The Eric Andre Show

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"! >> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

IT'S "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"! >> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAH! OHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAH! OHH! AAAH! OHH!

AAAAAH! OHH! AAAH! OHH! UGH! UGH! UGH!

AAAH! OHH! UGH! UGH! UGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

UGH! UGH! UGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! >> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! >> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

>> NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! >> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! >> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OOF!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OOF!

OOF!

>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

>> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I'M GONNA DO A MONOLOGUE.

I'M GONNA DO A MONOLOGUE.

SO, THE -- THEY GOT A NEW

SO, THE -- THEY GOT A NEW ACTRESS OUT NAMED, UH,

SO, THE -- THEY GOT A NEW ACTRESS OUT NAMED, UH, EMMA ROBERTS.

ACTRESS OUT NAMED, UH, EMMA ROBERTS. YEAH.

EMMA ROBERTS. YEAH. APPARENTLY, SHE'S MADE OUT OF

YEAH. APPARENTLY, SHE'S MADE OUT OF ERIC ROBERTS' JIZZ.

APPARENTLY, SHE'S MADE OUT OF ERIC ROBERTS' JIZZ.

ERIC ROBERTS' JIZZ. >> WHAT?

>> WHAT? >> YEAH.

>> WHAT? >> YEAH. IT'S LIKE, "JESUS CALLED!

>> YEAH. IT'S LIKE, "JESUS CALLED! HE WANTS HIS MIRACLE BACK!"

IT'S LIKE, "JESUS CALLED! HE WANTS HIS MIRACLE BACK!"

HE WANTS HIS MIRACLE BACK!" >> WHY WOULD --

>> WHY WOULD -- >> YEAH. JESUS WAS ALL LIKE,

>> WHY WOULD -- >> YEAH. JESUS WAS ALL LIKE, "UH, CHECK, PREASE!"

>> YEAH. JESUS WAS ALL LIKE, "UH, CHECK, PREASE!" WE ALL KNOW JESUS WAS ASIAN,

"UH, CHECK, PREASE!" WE ALL KNOW JESUS WAS ASIAN, OKAY?

WE ALL KNOW JESUS WAS ASIAN, OKAY? HIS REAL NAME WAS

OKAY? HIS REAL NAME WAS CHINESUS CLIST.

HIS REAL NAME WAS CHINESUS CLIST. >> THAT'S NOT GOOD STUFF.

CHINESUS CLIST. >> THAT'S NOT GOOD STUFF. >> UH, UH, SO -- SO, THEY GOT

>> THAT'S NOT GOOD STUFF. >> UH, UH, SO -- SO, THEY GOT THIS NEW CHINESE RAPPER,

>> UH, UH, SO -- SO, THEY GOT THIS NEW CHINESE RAPPER, RR COOR J.

THIS NEW CHINESE RAPPER, RR COOR J. >> INVESTIGATE 9/11.

RR COOR J. >> INVESTIGATE 9/11. 9/11 WAS PERPETRATED BY PEOPLE

>> INVESTIGATE 9/11. 9/11 WAS PERPETRATED BY PEOPLE WITHIN OUR OWN GOVERNMENT.

9/11 WAS PERPETRATED BY PEOPLE WITHIN OUR OWN GOVERNMENT. [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING

WITHIN OUR OWN GOVERNMENT. [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ]

[ AUDIENCE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ] >> UH, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO

INDISTINCTLY ] >> UH, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO CHILLAX, 'CAUSE I THINK WE ALL

>> UH, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO CHILLAX, 'CAUSE I THINK WE ALL KNOW "RINE AREVEN" WAS A

CHILLAX, 'CAUSE I THINK WE ALL KNOW "RINE AREVEN" WAS A "RINSIDE ROB"!

KNOW "RINE AREVEN" WAS A "RINSIDE ROB"!

"RINSIDE ROB"!

>> HOW DARE YOU, MOTHER YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA

MOTHER YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA FIND OUT?!

YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA FIND OUT?! YOU! YOU, BITCH!

FIND OUT?! YOU! YOU, BITCH! YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA

YOU! YOU, BITCH! YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA FIND OUT?!

YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T GONNA FIND OUT?! BITCH! YOU THOUGHT YOU'RE SO

FIND OUT?! BITCH! YOU THOUGHT YOU'RE SO SLICK?!

BITCH! YOU THOUGHT YOU'RE SO SLICK?! >> MICHELLE!

SLICK?! >> MICHELLE! OWWW!

>> MICHELLE! OWWW! >> MOTHER THAT'S RIGHT!

OWWW! >> MOTHER THAT'S RIGHT! >> MICHELLE!

>> MOTHER THAT'S RIGHT! >> MICHELLE! >> YOU KNOW WHAT?!

>> MICHELLE! >> YOU KNOW WHAT?! THIS IS A BAG OF MY FECES!

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?! THIS IS A BAG OF MY FECES! THAT'S RIGHT!

THIS IS A BAG OF MY FECES! THAT'S RIGHT! >> OH, MICHELLE, COME ON!

THAT'S RIGHT! >> OH, MICHELLE, COME ON! >> THERE IS ENOUGH FOR YOU AND

>> OH, MICHELLE, COME ON! >> THERE IS ENOUGH FOR YOU AND YOUR WOMAN!

>> THERE IS ENOUGH FOR YOU AND YOUR WOMAN!

YOUR WOMAN!

>> DUDE. >> HMM? >> WE GOT A GUEST, DUDE.

>> HMM? >> WE GOT A GUEST, DUDE. >> NO, YEAH. I KNOW.

>> WE GOT A GUEST, DUDE. >> NO, YEAH. I KNOW. UH, JIMMY KIMMEL, COME OUT.

