Abbott Elementary

Everybody, I am excited to announce

that I am officially a grandmother.

Yes, yes, yes.

- Congrats. - To a beautiful healthy baby girl...

- named Zara. - Oh, yes.

It's really a great name.

And I captured her very first portrait.

- Yay. Let's see. - Oh.

Yes, look at her.

That-That-That must've been, like, right after the birth, huh?

- I love Barb... - Yeah.

But newborn babies are...

Ugly. They're all ugly.

That's a strong word. Accurate.

That's the roughest newborn I've ever seen.

She is a stunner.

- A diva in the making. - Mmm.

Oh, yeah, that baby is a stunner all right.

I'm stunned.

Damn.

Hey, but you know what, it's like cinnamon rolls.

You can't take a picture of them when they first come out of the oven, right?

You gotta let them cool down, then you put some icing on them.

I don't know where I was going with that. I never had a baby.

She's destined for stardom.

Just like her grandma.

Oh, Jacob, thank you.

To be fair, I didn't take a good photo until I was 12

when I had a small window between acne and braces.

Can't relate.

Came out of the womb camera ready, unlike Barbara's ugly grandchild.

Barb, do you have any other pictures of the baby?

Maybe something from later?

- Why, yes, I do. - Okay.

Taylor sent me this one this morning.

- Oh. - Ooh.

- That's it. - That's cute.

You gotta let 'em sit for a bit.

Mm-hmm.

- Adorable. - Beautiful.

Wonderful work, everybody, wonderful.

If there were grades to be given, I'd give you all A-pluses.

CC, sweetheart, I have noticed that you are a tad bit disengaged.

I just don't think music is for me.

Is it my superb teaching to blame,

or are you just not interested in an after-school program?

No, I want to be in a club.

Well, what about step club?

I don't think I do too well with rhythm.

I wouldn't disagree.

We don't have that many after-school programs.

Is there one you want to join?

Actually...

Uh, Gregory, one of my music students is rhythmically challenged

and would like to join your garden goofball troupe.

I can work with that. What's his name?

Well, the goofball is a girl.

Wh... Her name is CC.

But the goofballs are just boys, right?

I mean, I guess it did turn into a boys club, but she can absolutely join.

Gardening is for everyone.

Aw. My man is so inclusive.

Well, wonderful, because there's no other option.

She can't stand golf,

and she says that podcasts are for people who can't sit in silence.

Okay. Decent read on podcasts.

Hey, let me know if, uh, you need any help.

New dynamics in the group can be kind of tricky,

and I am sort of, you know, the club father here at Abbott.

- The... what was that? - The club... The club father.

I do wish there were more options for the girls, though.

You know what? I'm gonna talk to Ava today

about allocating some funds to start my fashion club,

or... I can just let my outfit do the talking for me.

It is... it is loud.

Right?

Well, I don't know what I'm gonna do, Barb.

I think I'm just gonna have to kill him.

Well, let's get a second opinion.

- Okay. - Oh.

Ms. Alomar, why don't you join us?

Yeah, don't worry, it's not about work. It's girl talk. Come on.

All right, sure.

- Go on, tell her what you told me. - Oh, yeah. Okay.

So I'm dating this guy, Captain Robinson, and he forgot my guinea pig's birthday.

And then has the nerve to tell me it's not that big a deal.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

I don't know what to do about it.

I suggested she give him the silent treatment.

Oh, so no talking whatsoever?

Precisely. He will know exactly what you feel when you don't tell him.

- Is that so? - My mother did it.

Her mother before her, she did it.

You know, you pass these things through generations for a reason.

Like a recipe for relationships.

I know I said I wasn't gonna get involved in personal matters,

but this is too good to pass up,

this type of older woman generational trauma is my crucible.

It's like I'm a mechanic,

and they're a car whose check-engine-light has been on for decades.

I can't not fix it.

Ah, Ava. I want to start a fashion club.

Unless you know how to fix the heat, get out of my office.

