Drawn Together

Announcer: this is the drawn together house,

Where 8 different cartoon characters

From all over the animated universe

Will live together in front of a million cameras.

Introducing princess clara,

A musical and bigoted fairy-tale princess.

Wooldoor sockbat,

A fucking annoying, wacky whatchamacallit.

Foxxy love...

A mystery-solving musician with a sweet ass.

Toot, a black-and-white heartthrob from the '20s.

Plus, she's fat.

Ling-ling,

A sociopathic, asian trading-card battle monster.

Xandir, a totally gay video-game adventurer.

Spanky ham, a crass internet download

Who farts on retards.

Captain hero,

Another person in the house.

This is...

The first-ever animated reality television show, ever.

Princess clara: the minute I met my new housemates,

I felt like they were members of my family,

Only much, much poorer.

Hi. I'm princess--whoo!

I call dibs on the chair.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, what a cute dog. Want a bone, fella?

¶ kill, kill, kill, kill, die, die, die ¶

¶ kill kill... ¶

Whoa.

I'm toot. I'm a sex symbol.

I am xandir. I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend!

Girlfriend! You have a girlfriend?

When were you gonna tell me about this girlfriend?!

But we just met, like, 2 seconds ago?

Oh, yeah?

Well, can your stupid girlfriend do this?

¶ la la ¶

Save yourselves!

So, now do you still...

have a...Girlfriend?

Huh?

Um...Yeah.

Why do I always let guys do this to me?!

Ah...

Sometimes I cut myself to relieve the pain.

Hee hee hee. Toot.

I love you so much. Oh, my god, I do!

Shut up. You do not...

Rack 'em, pig.

Hey, dungeons and douche bags, you're up.

Can you believe this kid?

He's been on the phone all day with his old lady.

Dude, I don't blame him.

The talent here is pretty weak, man. I mean,

Sure, i'd stick and stir any one of these broads,

But, you know,

I really wish we had one of those hot black chicks.

Bling bling! Foxxy's in the house.

Oh, i'm pretty good at this.

I wish we had a 12-year-old girl and a donkey.

Damn.

Hi. I'm xandir.

Well, hello.

I'm glad you're finally here.

Would you be a dear and fetch my bags, servant girl?

Excuse me? What did you just call me? "servant girl"?

Oh, many pardons or...My bad.

What do you people call yourselves these days--

Mammy, moolie, topsy, shwoogie?

Ha ha ha. Oh, my god.

She thinks you're our servant 'cause you're black!

Ha ha ha ha. Oh, man.

This is the best day of my miserable life.

Sweet!

I love racism.

Is you crazy?!

Uh-uh. Lemme loose now.

Why you frontin' my shit, bitch?

You must be twilight zonin'.

You don't even know who you be steppin' to.

Help, someone.

She's attacking me like i'm the english language.

Oh, it is on.

I call dibs on the catfight.

Why must I ruin everything beautiful?

Now, what was that bitch thinkin'?

Foxxy ain't a slave to nobody.

Nobody but the rhythm.

ohh. Hey. Ohh...

Ahem. You best stay out of my way, bitch,

Or you gonna be dead.

Aah! Unh!

I thought those people picked banjos, not fights.

I was so up set about what foxxy had done.

I sure hope this comically misleading nose job

Makes me feel better.

Hey! Not bad!

Xandir: after the fight, things got super uncomfortable.

You could, like, totally cut the tension

With, like, a plus-6 sword.

I mean, why is this happening?

We were such good friends to start.

Foxxy: it's like this, right?

Because of that dumb princess bitch,

Everybody thought foxxy love was a loose cannon.

Now, foxxy may be loose, but she ain't no cannon.

I needed to make things right, and quick.

Bling bling.

12-year-old girl and a donkey?! Damn.

Crap the bed, uncle fred.

Foxxy's got us a buttload of booze. Yeah.

Hells, yeah.

Whoo, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hey, pig, great news.

Foxxy just bought us an insane amount of alcohol.

Are you defecating into a cantaloupe?

This is awkward.

I guess if I just waited an hour,

I could've chalked this one up to the booze, huh?

Hey, listen, let's not live in the past, all right?

Come on, guys, let's party. Whoo-hoo!

¶ here we go ¶

¶ this is how we do it ¶

Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!

Smells like mommy's kisses.

Suck! Suck! Suck...

Hee hee. Toot.

She did not-- she did not just do that.

Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!

This is the life.

Spanky! Spanky, you farted!

Spanky: gambled and won. Ha!

Clara: I was trying to enjoy myself,

But I sorta got the feeling I wasn't wanted.

But I wasn't sure, because foxxy's hand got all blurry.

I mean, she may have been waving

Or going like this...

Or like this...

Or like this.

Oh.

Oh, xandir, I sure hope you don't push me in,

'cause i'm really, really close to the edge.

So close, in fact, you could easily push me in.

Ok, maybe it was just me. That's definitely a possibility,

But I don't know. All night,

It kind of seemed like toot

Was on a really annoying crush for attention.

Hey, xandir, got any beads?

I'm standing under the mistletoe!

I swear to fucking god, i'll chop my fucking head off!

Would you just put in me, already?

Even if you just need a place to pee!

I, uh, am on a never-ending quest...

I knew what xandir was trying to tell me--

That I was fat

And guys aren't into real women anymore.

I was so mad. I guess that's why I did what I did.

What? This is who? Xandir's girlfriend?

Are you sure?

Because xandir's never mentioned anything about a girlfriend.

I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend.

Girlfriend. Girlfriend.

girlfriend.

And we talk all the time

About everything.

Oh, hey, ok.

Ooh, right on the bum.

¶ tra la la la la la ¶

I saw princess clara with tears in her eyes,

And, man, nothin' reminds me of my first time

Like a chick cryin'.

Aw, poor hot girl. What's wrong?

Unless I was completely mistaken,

Spanky ham seemed like the kind of person

I could open up to,

So we found a private room in the house

Where we could have a serious talk.

oh, why does foxxy hate me so?

It's not like i'm the one who made her black.

No, no, no. That's nobody's fault but her own.

You know what you should do?

Apologize?

If that'll get you out of that robe

So I can check out that precious vertical smile of yours.

I don't see why I should apologize.

I mean, where I come from, all my servants are black...

Or worse.

Yeah, but, honey, where you're from,

Inanimate objects spring to life

And spew silly catch phrases.

What you talkin' about, pig?

No. He's right, blue ball. Maybe I should just apologize.

Usually, clara looks to us for advice,

But this time, it came from spanky.