Match

Ah, shit!

What... Ugh!

Ah, fuck.

Paola! Sorry, I got my names mixed up.

So, music? That pay the bills?

Well, I'm also a server. -God, sorry.

I feel you, I hate my day job so much.

Actually, I--

But, really, I should be writing my masterpiece,

but instead I'm crunching numbers every day, you know?

Sometimes, I just want to kill myself.

So, she cancels on me a second time, so I follow her.

And you guessed it,

she's hooking up with some other guy.

A real clown.

What do you think about the situation at the border?

Love the food, but the people...

"Your profile is classy in a way that most men

wouldn't appreciate or recognize

in the face of today's eroded standards.

Your taste, style...

and intelligence nearly preclude your beauty. Nearly."

Mm, total psycho.

I think he's sweet. -Hmm, you would.

Honey, I know that you were an English major,

but this guy is way too articulate.

Like, serial killer, articulate.

There's something about him, it's like...

he's from the 1940s or something.

He calls me "darling".

You and Papa watched way too many movies on Turner Classics.

Well, there's a reason they're classics.

Let me see this animal. -Hey!

"Henry, 30 years old, 93 percent match."

Oh, you've been, like, talking to this guy.

Okay, that's private.

"Paola, I know this might seem forward,

but if you'd join me for a home-cooked meal--

Okay!

Promise me you will not go to this guy's place.

Not on a first date. -It's not what you think.

Okay, he has an autoimmune disorder,

and he can't go to bars or restaurants.

You know, COVID. -You've found the one guy

who still cares about COVID? -I know, it sounds crazy.

But maybe the reason I am where I'm at is because

I don't do anything crazy.

I mean, love is crazy, right?

So, when am I going to get to meet this guy?

Ryan? I don't know, Papa, we're taking it slow.

So there's no chance of a grandson

before I kick the bucket?

They're just putting in a stent, okay?

Chances that anything would happen are low.

Mm... -Who's that?

It's Maria, your other daughter.

Oh, right. Lesbian. Big help.

For your information, my eggs are frozen

in case Jamie changes her mind. Okay?

Technically, we're already halfway there.

All you need now, is a man.

How about you, Paola? -Hmm?

Your eggs frozen or scrambled or whatnot?

No, I don't think it'll get to that.

Ryan and I are-- -Honey...

you can drop the Ryan bit, hmm?

I may be blind, but I know when my girl's pulling my leg.

I mean the one they did not amputate.

I'm sorry, Papa. It didn't work out with Ryan,

but, actually, there's this new guy I'm talking to.

Hmm, yes, the one that you are going to call, video on,

before you meet with him, to make sure he's not the guy

from "The Silence of the Lambs".

Hmm... video call.

It's the reason why people can't communicate

in real life anymore. -Papa, you do realize

that we're on a video chat now.

So what is your point?

You think I'd rather this, than in person?

We are going to see you in person, Papa.

Friday morning before the surgery.

I literally flew across the entire country to see you.

And to see me. -Well, right now,

you may as well be in New Jersey,

it makes no difference on this phone.

I love you, babies.

I love my princesses.

We love you, Papa. -Love you.

We'll see you Friday, okay? -Hmm.

Okay, where is he? Oh!

There she is. -Hey, Henry.

Wow, you're real.

Oh, God, you're making me blush.

Sorry. Well, do I look like me?

Si. Muy guapo. That means very handsome.

Gracias. I took seven years of Spanish--

Oh, no.

Henry?

Oh, shoot.

Paola? -Shit.

Okay.

Umm...

Paola? -Uh, hi. Yeah, just a minute.

Okay.

Oh, I'm sorry. I... I must have the wrong house.

No, nonsense. You must be Paola.

Oh, and aren't you lovely?

Oh, sorry... I'm Lucille. I'm Henry's mother.

Hello. -Oh, hi.

Hi. -Oh...

Um...

Is Henry home?

Oh, no, he's just on his way back from the doctors.

Oh, it's regular stuff. Nothing to be concerned about.

Oh, please, come on in. Come on in.

Don't be a stranger. Come on in.

Could I pour you a glass?

I'm having one myself. -No, thank you. I'm fine.

Oh, come on. It'll calm you down.

Okay. Maybe just a little.

That's more like it.

Oh, God, sorry.

Um, hey, Henry didn't mention that you were visiting.

Oh, well, darling, that's probably because I live here.

Oh.

Here we go. Now, let us toast.

To young love.

Cheers.

So, um, do you do a lot of this, um, website dating?

Um, you know, here and there.

Well, you can put all of that to bed now,

because my Henry, he is quite a catch.

Excellent husband material.

Mm.

Wait, you... you don't believe me?

I do, totally.

He's just as handsome as he is in his pictures.

And if I do say so myself,

the girls, they really love him for his huge...

...heart. Oh, God, are you all right, dear?

I'm so sorry. -No. Let me get you something.

Um, what was I-- Oh, like I said,

my Henry, he's uh... he's excellent husband material.

Everybody says so. And he's had all of his tests,

so he's as clean as a whistle.

Oh...

Right, let's take care of that. -Oh.

Now, the trick here is to dab, not to wipe.

That's totally fine. -You see?

Totally.

That is a word that you young people love to use nowadays.

"Totally." -Really? Yeah, I hadn't noticed.

Are you all right, dear? Looks like you've seen a ghost.

I'm sorry, are you, um...

Are you getting the texts I'm sending your son?

Why, yes. -You have your son's phone?

No, no, this is my phone.

You see, I...

I know I should leave it on silent mode, but, um...

I'm just afraid I might miss something...

important.

I don't feel so...

What...

What is this? Where...

Where am I?

Aw... First date jitters, hmm?

Oh, no, no.

It's all right. You're in good company.

Henry, he's a little shy too.

Please let me go. Please.

That's why he needed help with his profile.

I just had to reach out to some nice young ladies on his behalf.

Please, let me go. Let me go. No, let me go!

No, don't fight it.

It's worse if you fight it. -No...

Just go along for the ride.

Now, full disclosure.

His website photos, well, they're a little old.

But like I said, excellent husband material.

It's wonderful.

What do you want?

Okay...

Urgh!

Come on.

Shit.

Urgh!

What the fuck?

Okay.

Okay...

Fuck. Fuck...

Fuck.

No, stay awake. No, stay awake.

Fuck.

What the fuck?

Whoops!

Oh, my God, Henry!

Henry, what happened?

What has she done to you? Henry! Speak to me!

Oh, my God.

Henry! You will wake up this instant!