Little Siberia (Pikku-Siperia)

He's hurrying to his girl

The lively boy

With a twinkle in their eyes They shake hands

The summer night is so beautiful

Somewhere far away, there was an explosion.

And it came to me.

13 BILLION YEARS EARLIER

6 BILLION YEARS EARLIER

800 MILLION YEARS EARLIER

40 MILLION YEARS EARLIER

7 MILLION YEARS EARLIER

42 YEARS EARLIER

178 DAYS EARLIER 97 DAYS EARLIER

68 DAYS EARLIER 54 DAYS EARLIER

37 DAYS EARLIER 25 DAYS EARLIER

14 DAYS EARLIER

CHARMSVILLE

- Ouch. Wait. My hair. - What?

- My arm's going numb. - Okay.

- See if there's anything harder. - Something even harder?

- So the swimmers won't escape. - Hold on.

This is hard. Will it do?

A miraculous moment.

A sign from your boss?

Let's get some sleep.

Babies... babies... babies...

Some consider them small miracles.

The world's population will be 11.9 billion by the end of 2100.

Imagine the number of people.

All the billions of babies.

Babies instead of grasshoppers.

Swarming everywhere.

What is God's plan?

Eleven point what?

Eleven point nine billion.

That's a lot of babies.

And everything else, in addition to the babies.

Pandemics, polar ice caps, all that. What's happening?

Are we getting destroyed? Has the Lord said anything?

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

We're actually out of time.

Right. Another hour gone.

Thank you, Pastor.

It was helpful to talk.

- I feel better now. - Matias!

There's fresh coffee?

Thank you, Pirkko. I could use some coffee.

Yeah, that meteorite fell from the sky.

That's where they usually fall from.

Yes. From heaven.

From there.

From God.

Or from outer space.

I hear it's worth millions.

There are leftover buns in the office.

- All right. That's nice. - Great.

The villagers are nuts about it.

Perhaps there was life. Then their globe exploded and...

They were eating chocolate eggs on Easter and jumping on the trampoline.

Boom. Just a sea of flames.

Let's talk about that next time. It's good you're feeling better now.

Matias. I've tried a new recipe.

- Right. - Whipped cream and jam on a bun.

By the way, have you read about Ebola phase two?

Not at all, actually.

LITTLE SIBERIA

The door's open. Come on in. Go ahead.

- What's up, Pastor? It's a cold day. - Yeah.

You're probably not used to temperatures quite this cold.

I have a question. What the hell?

Well, gentlemen. What is this?

What do you think it is?

Maybe a moose?

Räystäinen has a sense of humor.

The hunting season's been over for a month now.

He jumped in front of the car.

- Depressed and suicidal. - Come inside!

There's buns and coffee. And I didn't bake them. Don't worry.

- They're meteorite buns. - A suicidal moose.

I meant to say that the meteorite...

It'll be taken to London for an evaluation in five days.

- But I... - Hello! Yeah, there are buns!

Thank you.

But I have a feeling that someone has been sneaking around the museum.

I have retirees on night guard. They barely stay awake during the day.

I need someone competent. A soldier.

Help me, Joel.

- Help me. Please. - No, no.

Joel. That rock is the future of this village.

It's the future of my shop.

People from Japan, Nigeria, China, America, India...

Hey. The Lord is testing us.

...we want them here. Growing economies.

- Hello, everyone. - Hello there.

And that means money.

That's why I invited you all here. Entrepreneurs, the soul of the village.

The election's over. Get to the point!

That rock is our future.

Have you been a bad boy?

Big thanks to the Veterans Association for keeping watch at night.

Why won't we sell the rock?

No. Let's brainstorm ideas on how to benefit from this celestial body.

That rock is mine.

It fell into my car.

- I own that land. It's an ore deposit. - No one owns celestial bodies.

Let's make this fun. There's a meteorite drawing contest at Golden Moon.

The winning drawing will be used to build a meteorite monument.

If we leave now, do we get any buns?

- Let's listen. It's good. - Let's listen. It's good.

Hold this, honey. There are...

- Please stop, honey. - No, it's going so well...

Books on Japanese culture.

Let's all learn how to bow correctly together.

Like this. Hai.

Stop there.

Let's have some hot chocolate.

This is a good spot.

You mean Charmsville?

Yeah, well... Charmsville. The Earth.

But didn't you call it, and I quote, "one-horse town in a pig's rear end"?

I didn't mean it quite like that.

- So, a rear-end town, but in a good way. - Oh Lord.

Right. This is the Earth.

Charmsville.

Venus is around there. This would be Mars, this Jupiter.

An asteroid cloud in between.

The Andromeda Galaxy and infinity.

And then, right there.

What is it?

Well... I'm pregnant.

- Pregnant? - I'm pregnant.

- Pregnant? - Very pregnant.

Wow.

CHARMSVILLE KINDERGARTEN

Bye, core of my universe. Will you pick me up?

- At four. - Yes. Great.

- See you. - Bye.

Some years ago, I served as a peacekeeper, and...

I was injured by a mine.

Pain, nightmares, trouble sleeping.

Not good.

I was hit pretty bad.

Including...

my testicles.

- Not good. - Right.

Back then, the diagnosis was that I can't have children.

- Not good. - But now...

And you haven't told your wife.

Oh dear. Not good.

- I thought I should double-check. - Good! Let's double-check.

Can you get a full erection?

What? Yes. Unless...

- How much is missing? - Not much. Just...

This much?

- Well, no... - Then this much?

I mean... No, no, no.

More than that. Hold on. Let me try.

It isn't...

Like...

Like that.

Not good.

What do you mean? Does the angle matter?

No.

I've just never met a man with shrapnel in his balls.

Sperm in the cup.

And boom, boom. Boom, boom, boom...

Pose for the audience.

And up, down and down.

- And... - So...

Let me see.

Boom.

Just like that?

Here's the punch bowl.

- I have to go. Joel is... - Yes.

Everyone's having a great time, even if they don't say it.

People love the class. Thanks for doing it!

- That's wonderful. - Thanks.

- Yeah. - Such a wonderful person.

Hi!

Why did Pirkko have our punch bowl?

We had a party when you traveled to the seminar.

You should have seen it. Pirkko owned the dance floor.

You mean Pirkko, the fundamentalist? "Spotless office" Pirkko?

That's right. I don't think you've got much altar wine left.

Was there anyone else at the party?

Or was it a ladies' dance?

I mean, was Räystäinen there?

Ladies' dance?

If something happens in the village, people will show up.

Dancing can't be good for the baby.

It's good exercise.

It's also my career, remember?

Or whatever is left of it after following you into the backwoods.

Sorry. I didn't mean that. I just...

Okay.

I've been meaning to tell you...

For a while now, actually...

That...

Well?

I'll go...