Cleaver Family Reunion

Before my accident, I was broke as hell, and lived here with my grandma.

But thanks to my nigga, I mean my man Jimmy Cleaver, Jr., I live here.

I'm James Cleaver, Jr. and I fight for you!

You ain't gotta pay me unless you get you paid!

Hey babe, what's so funny?

You are.

Me?

Yeah.

Thanks to Jimmy Cleaver. I got new teeth!

Why are they still running this thing?

You didn't see them do that piece on you today. So they are

Probably trying to show people your humble beginnings.

Yeah I forgot about that.

You're gonna pay me.

But I asked them not to run any of these clips.

Just relax. It's really funny.

and more importantly, Congrats on another win.

Awe, thank you baby.

You didn't go to work today?

I did. I just came home early.

Why?

Because I have a surprise for you.

Ah, ok.

What is that smell?

That's your surprise.

Ok, uh, where is Maria?

So I sent Maria home early.

Ok.

Get out of here.

You're gonna ruin it. Go.

Hello?

Tinkle?

I'm sorry you have the wrong number.

Yes this is Mrs. James Cleaver.

No. My husband does not have a sister.

Ugh!

This woman is screaming at me and she's saying that she's your sister.

Ok, Dijah would you calm down for a second.

I have to call all over the place to get this fucking number.

What the hell is wrong with you, Tinkle?

Ok calm down Dijah.

Don't tell me to calm down. Nobody has heard from you in years.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. That's not true. I send Christmas and birthday cards every year.

I know I don't call or come by, but I'm a very busy man Dijah.

Yeah. Too busy saving rapist, murders and other lowlifes

to stay in touch with your family

So, What? You need money?

Nobody wants your dirty money Tinkle.

So what then? Somebody dead?

As if you would care. Anyway, grandma turns 80 in two weeks.

And She wants everybody home for her birthday celebration, even your sorry ass.

She has something important she wants to share with the family.

That's in two weeks? I can't make it. I have my vacation in the Virgin Islands.

Ooohh! You are a piece of work. You know when I...

Tinkle.

Hello Grandma.

Hello grandma my ass. You better bring your ass down here,

before I fly out there and put my good foot in it.

There it is.

Hello?

Great.

Just great.

Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa. Come here. Come here. Come here.

I feel like such a fool.

Like I married a stranger.

Why are you so ashamed of your family?

I'm not ashamed of them. They're ashamed of me.

I find that hard to believe.

Well it's true.

Is that why you don't want to have children?

What?

I mean is that some deep seeded Psychological pathology causes

you not to want children.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hold on Dr. That has nothing to do with it.

And would you please stop using your psychology mind tricks on me.

I don't want kids because they smell.

They're loud. and they just ...

You don't want them to end up like you.

Exactly.

But you don't want kids either. Right?

Right.

God. So what did your sister want?

Something to do with my grandmother.

Oh my God. Did she die?

No not yet. She's turning 80.

That's not funny.

Now wait till you meet her.

Anyway. She wants everyone to come home to celebrate.

See, they love you in spite of yourself.

I can't believe I even have to ask this.

But where the hell is your home?

I am from Texas. That's true. Not Houston.

I'm from Baytown.

Baytown Texas.

But don't worry. We're not going there.

We're going to be on vacation in the Islands, remember?

I think it's time that I meet the Cleavers.

Great.

Are we lost?

James we have been driving around for 2 hours.

No Stacy we are not lost.

Baby, how do you not know where you live?

I didn't forget where I live.

I just made a wrong turn. I got it now.

Are you sure?

Yep. This is the old Neighborhood.

Do you know him?

Yeah. That's my brother George.

That's your brother?

Oh my goodness. I am getting so excited.

I can't do this. I can't do this.

James!

What are you doing?

I'm sorry babe. I can't do this.

Babe just relax. It's just for a weekend.

How bad could it be?

Meet the Cleavers.

Ok. This is kind of weird. Nobody is coming out.

I tried to warn you.

Come on.

Find the place ok.

Yes. We just missed the exit.

You ain't got to lie to me. We know you got lost Tinkle.

This is my wife Stacy.

Oooh! It's nice to meet you.

You're so pretty.

You are too.

Thank you. You can just put the bags down over there.

So how in the world did you end up with a scrub like him?

Well let's just say he's very smart.

So where the kids at?

No Kids.

Oh. Well Tinkle has told us absolutely nothing about you.

Oh! Well Tinkle is full of secrets isn't he?

He's full of something.

Everybody in the backyard.

Look who finally showed up.

Tinkle, I missed you so.

Miss you too mama.

I heard a rumor you were coming.

This is my wife Stacy.

Hi.

Hi Stacy. It's so nice to meet you, finally.

Mmm, Tinkle always had good taste.

Well thank you.

Did you bring the kids?

No Ma'am. We don't have any kids.

No! What you waiting on Tinkle! You better get this beautiful woman pregnant and

give me some pretty grandchildren boy.

You hungry?

Starving.

Everything smells so good.

Now don't you be shy child. You are a cleaver too. And you're home now baby.

Dijah fix them a plate.

He'll nah he ain't no guest. Boy you better fix your wife a plate.

mmhm.

Welcome home son.

Hey pops.

Nice to meet you Sir.

Wow son, you have a beautiful wife.

Thank you.

Hey pops. I'm sorry I have not come home that much but

my priorities took off and with all these high profile clients it's been difficult to get away.

10 years is a long time son.

Well, glad you're home now. Got much to talk about later.

I'm gonna go check on this chicken.

Alright.

Sit. Eat.

Awe, Ma' you didn't have to do this. I would have did it. Thank you.

Oh it's ok baby. I'm just glad to have you home.

This is just a little snack. We'll have dinner when everybody gets here.

We're saving the good stuff for Bertha's big birthday bash tomorrow evening.

So good to be home.

Bull Shit! I had to threaten his triflin' ass to get him down here.

Hi grandma.

Happy Birthday.

You know I smell that pot on you.

I smell that pot on you. Nigga, you sound like a white boy.

Don't you ever spend all this time away from your family. You hear Tinkle.

Yes.

Ms. Bertha you don't have to worry about that. I will make sure that he doesn't.

It's so good to meet you.

Where your babies, I wanna see them.

We don't have any kids grandma.

Well that's a damn shame.

She's might pretty. But she ain't getting no younger.

Ya'll better get busy.

Stacy, just so you know the women cook and bake everything at big family get together.

OK.

What's your Dish?

My dish?

We got a saying down here. "A woman who knows how to feed her family,

knows how to raise her family."

Why don't you season and fry the turkey. You know how to do that right?

Of course.

I can do that. I look forward to it.

Good job Tinkle. Smart, pretty, and she cooks too.

Thank you.

So I have a question for you guys.

Why is it that you call James, Tinkle?