Kidding

Previously on Kidding...

Neither of you were here

for the Pickle Wiggle fiasco of 1993.

Picture that thing, but vibrating

at the bottom of a cereal box.

I wanna see a place that makes Mom so happy,

she'd choose that over us.

The show is a trap.

You are a terrible father!

Would you please say something,

anything, please?

Murderer!

You killed the magic!

Murderer! Murderer!

Breakfast is so boring!

- Think again, kids. - Fortissimo!

Maestro Pimento Fermata!

What are you doing here?

Who is ready for some breakfast-a música?

Wow! Awesome!

Allora... now you can be like the maestro

and start your own choir

by collecting all four Pickle Wigglers.

And even more good news!

Best-O's is molto healthy for your body.

Mom, there's no added sugar!

- Oh? - Mom, there's no artificial colors!

- Oh? - Mom, there's no artificial flavors!

Oh? Best-O's Cereal.

The cereal that makes you go...

oh!

'Scuse me.

Clean up, aisle seven.

What the fuck do they put in this shit?

Mom, there's no toy in the box!

Ohh... oh!

Ohh...

Dad, don't hang up.

I'm eating oatmeal. Stop calling.

I haven't seen him since the Philippines.

I don't care. He's an adult. He'll come home.

_

- Ohh... ah... - Mom?

Mom, I'm hungry.

Oh, Jesus...

Where'd it go?

Where did it go? Where did it go?

Ooh...

Why are you walking like that?

Because this is how stressed-out people walk

when their brothers go AWOL!

Oh.

What do I tell the Smithsonian

if he doesn't show up?

He'll be there.

He's not going to miss

his own lifetime achievement award.

This is stale.

I've already lost twenty-four Mr. Pickleses.

I can't lose 25.

Jeff lost his entire pickle family.

He's due some time on his own.

Maybe he finally...

Maddy.

That is insanely inappropriate.

- Go play with your axe. - It's sleeping.

You don't think this is my fault, do you?

Right, because everything's my fault,

always my fault... just say it.

You regret putting me in charge, don't you?

Just say it!

Say it!

Do you wish you only had one child?

Tell me, honestly, right now.

I wanna hear it. It's open season.

You are... unbelievable.

Maddy, get in the car.

I wanna stay with Grandpa.

Fine!

Forget it.

Were you trying to talk just now,

but your brain wouldn't let you?

We need to go see a doctor right now.

Hey! Where's Jeff?

What happens if he doesn't show up?

Have you thought about that?

Are you kidding? You know what Kennedy'll do?

He'll take this glad-ass economy we're swimming in

and burn it to shit

with all those damn freebie programs he's yawing about.

At least he's got what it takes

to stand up to Khrushchev and the Reds.

Are you telling jokes?

Nixon'll take a bite into Khrushchev's thigh

and hold onto it forever like a Doberman Pincher!

It's a Pinscher, not a Pincher.

- It's Pincher. - Pinscher.

Larry, settle an argument.

Gladys.

What'd I tell you about opening the fridge?

Stay in front of the bar.

Kennedy's a bootlegger... but I like a bootlegger.

Better than that war hawk Dick Nixon.

Larry served.

I was a sniper in Korea.

Took out a lotta bad guys. No big deal.

Sure, Nixon's a bullet pusher,

but he's a family man too.

You got kids, Larry?

Phil, Will, Bill, Gil, Til, and Dill...

all boys.

Larry with the strong semen!

Oh, yeah,

and they're all gonna vote Nixon, Larry!

Aw, come on!

Larry, I'm still waitin' on that Sidecar.

Sorry, Babs.

Next one's on the house.

You're a prince, Larry.

Ha. Tell ya what.

Next one's on the house for everybody.

- Oh! - Oh!

- Hey, Larry! - Larry! Larry!

Larry, Larry!

- Larry, Larry! - I need a quick refill.

Larry, Larry...

They're dry as a bone out there.

Good. Ha.

Let's keep it that way.

_

_

You good, man?

Uh...

I should get going.

Do you wanna be buried, cremated,

- or drowned? - What?

Did you see that woman?

- What woman? - It's the strangest thing.

She looked exactly like my ex-wife... exactly.

I thought you hated her.

I do.

I also love her.

I get it. I really get it.

Wait here.

Sebastian.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

I had a momentary inability to speak.

But everything feels tip-top now.

I'm afraid your blood work

tells a complicated story of love and loss.

- It does? - It does what?

I'm sorry. What did you say?

I said you've had a minor stroke.

Oh, well, well, that's what I thought.

And you're at risk for a major one.

- Should she be here? - She's my nurse.

Maddy, do you wanna leave?

- No. - All right.

Your red blood cell count... it's high.

It's like California and earthquakes.

The Big One could come tomorrow.

Could be a week, a month.

- A year? - I didn't say a year.

Your heart sounds scared.

Hey, let's just keep this our little secret, okay?

Pinky promise.

Pinky promise.

Is there a cure for dementia,

Alzheimer's? No.

But can we treat it? Yes.

With quality memory care.

Inside of these walls, it is 1960 all day,

every day.

Mickey Mantle bats for the Yankees

and Eisenhower sits in the Oval.

Nostalgia therapy comforts the fragile mind

from... from outbursts...

Could you excuse me for one second?

- Sure. - Thank you.

_

What's up, man?

- Can I stay a little longer? - You're Jeff Pickles.

You can stay as long as you want.

That's not true, Cornell.

No, no, I really don't mind.

You should know by now

that visiting hours don't apply to you.

No, I mean you said I'm Jeff Pickles, but...

he isn't born for another eight years.

Have I shown you the bus stop?

It's new since your last visit.

Solved a big problem for us...

what to do when a patient wants to leave.

So now when they get that itch to go,

an aide comes and brings them to the bus stop,

and they wait until they forget

why they wanted to leave in the first place.

And they just go right back inside.

But don't you feel like you're lying

to the elderly and demented?