Chad Powers

This is who your dad used to date back in high school.

- No, no, no. Nah, nah, nah! - Yes!

Oh, Coach. Chad.

Uh, this is my old friend from high school,

Willie Cameron, and his son Dex.

- We played ball together. - Yes!

Yes, yes. Hi, nice to meet you.

- I know. - Nice to meet you, yeah.

Yeah, you had that awesome, uh, one-hander in the semis.

What? You remember that?

- That was 20 years ago! -

I actually forgot about that catch.

Yeah, I use-- I used to watch all the recruiting tape

- with my dad, so... - Nice!

Is your boy ill?

Actually, yes, Chad.

Dex was recently diagnosed with leukemia.

But he loves football. And his new favorite player

is Chad Powers of the 5-0 South Georgia Catfish.

- That right? - Yeah.

It's nice to meet you, Dex.

- Nice to meet you, too. - Chad.

- Nah, this is-- - No, no, Willie, you're always too polite.

- They'd love an autograph. - Oh!

Oh, it's the least I can do.

Thanks.

Chad, what's up?

- Hmm? - Hmm?

Oh, this is just how I sign my balls.

By completely coloring 'em in?

- Yes, sirree. -

- Not yet. A couple more. -

You know, I think we may need another Sharpie.

What-- So what-- like, what grade are you in?

- Uh, seventh grade. - Seventh grade.

- Chad Powers. - Oof.

We all know you're the starting quarterback

for the undefeated Catfish.

We all know you're on a five-week tear,

leading the Catfish to an undefeated record.

What we don't know about you is basically anything else.

Well, for one...

I'm Chad.

Indeed you are. Uh, all I know

is you play ball like a man possessed.

But who are you playing for?

Maybe a mentor, someone who inspired you. Somebody from home?

Who do you wanna make proud, Chad?

Who do I wanna make proud? Uh...

I'll, uh... Coach Hudson.

Coaches Hudson.

Well, sure you do. They're your coaches.

But before you even knew the Coaches Hudson, Chad,

who from your past inspired you to play football in the first place?

Chad, there's gotta be someone, or something,

that made you who you are.

Benjamin Franklin.

Ben Franklin?

Benjamin Franklin.

Okay. Ben Franklin.

Well, how did he inspire you?

He's the-- the father of electricity.

So, you know, without-- Without Ben Franklin, I mean...

you know, there-- These-- There's nothing for the lights to run on.

So, the stadium lights, field lights, you know, playing in the dark.

Yeah, just-- Just dark football. And that's--

Nobody can see the dark football, you know?

So-- So, I really-- We owe a lot to him.

- He really paved the way. - Cut!

- We got it. - Mm-hmm. Oh, yep.

Come on, fellas! It's half-time!

- Thank you, sir. - Really, really-- You did good job.

That was weird.

Y'all got it? No, no, no.

You are not puttin' that on College GameDay.

Natural responses are good.

No, no, no, I'm not-- I'm not listenin' to someone in Vejas.

- Hey, Chad? Chad! - Hey.

- Chad! - Tricia, we need to run practice.

I need to give the boy a little note.

Oh, give-- Hm. You got 30 seconds.

- Hey, baby bear. - Hi, Miss Tricia.

Hey. We're gonna do that again, alright?

- Mm-mm, no. - Yeah, we are.

And I was thinkin' on this next one,

you should just look right at the camera, alright,

and just say somethin' sort of moving and-- and original.

Like a Bible verse. The word of John the Baptist.

No! Just somethin' like-- like, um...

Like, "With great power comes great responsibility."

Yeah, that's from Spider-Man.

What is that?

What is Spider-Man?

Tricia! Off the field, now.

Listen, Chad, we are a Top 10 team now.

You-- You're Dawson's sweetheart.

Folks are sayin' you could be a first-round pick.

And yet, you have done no interviews.

I don't really like the media.

Me neither. They're-- They're all in Soros' pocket,

- everybody knows that. Listen... - Everybody knows.

It's a necessary evil, okay?

This whole GameDay set, it's just a chance for folks

to finally learn, who is Chad Powers?

- Is he a low-T little bitch or-- -

- Oh! - Oh, God.

- Oh! - What the fuck?

- Oh! - Purge yourself and be clean.

I can't imagine what you eat.

- - What is--

- No. - May I-- May I be excused?

- Get some water, son. - Come on! Ugh.

- Sorry. - Disgusting.

Looks like dog shit.

Psst.

- Hey. - Hey, how are ya?

Oh! I wanted to pitch a movie idea to you.

A biopic about Chris Benoit.

He's the wrestler that killed his wife, kids, and then...

...offed himself.

- What do you think? - Right, yeah, it's-- It's great.

But this is-- This is College GameDay.

Yeah, I love movies.

Days of Thunder, awesome. Awesome.

- That's a good one. - It's a good one.

- - Oh, my God!

- What are you doing home? - Took practice off.

Going back later for film. Beautiful singing voice, by the way.

So, until then, you're...

practicing your autograph.

Very me in fifth grade.

Well, Chad's famous now.

Which means Chad's gonna be signing a lot of merchandise,

which means Chad can't risk writing his real name,

which is Russ, not Chad.

Russ, breathe.

We got to move into a sick new place for free

because Chad is such a brand now.

People adore you.

Everything we've worked for, it's coming true.

Yeah.

So, what's wrong?

Nothing.

That's the problem. Shit's going too good.

I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that concept.

- - Okay, Danny, let me tell you

how my life works.

Last time I played Georgia in the Rose Bowl,

I'm an inch from the goal line, and a gust of wind

knocks the ball out of my hand.

I land a cameo in the Eric André movie. That gets cut out.

I'm about to get my shot with the XFL,

and that cancer kid just gives up and fuckin' dies.

Bad stuff always happens to Russ.

Just a matter of time before it starts happening to Chad.

Okay, the voice switching is really freaking me out.

Yeah, you fuckin' think?

Maybe in the past you've been--

Fisted by God? Had everything stolen from me?

That's not gonna happen this time.

Oh, oh, sorry, sorry, do you-- Do you have access to a time machine?

Do you have a little orb that sees the future?

- How do you know? - Because you've never had me before.

We just gotta be smart. Keep stonewalling interviews

until we're sure the mask is ready for 8K HD.

Speaking of, did you know your dad's movie is shooting in Atlanta?

He could really elevate the makeup.

Okay, my dad is the last guy I'm talking to about any of this shit.

Chad's great. Maybe he'd be proud.

Well, no matter how great Chad is, he's still got Russ' asshole.

Which means God can find it, and fist it.

- Coach in his office? - Yes, ma'am.

So what, you just sit out here and pull your pud till he needs you?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, a gentleman might get up and walk me in.

I'm sorry, you want me to treat you like a gentleman now?

Fuck off, Scott.

Oh, babe, let me hop.

Yeah, okay, I love you.

I'll see you later. Alright, bye.

What more can I possibly do for you, Tricia?

- Was that Wendy? - Yes, it was.

Aw, how's her sister doing?

Better, much better.

Oh, and they go see a therapist?