King of the Hill

Hello?

Greetings.

My name is Prince Jabari.

I live in Nigeria,

and I need to use your bank account

for a short while.

Hank? Is that you?

No. It's Prince Jabari.

Hank, if you need money, I can send you a check.

I just got adorable ones-- Covered bridges.

Okay, Mom, it is me.

I'm just trying to make sure you're on your toes.

There are people out there

who would take advantage of someone like you.

You're sweet to worry, honey.

Oh, I have news.

I'm getting married.

Really? Well, that's great.

I've always liked Gary.

Any man who eats that much brisket can't be all bad.

Oh, not to Gary.

Gary and I broke up weeks ago.

What? Why?

He got paranoid, Hank.

He was always snooping around.

That's how he found out about me and Chuck.

What...? Who's Chuck?

We met a couple of months ago.

The wedding is next weekend.

Hope you can make it, honey.

Bye.

Who's Chuck?!

I don't understand what the heck is going on here.

How could my mother be getting married?

They just met.

Probably got her in trouble.

When you know, you know, Hank.

But sometimes you're wrong.

Well, I tell you what.

I'm gonna give this Chuck the once-over

as soon as I get to Arizona.

I wish I had someone to look after me when I get old.

Maybe I'll just get a cat.

Although I hear they eat you after you die.

Lucky for you,

the Japanese are developing robots--

Sexy robots to care for the elderly.

Thank God for that tiny, perverted,

technologically advanced nation.

Well, we made it.

A road trip west that stops before you hit California.

Pretty good in my book.

111 degrees?

Phoenix can't really be that hot, can it?

Oh, my God, it's like standing on the sun!

This city should not exist.

It is a monument to man's arrogance.

Well, that must be Chuck's car.

You can learn a lot about a guy

from what he has lying on his seat.

No time, Hank.

We are moments away

from sunstroke and certain death.

Go, go, go!

I picked up another safety bar for your bathroom, Mom.

Last time I was here,

I noticed a dead spot between the shower and the toilet.

I hardly think that's necessary.

Well, you're gonna be living in this condo a long time.

I want to make sure it's as safe as possible.

Sounds like

pretty good advice, Tilly.

I'd listen to your son.

Chuck Garrison.

I'm the lucky guy who tricked your mom into marrying me.

Yeah.

Aw, look at you two lovebirds.

Ready to start what's left of your lives together.

You must be Peggy.

And that would make you Bobby.

Yes, sir.

Well, he's smooth, all right.

Come check out my new air ionizer.

It was endorsed by Norman Schwarzkopf.

So, Chuck, what, if anything,

do you do for a living, Chuck?

Well, I'm retired now,

but I used to own a chain of hardware stores.

Used to, huh?

Sounds like there's a story there.

No story.

My son runs the business now.

For a kid with only one thumb, he's doing okay for himself.

Grandma, is this you parasailing?

Yes.

Chuck and I went to Mexico

to celebrate his 70th birthday.

Parasailing?

Is that the kind

of daredevil stuff you're into, Chuck?

Actually, it was Tilly's idea.

The kettle's ready.

I thought some tea would take the chill off.

None for me.

I was thinking Chuck and I could take a little drive.

You know what I miss most about the hardware game?

The nails.

Galvanized, hand-cut, roofing.

We had a nail for every mood.

Well, Chuck, I could spend all day talking about nails--

I have-- but I got to ask you something.

Why did you start dating my mom when she was still with Gary?

I feel terrible about that.

I really do.

But Tilly didn't tell me about Gary

until after they broke up.

Feels like it's cooling down a bit.

Sure does.

Have you ever been indicted, Chuck?

Look, Hank, I know you just met me,

but you have nothing to worry about.

I love your mom, and I promise you,

her happiness is the most important thing

in the world to me.

Well, that's good to hear.

You know what my favorite nail is, Chuck?

The three-penny, fluted stainless steel.

I don't know why.

I don't know.

If this were a Hugh Grant movie,

this is the moment when he would run in.

If this were a Julia Roberts movie,

this is the moment when she would run out.

Welcome.

We are here today to witness and bless

Matilda and Charles' union of marriage.

Do you give this woman to be married to this man?

I, uh...

Uh, well...

Uh...

yes, I do.

Congratulations, you two.

Bye. Bye.

Ooh, they're expecting thunderstorms in Phoenix.

Hank, call your mom

and remind her not to use the phone.

Well, luckily, Chuck is around to take care of my mom now.

I can stop worrying so much and just relax.

What the heck?!

Mom, Dad, there's a spaceship outside!

Is that Mom?

We sold our condos, Hank.

We're going to spend our golden years

zigzagging across the country!

Yup.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no!

What's going on?

You can't live in a trailer park

so you bring trailer park to you?

I dislike this RV as much as you do, Kahn,

but it is my mom's.

Ah, the portrait completes itself.

Granny rocking away in the driveway

tapping her toes to the fiddle and setting a spell.

Why you hate me? Why?

Dang it, I never should've trusted that Chuck.

I take my eye off the ball one time,

and now my mom's living in a house

that could get T-boned on the freeway.

I've often fantasized about the RV lifestyle.

You live in a town

until people grow tired of your anecdotes.

Then you pull out the chocks and drive off.

At least the condo was safe and stationary.

Who knows what kind of terrible things can happen

to her on the open road?

You're right to be scared, Hank.

RVs are a one-way ticket to meth addiction

and KOA sites where the law has no meaning.

Tilly is about to enter a world

that she cannot change, but will change her.

Welcome to our home.

Would you like the grand tour?

Not so grand.

This place makes my old one-bedroom condo look

like the Hearst Castle.

: Not here. Not now.

Well, I think it's surprisingly spacious.

In fact, now that it's fully expanded,

our driveway is completely unusable.

This thing's got everything.

Look-- a camera so you can see what's behind you.

Oh! (bell dings)

Dinner's ready, everyone!

Chuck, would you please say grace?

Sure thing.

Thank you, God, for your bounty,

which we are about to enjoy.