Harley Quinn

What about me isn't enough for Lena?

Is it that I sometimes skip leg day?

Is it my veneers?

Is it that gray hair I found?

Is it because I say "to-may-toes,"

and she says "to-mah-toes"?

I mean, is that enough to call the whole thing off?

Ugh! My dude, I'm just here to get you

to sign the time card for Sophia's internship.

What am I even still doing in this city?

What am I even still doing in this city?

I don't need this place. I bet without me

that stupid paper's gone up in flames.

Some might call us a gossip rag.

But I say, "From rags to riches!"

I can't believe we swept the Muckraker awards.

Suck my ass, TMZ.

Quality journalism always floats to the top.

Goldie and Betty went to the American Girl store

in Fawcett City so Bane's getting toe the fuck up.

Delicious.

Stupid, dumb Daily Planet.

Whoa!

Whoa! What's happening?

Shit. Ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot.

Sweet Cronkite's ghost!

This has to be the work of...

...Lena?

Huh. Guessing you two broke up then.

No. No, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Ah, you...

You ruined it. You're such an idiot.

A stupid little idiot.

No, I... I can fix it. It was an accident.

You were an accident. Mom and Dad always say so.

I just wanted to play with Metropolis.

It's my Metropolis,

and you're not allowed near it ever again.

Hmm. Little higher, Nigel.

And... There we go.

Ooh, I have great lips.

Isn't it something, Brainy?

I mean, I did what you tried to do,

only, way better.

Far more fun lording over a bottled city

when the people aren't frozen.

Please, I beg of you. Kill me.

Oh, sweetie. I wish I could.

But what if I need you?

I am not really a tech gal. That is all you.

Now, where is he?

He was supposed to be transferred

to Stryker's Island, but the automatons

couldn't find him there.

Automatons!

Get me my brother.

Lena actually did it.

She bottled the damn city.

You never underestimate

a middle-aged woman with a clear goal.

Ugh. Oh, no. She's rage-smashing.

Hey, babe?

Uh, just checking in. How...

How are you feeling?

Must. Kill. Lena!

I... I know. I know I want that too.

But I think you need to check yourself

before you wreck another car.

She murdered Frank!

Basically murdered my dad, tried to murder me,

probably gonna murder everyone in Metropolis,

and she tried to drive a wedge between us

and murder our relationship.

Ah! She tried. She did not succeed, right?

Nothing can break us up, hon.

I mean, can you imagine the meltdown on the Internet

if we did? I mean...

But that's not happening because when we have a problem,

we work through it.

Just promise you will never hold a grudge against me

that you keep inside for decades

till it festers long enough that you bottle up

an entire city for revenge.

I mean, that is an incredibly specific situation.

But sure, yes. I will not do that.

We'll stop Lena, the only way we know how.

- Together. - And me too.

Wow. I really forgot she was here.

You know? Sure.

The classic trio of Harley, Ivy and Sharon.

- Hooray! - Oh, my God.

Okay. We need to find a way onto the Skull Ship,

but Lena destroyed the only teleporter.

Can't we just, like, fly up there?

Okay, first we gotta figure out where it is.

Hmm. A ship like that must have advanced cloaking technology.

We need someone inside to deactivate it.

How the hell did you know that?

You never wanna listen to me. But I know things.

I know youse two were in a relationship rut,

and that's why you moved to Metropolis.

- How did you...? - Holy shit!

And I know, right now, I wish that guy, 24, was real,

- because 24 can do anything. - Immediately unhelpful again.

You're talking about Kiefer Sutherland?

Yeah, yeah. That's who I said. 24!

A real freak, who always knows how to get out of a jam.

I know just the freak to call.

Where is Lex?

Where is Lex?

We need to save the city.

We need to get your signature

on this internship form.

Seriously. We're on a deadline here.

Ugh. Fine.

Where is Lex?

I have no idea. Let me go.

That's your signature?

It's like two scribbly marks.

Can't even see a W.

This is a signature.

You just drew a clown face.

Exactly.

It's fun, hard to replicate

and to the point.

Hey, Lois.

Uh. Oh.

Damn it. My purse is in there.

I didn't pee myself. This is soup.

Whoa!

Bruce, the automatons are destroying...

...everything

and everyone in their path to find Lex.

Of course.

This was about her brother this whole time.

Not about me.

She just hates all men because of Lex.

Whatever gets you through the night, Big Guy.

Bruce, how do we end this?

Our best bet is to head to Wayne Tower

for supplies.

Oh, good. Then I can hand in this form.

Hey, Lois.

What's your signature look like?

Now that's a John Hancock.

Thanks. I took an autograph class online.

- Mom. - I got it.

Would you just let me get him? Come on.

I said I got it.

Wow. So this is it. The Batcave.

Batman's secret lair. We're just in it.

Wow. We got a giant penny.

Okay.

Bloodied up Robin suit that smells...

horrific.

A dinosaur animatronic, did not see that coming.

Wait a second. Is that the only fridge in this space?

- Yep. - Oh, my God.

Fits like three sandwiches.

Look, Batman's obsessed with his weight.

He won't keep anything in here that might "tempt" him.

- Huh. - Who's Batman?

Oh, my God, Mom. You don't know who Batman is?

I can't keep up with all your lovers

and their fetishes.

It is not a fetish.

He dresses up as a bat in a skintight suit

and wrestles people. And you know what?

Wow, you're right. It is a fetish.

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit. No.

Get away! Stop. Stop it.

Harley, what are you doing calling me on my...

- Poison Ivy and I... - And me. Your mother.

...knew Batman had the tech to contact you, Bruce.

A separate person.

Uh, right. Of course.

He has a line to contact me because I... pay Batman.

Fucking corporate shill.

Harley, Lena's willing to destroy the city

in search of Lex.

We need to find him first.

No, we have him.

All this started with a sibling rivalry,

and the only way to end it is a sibling reconciliation.

Hmm. This is why I'm glad my parents paid

to make me an only child.

- Holy shit. - Hi, Sharon here.

Hate to ask, but what happens

once Lex is in the same room as Lena?

Good question? What's your plan, Harley?

Not sure. Lex will figure it out.

Yeah... Hold... hold up.

Your plan is for Lex to have a plan.

Anyone have a better plan?

Ah, then it's settled.

We're going with my plan for Lex to have a plan.

Once Lex wakes up here, he'll know what to do.

Lex is in the Batcave?

You put a Bat-bag over his head