>> NO, YEAH. I KNOW. UH, JIMMY KIMMEL, COME OUT.

UH, JIMMY KIMMEL, COME OUT.

HEY!

HEY!

WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP? >> NOTHING. HOW YOU DOING?

WHAT'S UP? >> NOTHING. HOW YOU DOING? >> SHHHHH!

>> NOTHING. HOW YOU DOING? >> SHHHHH! I'M EATING FISH AND CHIPS AS

>> SHHHHH! I'M EATING FISH AND CHIPS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

I'M EATING FISH AND CHIPS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. >> EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT.

MUCH AS POSSIBLE. >> EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT.

>> EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT. IN ENGLAND, THEY'RE, UH --

IN ENGLAND, THEY'RE, UH -- >> JIMMY, I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW.

IN ENGLAND, THEY'RE, UH -- >> JIMMY, I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW. >> OH, I'M SORRY.

>> JIMMY, I'M TALKING RIGHT NOW. >> OH, I'M SORRY. >> DO YOU EVER TAKE SOME OF --

>> OH, I'M SORRY. >> DO YOU EVER TAKE SOME OF -- AFTER YOU TAKE A POO, YOU TAKE

>> DO YOU EVER TAKE SOME OF -- AFTER YOU TAKE A POO, YOU TAKE SOME OF THE TURDS OUT OF THE

AFTER YOU TAKE A POO, YOU TAKE SOME OF THE TURDS OUT OF THE TOILET WITH CHOPSTICKS AND YOU

SOME OF THE TURDS OUT OF THE TOILET WITH CHOPSTICKS AND YOU TRY AND PUT THEM BACK INSIDE

TOILET WITH CHOPSTICKS AND YOU TRY AND PUT THEM BACK INSIDE YOUR BODY JUST IN CASE YOU

TRY AND PUT THEM BACK INSIDE YOUR BODY JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED OUT ON ANY NUTRIENTS?

YOUR BODY JUST IN CASE YOU MISSED OUT ON ANY NUTRIENTS? >> WHAT THE ARE YOU

MISSED OUT ON ANY NUTRIENTS? >> WHAT THE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?

>> WHAT THE ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN? >> THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE,

TALKING ABOUT, MAN? >> THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, MAN.

>> THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE, MAN. SHUT THE UP ASSHOLE!

MAN. SHUT THE UP ASSHOLE!

SHUT THE UP ASSHOLE! BOOM! KIMMEL!

BOOM! KIMMEL! I AM KILLIN' IT.

BOOM! KIMMEL! I AM KILLIN' IT. YOU'RE ON THE SHOW.

I AM KILLIN' IT. YOU'RE ON THE SHOW. THIS IS A SHOW!

YOU'RE ON THE SHOW. THIS IS A SHOW! YOU GET TO MEET ME.

THIS IS A SHOW! YOU GET TO MEET ME. >> MM-HMM.

YOU GET TO MEET ME. >> MM-HMM. >> LOOK AT ME!

>> MM-HMM. >> LOOK AT ME! >> HEH!

>> LOOK AT ME! >> HEH! >> WELL, UM...

>> HEH! >> WELL, UM... >> ARE YOU FAMILIAR?

>> WELL, UM... >> ARE YOU FAMILIAR? YOU GOT YOUR START IN RADIO.

>> ARE YOU FAMILIAR? YOU GOT YOUR START IN RADIO. JOE, GET OUT OF THE SHOT, MAN.

YOU GOT YOUR START IN RADIO. JOE, GET OUT OF THE SHOT, MAN. >> YOU GOT TO GET OUT OF THE

JOE, GET OUT OF THE SHOT, MAN. >> YOU GOT TO GET OUT OF THE SHOT, MAN.

>> YOU GOT TO GET OUT OF THE SHOT, MAN. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JOE?

SHOT, MAN. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JOE? >> YOU'RE IN THE SHOT!

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JOE? >> YOU'RE IN THE SHOT! >> HE'S GOING THROUGH A REALLY

>> YOU'RE IN THE SHOT! >> HE'S GOING THROUGH A REALLY ROUGH TIME.

>> HE'S GOING THROUGH A REALLY ROUGH TIME. HIS WIFE'S REALLY SICK.

ROUGH TIME. HIS WIFE'S REALLY SICK. >> MY SEAT FEELS LIKE, UM --

HIS WIFE'S REALLY SICK. >> MY SEAT FEELS LIKE, UM -- LIKE IT'S ALIVE OR SOMETHING.

>> MY SEAT FEELS LIKE, UM -- LIKE IT'S ALIVE OR SOMETHING. >> YEAH, WE GOT SNAKES.

LIKE IT'S ALIVE OR SOMETHING. >> YEAH, WE GOT SNAKES. >> WITH HUMAN TRAITS.

>> YEAH, WE GOT SNAKES. >> WITH HUMAN TRAITS. THEY GOT EMOTIONS AND THEY COUGH

>> WITH HUMAN TRAITS. THEY GOT EMOTIONS AND THEY COUGH AND THEY WATCH TV SHOWS.

THEY GOT EMOTIONS AND THEY COUGH AND THEY WATCH TV SHOWS.

AND THEY WATCH TV SHOWS. >> YOU HAVE SNAKES WITH HUMAN

>> YOU HAVE SNAKES WITH HUMAN TRAITS?

>> YOU HAVE SNAKES WITH HUMAN TRAITS? >> MM-HMM.

TRAITS? >> MM-HMM. >> THAT IS A --

>> MM-HMM. >> THAT IS A -- THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.

>> THAT IS A -- THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.

THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION. UH, YOU MARRIED?