Seinfeld

Buying shoes is one of the great shopping challenges.

Ever seen someone put on a new pair of shoes?

They turn into a zombie once they start walking around.

"Yeah, these are pretty good."

Then they have that little 1-foot-high mirror there.

What is that? To see what cats will think of my shoes?

What is that angle?

Bum passed out on the curb.

"Hey, what do you think of these?

I just got them. I've seen them from that angle myself."

That guy was amazing.

He could dunk. And he was my height.

What was his name again?

Jimmy.

Jimmy. Right.

I don't know how you could forget.

He kept referring to himself in the third person.

"Jimmy's under the boards.

"Jimmy's in the open.

Jimmy makes the shot."

Ah, you're just mad because we beat you.

Jerry, it's my fault. I couldn't make a shot.

These losses stay with me.

They fester, Jerry.

No, this is gonna plague me.

Oh, mama!

Ow!

Hey! Jimmy!

Gee!

Great game!

Oh, yeah. Jimmy played pretty good.

Hey, you know, I felt like we had a synergy out there.

You know, like we were really helping each other.

Hey, what do you got there?

These? Yeah.

These are Jimmy's training shoes.

Yeah. I've seen these things.

What are they--? They make your legs stronger?

Oh, yeah.

Jimmy couldn't jump at all before he got these.

Jimmy...was like you.

Huh.

They're plyometric.

Plyometric?

Yeah. They isolate the muscles.

The muscle has to grow or die.

Where you get them?

Jimmy sells them.

You sell them?

Oh, yeah. But Jimmy's all out right now.

Moving to Manhattan... set Jimmy back a bit.

Hey, listen. Let me give you my card.

It's got my home number on it.

I want to buy the first pair when the next shipment comes in.

All right. All right, Jimmy, good talking to you.

Jimmy will see you around.

What day is today?

Oh, Tuesday.

Damn it. I shouldn't have worked out today.

Mr. Wilhelm called a big meeting.

I'm going to be sweating the whole time.

Why? You took a shower.

It wouldn't take.

Ten minutes from now i'll be sweating all over again.

I can feel it. I'm a human heat pump.

Well, you ought to take cold showers.

Cold showers? They're for psychotics.

Well, I take them.

They give me a whoosh.

All right. I'll see you guys later.

So, what? Are you heading home?

No. Got a dental appointment.

Oh, what? Tim Whatley?

Yeah. Yeah, I got a checkup Thursday.

How do you like that.

You know, you really shouldn't brush 24 hours

before seeing the dentist.

I think that's eat 24 hours before surgery.

Oh, no. You've got to eat before surgery.

You need your strength.

I called this meeting because we have a problem.

For the last few months, someone has been stealing

equipment from the club.

Until recently, it's been little things:

bases, batting helmets, donuts.

But...two nights ago, they pulled a big one.

They took a pitching machine, a batting cage,

the infield tarp and all of Mr. Steinbrenner's vitamins.

Now, we have reason to believe it's an inside job.

So if anybody here knows anything about it,

I recommend strongly that...you come forward.

Dr. Whatley's running a little late.

If you'd like to take a seat, I'll call you when he's ready.

All right.

Oh, okay.

Right. Thanks, Mr. Pitt.

Okay. Goodbye.

Hey. You want to go see the Velvet Fog?

The Velvet Fog?

Yeah, Mel Tormé.

That's his nickname.

What the hell is a Velvet Fog?

Do you want to go or not?

Well, where is it?

He's performing at this AMCA benefit.

AMCA?

Able Mentally Challenged Adults.

I can't watch a man sing a song.

What, are you crazy?

They get all emotional. They sway.

It's embarrassing.

Well, what am I gonna do for a date?

Oh, do you know that, um-- That blond guy

who's always on the Exercycle at the health club?

I don't think so.

You know, he's really handsome, with those--

Elaine, I really don't...

pay much attention to men's faces.

You can't find beauty in a man?

No. I find them repugnant and unappealing.

Hey.

To wit.

What?

No, Elaine and I were just discussing

whether or not I could admit a man is attractive.

Hmm. Oh, I'll tell you who's an attractive man.

George Will.

Really? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he has a clean look.

Scrubbed and shampooed.

He's smart.

No, no, I don't find him all that bright.

So you got any cavities?

Just one. Yeah?

Gotta go back.

Oh, but get this.

Elaine, you will appreciate this. What?

I'm sitting in Tim Whatley's waiting room.

He's got a Penthouse right out on the table.

Penthouse?

Yeah. What is that?

I mean, isn't that sick?

I'd be embarrassed to have that in my apartment.

So, what's wrong with that?

He's a doctor.

I mean, it's supposed to be, like, a sterile environment.

So did you, uh, take a look?

Of course. But that's got nothing to do with it.

Well, I'll tell you.

I'm looking forward to my appointment on Thursday.

I might even get there a few minutes early.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, listen.

Do either of you guys know that blond guy

whose always on the Exercycle at the health club?

You know, he's just really handsome?

I, uh-- I wouldn't know.

You know, just admitting a man is handsome

doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.

It doesn't help.

All right. Never mind.

I'll see you.

Hey. Hey.

You know those shoes that Jimmy had?

I cut a deal with him.

We're gonna import a case of them together.

Why are you doing that for? You got a job.

There's a lot of money in this.

He's got a proven sales method.

Yeah? What's that?

He jumps.

Jimmy's got a backer.

Jimmy's jumping for dollars.

Jimmy and George are gonna get rich.

Will you stop with the Jimmys?

Hey, what is this?

Kung Pao.

Hot.

Ooh. Kung Pao!

Look at me.

Look at me.

Come on. I'm stretching right in front of you.

Hey, a smile.

Ha. We made contact.

All right.

One more stretch and then go talk to him.

You know...Jimmy is pretty sweet on you.

Oh. Ha!

He is?

Oh, yeah. Jimmy's been watching you.

You're just Jimmy's type.

Oh. Really?

Jimmy's new in town.

Jimmy, uh, doesn't really know anyone.

Oh, well. I'd like to get to know him.

Jimmy would like to get to know you.

You think Jimmy likes Mel Tormé?

Jimmy loves the Velvet Fog.

Hey, Kramer.

Well, you're looking sharp there, Tim.