number of genetically-influenced diseases.

Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, diabetes, even some forms of cancer.

Well...

I can't tell you how, um, excited we are.

The entire board is thrilled with the progress you've made...

...which is why we are so anxious to move on to phase two.

- Phase two? The product stage.

We need to isolate the gene in Ginger and Fred that produces your magic protein.

We are shutting down the splicing facilities...

...retooling your labs for intensive chemical analysis.

Shutting down?

I don't understand.

Uh, we're handing you the medical breakthrough of the century.

We could begin...

Elsa! We all know that can't happen right now.

The moral outrage would be completely out of control.

I mean, regulators and politicians, they'd tear us to pieces.

Please.

If we don't use human DNA now, someone else will.

Look, we'd love to go there.

Shoot for incredible medical breakthroughs, of course we would.

You put a viable livestock product on the shelves...

...then we will talk about a 20-year plan to save the world.

Right now, we need to start phase two...

...and you are the only ones who can do it.

We could quit. Go to Hamilton-Splinter.

Newstead owns our patents. We'd lose everything.

Well? What?

I'm not spending the next five years digging through pig shit for enteric proteins.

Me neither.

What's the profile?

Jane Doe.

Anonymous female donor. Clean medical and heredity. The usual.

A dime a dozen.

One in a million.

- It's not working. - What enzyme are you using?

It's not the cleavage. They're digesting fine.

So?

The human Alu sequences don't wanna bond with foreigners.

So what? We'll use a ligase other than T4. We'll make them.

Oh, we'll just make them.

Yeah, we will. You know why? Because Wired doesn't interview losers.

Sometimes I forget those basic scientific principles.

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

This retarded, fascist, über music is the fucking problem.

Got us thinking in circles.

You're right.

We have been dancing to the wrong beat.

Try this.

M3.

It's not working.

- Wait a second. It's happening. - Why now?

I don't know, but they're on fire.

- We got the right temperature. The enzyme... - They're changing partners.

- Everyone dances with everyone. - You are Bob fucking Fosse.

All right.

Biotechnology's most startling breakthrough in decades...

...on ice.

Well, at least we know we can do it, right?

Elsa.

Elsa, come on. What are you doing?

Elsa.

I'm too tired for this, Elsa.

Come on. I don't have the energy to play with you right now. Elsa?

I'm not playing around with you.

Come on. Hey!

- What, did you recode the locks? - I recoded the locks.

Come on. Open the door.

Elsa. Seriously.

You see, this is what's known in couples therapy as emotional hijacking.

Elsa?

Come on, this is illegal. We're gonna go to jail for this. Open the door.

Human cloning is illegal. This won't be human, not entirely.

What? What are you doing?

Relax. We won't take it to term.

We need to know if we can generate a sustainable embryo.

- Then we destroy it. No one will know. - What's the point if you can't publish?

To be sure we really did it. To know for sure.

You're telling me you don't need to know?

This is not so simple. There are moral considerations.

Millions of people are suffering and dying with no hope.

We might have the key to saving them.

What are the moral considerations of that?

- Fuck. - Exactly.

How's it coming, little brother?

Good.

How's Fred doing?

Our boy is growing up into a fine young man.

And phase two?

Don't worry. We'll nail that gene.

Good man. Double helix. Ha, ha.

Hey, uh, I can't help...

...but wonder what you and Elsa have been so busy with.

Building you your very own special friend, Gavin.

Thank you.

I have been so lonely.

Not for long.

Come on, come on, come on.

Can you not do that?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

Can you not do that?

- Hmm? - Don't do that.

- What? - Don't do that.

My Zeppelin interpolation, come on. You don't like it?

Zeppelin crashed and burned before I was born.

Check this out. It's near the distillery.

I fucking love it.

Yeah, it's cool.

You don't sound that enthusiastic.

I don't know, I just don't want to move again any time soon.

We've been here for seven years.

No, I mean from that place. It just doesn't seem big enough.

It's twice the size of this apartment. More than enough room for all our stuff.

But, you know, for down the road.

You are talking about a kid, aren't you?

- That so unreasonable? - Yeah.

Because I'm the one who has to have it.

Look, I love this place.

I don't wanna bend my life to suit some third party that doesn't even exist yet.

Come on. Come here.

What's the worst that can happen?

How about after we crack male pregnancy?

Ha, ha. And ruin this perfect figure?

- You're a hypocrite. You're a hypocrite. - No. You're a hypocrite.

Who is it?

Ignore it.

- What? - It's BETI.

- Holy shit. What's going on? - It's coming out.

What? It can't do that. It's not due for months.

Well, tell that to the fetus.