The Sandman

Boss? Boss, wake up.

Hey, boss, come on, get up.

I mean it, seriously.

We gotta get you out of here. Gotta get your ruby back.

But we can't do that unless you wake the fuck up!

Wake up!

Anywhere you like, hon.

I'll be right with you.

Don't go away.

We're about to serve you a thousand-gallon cup of coffee,

right after Traffic with Terri.

Right. Uh, looking at traffic, 95 is backed up for a few miles

after an accident involving two semi trucks.

It seems one of the trucks was carrying hazardous materials.

Luckily, nothing was spilled…

- Thanks, Lindy. Have a good night. - You too.

Best seat in the house.

How are you doing today?

How am I doing? Well…

I'm feeling better than I have for quite some time. Thank you.

Mmm. I could use some of that. What's your secret?

Shall I tell you the truth?

Well, honesty is the best policy.

That's what they say, isn't it?

Well, I hope it's true.

This…

Is my secret.

It's gorgeous.

It makes dreams come true.

I bet it does.

And what are you dreaming about? New house? New job?

A new world. A more honest one.

That is the dream, isn't it?

Well, can I get you a cup of coffee while we wait for our dream to come true?

Please. But we won't be waiting for long.

Then I better hurry up and get you that coffee.

Next, we have one of our favorite friends at the show,

Dr. Brenda, in studio to talk about a new diet that's sweeping the nation.

Coffee, Lindy?

Oh, I better not, hon.

I'm at the end of a double, and Marsh will be here soon.

Uh, would you mind watching the front door while I'm in the ladies room?

Now, that much I can handle.

I'll be right back to take your order.

No rush. I have everything I need for now.

…are advising that drivers detour on 195 if they can.

We'll keep you updated as weather situations…

You by yourself, Lindy?

No one on the floor.

No, Bette's here.

It looks like that particular weather pattern…

- Hi, Marsh. - Bette.

Have fun, you two.

Mama's got a date with her blackout curtains.

See you, Lindy.

How are you, Marsh? You good?

Yeah.

Predicting severe thunderstorms

from a storm front moving in from the south.

Now, those should clear up by your drive home and…

Judy, you wanna sit or get something to go?

Hmm?

Coffee? I just made a fresh pot.

God, yes.

I'm gonna pee.

If, uh… If Donna comes, will you tell her I'm here?

Sure.

Will you tell her to wait?

- Absolutely. - Thanks, Bette.

Hey, give me a minute.

Hey.

Hey, I got your text. What's going on?

Is Donna there with you?

No, why? You guys okay?

Yeah, we just…

We had this stupid fight last night and she left around midnight and…

And never came home. So, of course, I'm…

Freaking the fuck out.

I'm so sorry, Jude.

- You haven't heard from her? - No.

- Rose? - I haven't, I swear.

Did you try her mom's?

She wouldn't go to her mom's.

Would she?

Do you want me to call over there and find out?

No.

I should at least pretend to be a grown-up and call her myself.

Okay, then.

I guess Judy and Donna had another fight last night.

Donna left and never came home. Now Judy's calling all over town, frantic.

I don't know why Judy's wasting her time on Donna Cavanagh.

Judy's so pretty, she could have any man in town.

I think some people are just afraid to be happy, you know?

We're running low on mushrooms.

I'll make a note.

One for lunch, handsome?

Uh, is it okay if I… I'm kinda early for an interview in the neighborhood.

- Is it okay if I just have coffee? - Of course, I just made a fresh pot.

I'll set you up right here.

You interviewing at Vanguard?

How do you know?

Not a lot of places around here make you wear a suit to an interview.

I don't wear them very often.

Well, you should. It looks good on you.

They're gonna love you.

You're very nice. Thank you.

I'm not being nice. I just…

I get a sense about people.

You're gonna get this job.

Judy, coffee's ready.

I'll just, uh, refill these creamers.

No offense, but I'm waiting for someone.

Well, I can move if you two would rather sit here.

We're good, thanks.

I'm Mark, by the way.

And I'm gay, so…

Did you look at the menu?

I confess, I've been rather distracted. Perhaps you could recommend something.

There they are!

I am… I'm so sorry. Just one sec.

Of course.

Happy anniversary, you two! How are you on your special day?

- How do you remember? - Every single year.

How could I forget? You two are my proudest achievement.

That's just sad.

She set them up.

I set them up.

- Oh, yeah? - Oh, wow.

They were regulars…

Two of my best customers.

She thinks she has this sense about people...

I get this sense about people. So one day I sat them down side by side…

Where you're sitting now.

…and here we all are, five years later.

The five best years of my life.

Stop it.

- Congratulations. - Happy anniversary.

Thank you so much.

You think it's sweet?

What if she does have a sense about people?

She just tried to set us up.

- How's work going? - Good. Busy.

Garry's supervising a new venture that looks promising.

Right, sweetie?

How are you, Bette? How's Bernard doing?

- How's the writing going? - Yeah, how's the novel?

Uh, good, you know. I thought I'd have more time to write

with Bernard off at college, but it's been great having him home, so…

What'll I get you two?

Oh.

We will have…

The usual, sweetie?

Spinach salads.

Order up.

Oof. Look at that burger.

Oh, you've been so disciplined. We don't want to ruin your macros.

Mmm, but it's our anniversary.

You're right. We're celebrating.

You should get whatever you want.

Don't say that or I'll get the double-Decker.

What's the double-Decker?

Oh, it's got two of everything. Two patties,

two layers of bacon, cheese, two fried eggs.

Oh, God.

See?

Get it.

I mean, if that's what you want.

I'll have the salad.

I admire your discipline.

Both of you. Spinach salads on the way.

- Thanks. - They're trying to help people.

They're trying to enslave people. That's what Big Pharma does.

- You'll find out once you get the job. - What makes you think I'll get it?

Vanguard fucking loves people like you.

They're from Vanguard?

That's the CEO.

You're kidding. What's his name?

Dude, she's the CEO.

- He's the trophy husband. - Want me to introduce you?

Don't do it.

Thank you, but my level, it's probably best

to stay off the CEO's radar for as long as possible.

- Thank you though. - Well, how about lunch then?

The CEO's having a spinach salad.

I could have Marsh put grilled chicken on that for you.

Yeah, I've got some time. That sounds good.

Spinach salad, grilled chicken.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm so sorry, sir. It's their anniversary.

Yes, I heard. You introduced them.

I did.

And you're not really a waitress, are you, Bette?

You're a writer.

Well, I'm a waitress who writes.

Fiction? Non-fiction?

Well, my characters are all based on real people,

but it's fiction, I guess, because all my stories have happy endings.

Well, that's because you know when to stop.

How do you mean?

The trouble with stories is,