No, I'm serious.

Look, I love fashion, and I think it could be another creative outlet for our kids.

Please, you bought that outfit at Build-A-Bear.

I'm gonna have to take over your fashion club

just like I had to take over your step club.

You didn't have to take over, you just did.

You are not capable of running a fashion club.

I almost made you wear a uniform this year.

Okay, I'm gonna prove to you that I can.

I'm gonna make a presentation that shows what the club will be about

and why it's important that we have it, and you'll see.

You'll all see.

Do you want this open or closed?

- Closed, please. - Okay.

Okay, everyone, say hi to the newest goofball, CC.

That's a girl.

Yes. Yes, it is, Terrence. You have seen them before.

Hi, everyone.

But we're boys. This club's for boys.

No, no, it's not. Only boys have joined up until this point,

but you don't need to be a boy to harvest basil.

It's garden goof boys, not goof girls.

Again, no, it's not. It's garden goofballs.

Goofballs implies it's for boys.

Okay, when I named it goofballs, that's not what I meant,

but if that's what you think it's been this whole time,

- then wow. - So there's really just gonna be a girl

- in here now? - Yeah.

It's gonna be fine. Okay?

Hey, guys, what's up?

That's a girl.

I know you were just trying to say hi,

but if you can leave some space

between my car and your bike when I'm driving, that'd be great.

I wanted to make sure that you saw me, but, yeah, don't ride so close. Got it.

Now tell me, how did it go yesterday with your newest girleen goofball?

Not well. The boys iced her out.

Oh, my God. Did any of 'em speak to her? What did you do?

- How did... How did she react... - It's 7:15.

Can you please ask me one question at a time?

Yeah.

Things were just off. Nobody was talking.

It's... The goofballs doesn't work if nobody's goofing.

Look, I know you are too proud to ask,

but I think I could be of some assistance here.

Mm-hmm. The space I asked you for on the road, it also applies here.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Twenty more minutes, everyone.

I hope you got your own broom because mine is busy.

What's all this?

I'm trying to put together a fashion club, and I have to present some ideas to Ava.

I can be of service. I studied under Anna Wintour.

She was working on the second floor, and I was on the first.

I don't think that you...

Wait a second.

So I want the kids to do projects,

but I also want them to learn about fashion history,

and maybe I could use you.

I used to be a model.

I suppose I could try doing it with my clothes on.

Okay. So I've been learning that during World War One,

a lot of the men started wearing high-waisted trousers,

and Mr. Johnson, you are pretty high-waisted.

I'll save you the trouble. 36, 24.36.

All right. Well, I want to put some clothes on you

and then take some pictures for this poster board.

And if this takes off,

I can use you to show the students tailoring on a live model.

Anything for the kids.

Plus I need to update my portfolio. I got a go-see next week.

Okay, well, meet me here right after school.

- Okay. Clean this up. - Okay.

I'm not playing.

- Thank you. - Hey, ladies.

I had so much fun sitting with you the other day.

Do you mind if I join again?

- Please... Yeah. - Please have a seat, Ms. Alomar,

- so we can hear you. - Yeah.

- So tall, amazing, statuesque. - Mmm.

So how's it going with your guy?

Haven't spoken in 14 hours. He's in hell, so am I.

Everything's going according to plan.

You know, funnily enough, uh, I'm a little upset with my boyfriend this week too.

- Oh. - Oh. Too bad.

So I was wondering, with this silent treatment,

how long does it typically last?

- As long as it takes. - Yeah.

Right? Indefinitely, if you need to.

Isn't that weird, though, like, not knowing when you're gonna make up?

It's an if, dear, not a when.

But couldn't it be a when if you just, I don't know, talk to him?

- Well. Yeah. - Maybe.

It might be easier than, you know, stewing in feelings he's not aware of.

And ignoring him for, like, a month.

- Or longer. - Or longer.

Right, or longer.

Okay, so let me get this right. You talk to him,