Black Cab

Hello?

Yeah. No. Sorry. I, um... I fell asleep.

No. Of course I'm still coming. Yeah.

Yeah, I know where it is.

I can make my own way there.

Um, no, I... I haven't.

I haven't thought about it yet.

Because I don't... I don't feel ready.

Look. Just... Just not... Not tonight, okay?

Fine.

Stay over.

Satisfied?

- That's not a good joke! - Anyway. Right. Listen.

No, no, no. Right. I've got a story for you.

Listen. This happened to a mate of mine in Nevada.

Route 50. Well, that's where he told me about it.

- Oh, here we go. - I'm serious.

Go on, then. Right.

Well, me and my mate Ash

drove across the States during our gap year.

Really? Because you've never mentioned it before.

One night, as we were driving from Vegas down to Palm Springs,

he tells me this thing that happened to his sister.

Oh, Ryan!

She's not, mate. She's working at this local law firm.

- I'm fine. Thanks. - Right.

- Which one? - Stop interrupting, Ryan!

I'm checking the facts, babe!

They're called Wilma and Blaylock Family and Divorce Law.

Check 'em out. Go on. They've got a website. I'll wait.

Bet you've read this story like a million times.

Yeah. It's a good one, though.

Thank you! Anyway...

So, his sister's working in her office one night late.

On her own? On her own. Yes.

Ooh! She checks her phone.

She realizes it's gone past 11:00.

P.M.?

Yes, P.M., you...

Some people aren't afraid of a bit of hard work, Jess.

- Yes, yes. - Yeah.

Anyway, she finally decides to head home late.

She locks up the office and she walks across

the now-deserted parking lot to her car.

As she drives off, she notices this other car

pull up right behind her.

Starts following her along the road.

And she tries speeding up, slowing down,

hard left, hard right. Nothing works.

She can't shake this bloody car.

Oh, my God. That is terrifying.

Then it starts tailgating her, flashing his headlights,

honking the horn, so now she's panicked, right?

She's so panicked, she calls Ash on her mobile.

Lucky for her, Ash is still up, so he answers.

He says... He says drive over to his straightaway.

So she floors it all the way there with this car

still right behind her...

Through red lights, stop signs, the lot.

Finally, she pulls up outside Ash's.

He comes flying out the front door, yelling,

waving his uncle's 9-millimeter pistol around.

His sister sprints out of the car

and runs into the house screaming!

- Fuck. - Then...

this car that's been following her pulls up.

The driver leaps out.

He starts screaming at Ash

to point the gun over at his sister's car.

When Ash asks why, the guy says he's seen this man inside

ducking down behind her seat.

So they both go over. They open the rear door.

Sure enough, there was a guy in there with a Stanley knife

waiting to cut her throat.

Oh, my! Come on!

Can we smoke in here? Hey.

Of course you can't smoke in here!

...weirdo.

Ah. Yes. Right. Drink up. I've ordered champagne.

Patrick! You shouldn't have!

Babe, it's not for you.

Anne and I have a little announcement to make.

Try not to interrupt this one, yeah?

- I don't want to. - Hey, hey, Come on.

Alright. Everyone got a drink?

So, I'm moving back in with Anne.

That's great. Now you can't sponge off us anymore.

And... And... And... we're getting married.

Hey! Congratulations.

- Thanks, buddy! - Well done! Amazing!

Jessica?

Jessica?

Well, she didn't say.

I was going to.

Were you? Yeah.

Hey.

Why didn't she tell me?

Anne!

Fucking hell was that all about?

Like I fucking know.

You in there? Anne?

Anne?!

What?

So it's all fine now?

Yes. It's all fine.

It... It's not, though, is it?

You can't just go back to how things were.

Who says?

He's not gonna change, Anne.

I mean, are you pregnant?

No.

What?

Fuck. I don't know how to say this...

Then don't.

Mnh. I got the last one, didn't I?

Nice try, champagne boy. Come on. I'll help you count.

What?

Oh, Anne. We're gonna split this. Right? Anne?

What's the matter with her? What?

Pay the bill.

What's wrong? You're shaking.

I'm just... I'm... I'm just really tired.

I'll come back to yours.

Hey? Just the two of us. Be like old times.

No, thanks. N-Not tonight.

Fine.

I just... I...

I feel like something bad is gonna happen.

Then don't take Patrick back home.

Right. Where next?

- Home. - Already?

You two can stay out if you like.

- Do you want to hand in, love? - Oh, no, Pat. Thanks, pal.

- Mate, all of ya? - No, no, no. Just us two.

- Go on. Get in. - She wants to go back on her own.

We've discussed it. Alright? I'm staying at hers.

Not tonight. Just...

- You said we would. - Patrick!

- Oh, leave 'em to it. - She doesn't want to!

Would you mind your own fucking business for once?

Come on.

Go on.

What the fuck did you say to her?!

- Nothing! - Guys, please! Please!

Patrick! Patrick, the door's locked!

- Patrick! Patrick! - Yeah.

Alright. Shift over.

Shift over.

Right.

- No, I need to get... - Jessica.

No...

Anne. Anne.

The window's tinted.

Can't see her.

Good night, then.

Where to, mate?

Can you just drive for now?

I'll say where when I know where, okay?

Your money.

Anne, what have I done now?

As usual, fuck-all, Anne. Not a fucking thing.

I told you I needed more time.

I moved out!

Remember? Like you wanted me to.

Yeah, with good reason.

Great. Back to that.

How long are you gonna keep punishing me?

I'm coming back tonight then? On the couch, obviously.

Not tonight. Brilliant.

Two trips, then, is it?

You'll do alright, mate. Don't worry.

I mean, the meter's running. That's all.

Thanks. Oh, I didn't realize.

Mine first, then. Please.

No. Just keep driving... We're not done here.

Do you want me to kick him out, love?

What?

Fucking sit on you, mate.

Miss?

Uh, no.

I can call another taxi to take him home

and I'll take you straight home.

- No, I'm sure. Thanks. - Alright.

I've picked you up before, haven't I?

Don't think so. I would have remembered.

Hm. Usually got an excellent memory.

It'll come to me.

Oh. Hello. I haven't heard this for a while.

Oh, yes.

You know it?

Turn it down now, will ya?

That song is by a man called Dickey Lee.

It's a ghost story.

Young man has been trying to fuck a ghost.

It's an old one.

I weren't talking to you, mate.

Whatever.

Ryan. See?

No. Ian.

What?