The Menu

Babe.

Please don't smoke. It'll kill your palate.

Then my palate will die happy.

Hey.

Margot, tonight is huge, okay?

The flavor profiles, it's all super delicate.

When you smoke, you ruin your ability to be able to appreciate them.

Oh, come on!

Please. Please.

Fine. Jesus.

- Thank you. - (SHIP HORN BLARES)

Oh! Thank God.

Is that gonna fit everyone?

Yeah, easily. Twelve customers total.

A night?

How do they turn a profit?

$1,250 a head. That's how.

You're fucking kidding, right?

What, are we eating a Rolex?

Come on, let's not ruin this by talking price, yeah?

Just go with the flow.

Let it be magical.

- Hey, it's your dime. - Mmm.

Not bad! Oh, thanks, man.

You deserve this, baby.

You know who's gonna love this? Betty!

It's just a "fuck you" to Accounts.

It's not even a client dinner.

Fuck. We're dicks, huh?

Great. A power tasting.

They'll be wasted by the amuse.

Hi, guys. By boat.

How did you think we were gonna get on the...

Look at you on a gangplank in heels.

Fuck.

Holy fucking shit.

Lillian Bloom. Oh, my God.

- Who's Lillian Bloom? - (SHUSHES)

Food critic for Saveur.

She basically discovered Slowik.

Okay, well, it's official.

Tonight will be madness.

All aboard for Hawthorn!

Hawthorn! All aboard!

Wow.

(OVER PA SYSTEM) Ladies and gentlemen,

please make yourselves comfortable for our short journey to Hawthorn Island.

- Thank you. Ahoy!

And avast, me hearties!

Let's hope she's seaworthy, eh?

Yes, sir. Yeah.

Boat... Boat jokes.

- Yeah, yeah. - Boat, yeah.

- We're on a boat. - Yeah. We're on a boat.

Hey, we got a famous person on board, huh?

FP in the house.

Barely F anymore, though. It's not 1998.

He's a P, and he's F.

Oh, my God. Check it out.

Hey, aren't you supposed to be running interference for me?

Make sure people don't bother me, then?

God, we both know you were not bothered.

I saw all his movies when I was a kid.

Hey, listen.

Apparently, he's a big foodie. You know, thinks he is.

Chef Slowik would like to welcome you

with a raw local oyster in a mignonette emulsion,

with lemon caviar and an oyster leaf. Enjoy.

- Beautiful. Thank you. - Thank you.

It's one of his classics. Mmm-mmm.

The lemon pearls are made with alginate.

- Alginate, as in, um... - (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

As in algae. Come on.

Right, yeah.

- Pond scum. - It's not...

Delicious. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, my God.

It's laughable.

It's actually fucking laughably good.

- It's good. - Mmm.

Think I prefer just the oyster, though. Love oysters.

No. No. It's the balance of the products.

You need the mouth feel of the mignonette.

Please don't say "mouth feel."

- Too late. Mouthfeel. - (CHUCKLES)

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - Hi.

Thank you.

Jesus, this is like prom.

Yeah? I never went to prom.

- Really? Why not? - (MUSIC FADES)

'Cause none of the cool girls like you said, "Yes."

Aw, poor baby.

- Well, fuck those bitches. - (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- Bryce. - Welcome.

Welcome, Mr. Lorimer.

- Hello. Felicity Lynn. Hello. Good evening.

- And Damien Garcia. And Mr. George Diaz.

- Mr. Diaz. Welcome. - You gave my real name?

Of course I gave them your real name.

- What about the paparazzi? - It's a pleasure to have you.

Paparazzi? We're on an island.

Of course I gave them your real name.

Welcome to Hawthorn.

Mr. Ledford and Miss Westervelt?

Oh, no. Um...

Sorry, yeah, no. That was, uh...

That's not Miss... She had a change of plans,

so Miss Westervelt couldn't... This is Miss...

I'm Margot.

- Hi. Nice to meet you. - (TYLER CLEARS THROAT)

Margot. Welcome.

We'll endeavor to make your evening as pleasant as possible.

- Thanks. - Right this way.

Thanks.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

That was really awkward. I'm sorry. That was not...

- No, no. Fine. - (SIGHS)

Don't worry about it.

(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry.

Mr. Leibrandt. Mrs. Leibrandt. Welcome.

We'll just go straight to the restaurant, if you don't mind.

We've seen the tour many, many times.

Yes, yes, you have.

My esteemed guests can continue their conversation this way.

Thank you. Please follow me.

So, like, what are you working on now?

Oh, hey, thanks for asking. See, people still know me.

I'm moving into the presenter phase of my career.

You know? Do me.

Hawthorn Island comprises 12 acres of forest and pasture.

We have the bounty of the sea surrounding us.

Oh, yeah, right.

Out there, right now, we are harvesting scallops.

You'll eat them tonight.

- No, get out. Oh, shoot! - Yes.

Hey! (LAUGHING)

Hey, harvest harder, me dude!

We're starving!

Oh, my goodness.

I do like the sense of it being a sort of bio me of culinary ideas.

Right. Like, it functions like an epicurean salon.

No, I like bio me better I think.

Biome's better. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's... Yeah.

We have reached the base camp of Mount Bullshit.

This is insane. (CHUCKLES)

Smell that.

Mmm.

We're gonna be hungry.

Yeah, I'm a huge embarrassing foodie.

I love this stuff.

And I'm close, personal friends with the chef.

Okay, player.

Our smokehouse is in the Nordic tradition.

We use the meat of dairy cows only,

which we age for an astonishing 152 days to relax the protein strands.

Ah, yes. Yes. Can we pop in here?

- Dude, I read about one of these online. - Oh, yeah? Can I check it out?

Korean barbeque. - Yes.

But please, do not touch our proteins. They're immature.

So, what happens if you serve it on the 153rd day?

Does all hell break loose, or...

Well, I suppose the bacteria would introduce itself

to the consumer's bloodstream and spread into their spinal membranes,

after which point, he or she would become incapacitated

and shortly thereafter expire.

So, yes, all hell would break loose.

Good thing we're pros, yes?

I'd like to work for her.

Yeah. Cool.

This is where we live.

Yeah? What, you actually live here? All of you?

All of us.

Except Chef.

- Yeah, well... Oof.

Esprit de corps. No?

No, Mr. Feldman. It's very much more than that.

Here we are family.

Each day starts at 6:00, with five hours of prep work.

We harvest. We ferment.

We slaughter. We marinate.

We liquify. We spherify.

We gel.

- They, um... They "gel?" - Yeah.

We gel.

Dinner is typically four hours and 25 minutes.

Each day ends at well past 2:00 in the morning.

So yes, it's best that we all live here.

You guys ever get burned out, or...

- "Burned out?" - Yeah, sorry, sorry.

Like, tired of doing the same thing?

Chef holds himself to the highest standard, and so do we.

We never burn anything unless by design, to make delicious.

Now, who's hungry?

There is food at the end of this, right?

Boat food to dinner table.

Elsa.

Excuse me.

Elsa. Elsa, hi.

Uh, who lives there?

Chef.