South Park

*SOUTH PARK* Season 23 Episode 08 Episode Title : "Turd Burglars"

It's one for the ladies!

When I look out across this room,

I see the backbone of our community.

The women of this town need to stand together!

We are here, and we're proud.

And it is time to let everyone know

that the women of South Park should be treated

the same as the men!

Oh! Aaaaah.

Oh, God!

Ohhh, sorry.

Oh‐kay.

I'm alright.

Oh!

Hello, boys.

Your mommy has a bacterial infection

called C. diff.

It's very contagious.

A bacterial infection? In her stomach?

All of us have trillions of microscopic critters

that grow on and inside our bodies,

just like your mom.

There's tiny creatures which live in your mom's skin,

on her eyelashes, in her vagina.

But the good bacteria in your mommy's tummy

are being overrun by bad bacteria.

We can't use antibiotics because that will

kill all the good bacteria, too.

So, what can you do for her?

We need to take a healthy person's microbiome

and start to grow it inside your mother.

We do this with a fecal transplant.

We'll get a donor's feces, mix it with water,

and put it up your mom's anus.

Ewwww!

Your mom is tough, kids.

We're gonna do the very best we can.

Try not to worry.

Ike, if mom lives...

we can't let anyone ever know about this.

Sheila?

Oh! Hi, Laura!

My goodness, look at you! I thought you were sick!

I was, but I had an amazing procedure!

No, no, no, Mommy. No, no, no, no!

I had a fecal transplant.

- Oh! God damn it! - You had a what?

A fecal transplant.

It's when they take the feces of a healthy donor

and place it in your anus.

I feel like a million dollars!

Sheila, is that you? I thought you were sick!

I was, but I had a fecal transplant.

Aaaaah!

I'm telling you girls,

it solved every problem I've ever had!

I've lost weight! I have more energy!

I even think my arthritis is clearing up!

Well, that certainly is...

interesting.

Looking great, Sheila!

Thanks, Janice! Fecal transplant!

If you're watching this video,

then your mom probably had a fecal transplant.

And the one question on your mind is most likely,

"How do I keep my friends from ripping on me?"

Yes!

People make fun of what they don't understand.

So, let's learn why your mom had a fecal transplant.

It was to replace her microbiome.

Germs, bugs, thousand of organisms

are all around you all the time.

That remote control your holding...

It's teaming with life...

- bacteria and other organisms. - Eugh!

They also live on your clothes...

- Eesh! - Small organisms are everywhere.

Now, scratch your balls.

Go on.

If you don't have balls,

scratch whatever else might be down there.

Now smell your fingers.

That smell is millions of living organisms

that you've just scraped from your crotch

and are now going up inside your nostrils...

your microbiome.

Ewwwww!

Creatures live in your teeth.

They live on your eyelashes, on your skin.

And trillions and trillions live inside your body.

In fact, of all the cells in your body

only half are human cells.

The other half are all microscopic organisms!

Aaaaaaah!

How is your salmon, Sheila?

Oh, it's amazing.

You know, I could never eat like this before.

My allergy to shellfish has literally gone away.

Oh, my gosh. That's so wonderful!

Oh, that reminds me.

So, Sheila,

um, the girls and I were talking...

Well, you seem so great,

and we thought how nice it would be for us...

to have a little bit of your poop.

What?

Well, thing is, we asked our doctors

about getting fecal transplants, too,

and they said they only do them for "medical reasons."

So, we have to do them on our own.

Oh, well...

You know, girls, if the doctor doesn't think it's safe,

you probably shouldn't be doing DIY transplants.

No, that's very true, isn't it?

We were just thinking that...

your microbiome is so healthy now,

it would be nice to share a little.

Yeah. Uh... Uh, I mean...

It's not that I don't want

to share everything with my friends.

It's just, you know... uh...

I'm sorry it just doesn't seem right.

And that is totally fine!

If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't right!

Oh, this is Kyle. Sorry, girls, let me take this.

‐Oh, okay! ‐Okay.

That **** I told you she'd say no.

How much of a bitch can you be? Won't share your feces?

Talk about anal retentive.

**** her.

**** her.

Half the cells in my body...

half...

They're inside me right now,

alive...

all over me...

The bookcase...

The bookcase!

Do you guys have any idea what I'm saying?

Half the cells in our bodies aren't human.

Right now, there are alive creatures

in your eyelashes and in your teeth!

So...?

"So"?!

Right now, that straw has a bunch of little bugs

and they're... they're going into your mouth

and mixing with trillions of other little bugs

that are alive inside you.

You aren't even totally you!

Dude, Kyle why are you talking about all this?

Okay, guys. Listen.

My mom had a fecal transplant.

Ha!

Fecal transplant! Ha Ha!

Hi, Kyle. I'm Harriet. Henrietta and Bradley's mommy?

I've been looking all over town for you!

Why?

Well, I went to the video game store,

and I bought this... "Jedi Fallen Order."

It's getting great reviews... thought you might want it.

Whaaat? Yeah! He wants it!

Great! Could you just do one little thing for me, Kyle?

Mrph rmhmhm rm!

When you go back home, could you find a way to get

a little of your mom's poop and put it in this jar?

What?! Ew!

- No! - Yes!

I don't need much.

I'm sure you can find a way to sneak it from her.

You do that, and the game is all yours!

That is disgusting! Absolutely not.

Kyle.

Oh, well. Think about it.

The offer stands.

I heard you can customize your own light saber.

What is your problem?

What is my problem?!

I'm not gonna go steal my mom's shit.

Dude, you realize

we won't get that game till Christmas.

We could be playing it tomorrow.

Mrph rmh mhm!

I said no, and that's final!

She's in!

Kyle's mom just squatted on the toilet!

Okay. We've got contact.

You ready with the bucket, Kenny?

Mrph mhm!

Place it directly under this pipe.

Alright. That should just about do it.

Now we just wait...

for the flush.

Mrph rmh mhm!

That's good she's not flushing yet.

That means she's got more serious business,

and serious business is just what we're after.

You think she'll poop a big enough log?

You see how fat Kyle's mom is?

That bitch must poop at least 2 pounders.