Once Upon a Honeymoon

Hello? Hello?

Who?

Just a minute.

- Madam... Madam... - Yes, Elsa?

- Telephone. - Is it the fitter?

No, madam.

Didn't I say...?

But, madam, this is a long-distance call from the United States.

Mr, er...

Mr Brooklyn and... Mr B-Bronx.

Oh, yes, Elsa.

I've been expecting this call. Would you mind leaving the room?

- Yes. - Quickly.

Hello? Yes, Operator.

This is Katherine Butt-Smith speaking.

I've been waiting for this call. Please put it through.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hello, Momma!

Katie O'Hara! What's come over you spending your money like this?

I could buy myself a washing machine with what this is costing you...

but what's troubling you, darling?

I'm going to be married, Momma.

Gee! I wish you were here!

I always imagined you'd be at my wedding, Momma!

Is this a hasty marriage, Katie?

Well, he comes from a long line of wealthy Austrian people, Momma, and they're all dead.

He's the sole heir.

Is he good enough for me? He's a Baron.

I'll be a baroness, Momma.

I can't understand you wanting to be a baroness.

I knew them highfalutin books you read would do you no good!

You was doing so well in burlesque. You were queen of them all.

Be a baroness if you will,

but I hope I can always say with pride,

"There goes the daughter of Flannel Pants O'Hara!"

All right, Momma.

Goodbye, Momma.

They're going to connect me.

Hello?

Hello? Where have you been? Madam is waiting for you!

We've been calling and calling!

The lady cannot get dressed until she sees you.

- Pardon me. I want to speak to... - The fitter, I know. Hold the wire now.

Don't you get off that wire, I've tried three times already!

Just a second. Don't you go away! Madam?

- Madam! - Yes, Elsa?

I have the fitter.

Oh?

Where?

On the telephone...

Elsa, he should be here, not on the telephone.

But he's there.

You just don't order clothes the way you do groceries.

Hello? What's delayed you so long?

Miss Butt-Smith?

This is Miss BUTT-Smith speaking!

Pardon me, Miss Butt-Smith.

This is the American Embassy.

I'm afraid there's been a mistake.

The man isn't even a fitter!

Oh, how stupid of me!

And I asked him to come and dress you!

How stupid! I said he should come right over!

Is it something I should attend to?

It's about your marriage to an Austrian Baron, Miss B... Butt-Smith.

In an international alliance, there are many technicalities.

Are you the ambassador?

No. I'm Mr O'Toole of the Foreign Marriage Department.

Oh...

Have you considered the matter of your American citizenship?

We'd be glad to send someone over to discuss it with you.

Well...

Mr. O'Toole, if you'll let me have your number, I'll phone you back, eh?

R661382.

R661382?

Very well.

- She thought I was a fitter! - Yeah? What's she gonna do now?

- Call me back. - Uh-huh? You're dead!

Why?

We've tried every way in the book to interview that dame.

Baby, is she tough.

And she's our only chance to pin anything on the Baron.

Is that why you dragged me here from Paris?

Look, Cumberland, I'm in Europe as a news commentator, not a legman.

I broadcast. I'm through snooping for stories.

This one is big enough!

You show up Baron von Luber as Hitler's undercover man,

they'll give you a broadcasting station.

Is he that important? I never heard of him.

He passes as an Austrian patriot,

but he's Hitler's personal fingerman!

I'm sure of it, Pat!

I've been trying to pin it on him for two years, but no dice.

Excuse me, I wanna see what Miss Butt-Smith has to say.

Hello?

Is this the American Embassy?

Yes.

I should like to talk to a Mr O'Toole, please.

- What about? - It's about my fiancee.

This is Baron von Luber speaking.

It's the Baron.

Well, how do you do, Baron? I take it Miss Butt-Smith...

You're unduly concerned about my future wife's status, Mr O'Toole.

According to United States law, a woman who marries a foreigner

retains her American citizenship, unless she specifically renounces it.

Am I correct?

Well, yes, of course... That's quite true, but you see...

Also, Mr. O'Toole, it is dangerous for a newspaper man

to represent themselves as members of the diplomatic service.

Am I correct?

Well, I'll admit it was a little clumsy, Baron.

There was no harm meant. All we wanted was a story.

Mr O'Toole, how long does your visa permit you to remain in Austria?

For some time! Why?

Well, I hope your stay here will be a pleasant one.

Phew!

Boy, the Baron's tough.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

He intrigues me.

I thought he would. You going to work on him?

Yep, I'm gonna work on him.

- Have you got an angle? - Yep, I have an angle.

Ah, the fitter. Thank goodness.

Here is the fitter, at last.

Thank you very much.

Good morning, madam.

Oh...

Oh... This is frightfully annoying!

Maurice said he was sending a freshman who understands English.

- Oh, Maurice said? Oh... - Je suis l'homme.

- Uh? - I am the man.

Oh, then you do speak a little English, huh?

Oh, but certainement.

You are an American girl?

- Yes. Well, shall we get started? - Excuse me?

- I said shall we get started? - Ah, oui! Yes.

There.

Ah! Mademoiselle buys most of her wardrobe in New York, n'est-ce pas?

New York? I can't bear New York! I'm a Philadelphia girl.

From an old Philadelphia family.

You need your clothes for your honeymoon, mademoiselle, eh?

Yes.

Merci.

Mademoiselle will be married very soon, hmm?

- Yes. - Really?

Ah... Merci...

Might I ask mademoiselle if she will be leaving directly after the ceremony.

Well...

- Yes. - Ah.

You, er... Might I ask where you'll be going?

But why?

Oh, well, you see, on account of I must know, because of the clothes.

You see, I do not know what the weather will be, whether it will be hot or cold.

Well, the Baron makes all those decisions.

And I must have clothes for every occasion.

Er, might we get on with it?

What? Oh! Pardon...

I cannot get it like this, mademoiselle.

What does it say?

I can tell you it's 24! It's been 24 for a long time.

Lucky girl!

So sorry... But I got it! I got it!

58, n'est-ce pas?

58?!

- What? - Centimetres.

It's for the riding habit, the flair.

Oh, no, no. No riding habit!

It's our honeymoon! We're not taking the horses!

Well, it would be a little crowded.

Would you mind hurrying? This is getting ridiculous!

Oh, yes. Mademoiselle is ticklish, n'est-ce pas?

Oh, no, do not worry, mademoiselle.

That's better, isn't it?

- Please! - No, no, relax, mademoiselle.

- See here, my man! - Where?

- Here. - Ah, yes, yes. It's been doing that lately.

Ever since the duchess.

You see? It has a kink in it. That duchess!

Un moment mademoiselle.

This is important.

But we're not finished.

Yes, but I'm afraid Austria is.

There is a new Austrian premier. Seyss-Inquart.

Oh Seyss-Inquart?

He is saying that Austria has decided to go with the Reich...

without even a vote from the people.

Oh, my fiancée is terribly fond of him.

Ah?

Your future husband is a Nazi?

A Nazi? Oh, dear me, no!

He hates Hitler!

- He hates Hitler, he likes this fellow? - Oh, yes.

You know, this fellow is giving away his country, without asking his people.

Can't we have some music?

Oui.

That's what I adore about Vienna.

Oh, Elsa...

Good morning, I'm the fitter.

Thank you. We don't need anything today.