Zero to Sixty

Hello.

Yeah, what do you want?

Yeah, is Gloria's Trans Am still on the repo hot list?

Hotter than stealer's pantsuit, go get it.

[ZERO TO SIXTY CONTINUES PLAYING]

Gloria's Trans Am! Oops!

Why are you chasing me?

Oh, thank you, Dan. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Dan, congratulations. Thanks.

See you off at 10:00, huh?

Great.

I'll kill her! I'll kill both of them.

Michael, Michael, why are you so angry?

You're free! Free. Free?

Are you out of your mind? I'm in alimony bondage for the rest of my life.

How can you do this to me, Arthur?

It wasn't easy.

Lunch? I don't understand.

I did all the right things, I went to all the right schools.

I worked for 18 years at a rotten job with a company I hated.

I wore all the right clothes, saved my money, now I'm flat busted.

Congratulations!Thank you.

Michael, don't be so upset.

Jog! Jog?

Yeah, it eliminates aggression.

I don't want to eliminate aggressions. I'm furious. I'm angry.

I'm also broke.

Give me a dog with everything on it.

What do you want it? In your ear.

How could you have let this happen to me?

Me? You married her, not me.

Here, keep the change. The question is, why?

Well, she said she was pregnant. I wanted a kid in the worst way.

So did she and there he is.

That's the boy that cleans out my pool.

I think he's been dipping in it, too.

This son of a bitch is driving my car.

Not anymore.

Not your car. This is your car.

No, no, no, no, no. That's her old white Cadillac.

No, she still owes five payments on that.

Dan says your clothes are in the trunk.

Every month I gave her money to pay for the car, right?

Every month she put the money in her own bank account.

Right.

Now I owe $1,000 on her car, on that car?

Your car. And my house?

Her house. Remember you gave it to her?

No, no, I didn't.

Oh, I just signed it into her name for tax purposes.

I mean, for God's sake, that's not giving it to her.

No, she gave it to you.

And my furniture. My antique pool table.

My bill.

A hundred dollars an hour. From breakfast through dinner.

Portal to portal, Michael.

You know, plumbers, electricians, lawyers they're all getting it today.

In the neck, that's where they're getting it.

Now how in the hell am I going to pay for this, Arthur?

Oh, with my salary garnished by her, at a job that I hate, that I want to quit.

Then a car that I owe $1,000 on, with no place to sleep.

Need is the mother of invention.

Arthur, you're absolutely right.

Can I bunk in with you for a couple of days?

Well, now I have one fast and hard rule. I never sleep with a client.

No offense.

Arthur, I'm taking your car.

Why are they always so ungrateful?

Where you going with my car you rotten little kid?

Up yours.

What are you doing...

Oh, hello Captain. Arthur Dunking here. Hey, I'd like to report a stolen car.

Who stole it? A former client. Nail the ungrateful wretch.

What the hell?

Where are you taking my car?

This is Ruth from Mutual Insurance. We're trying to locate Mr. R. D. Bradley.

The beneficiary of a deceased relative,

and there's quite a lot of money in the estate.

There's a chaser on my tail, wake up and pick up my car in front of the courthouse.

But I'm sure he does live there, dear. It says so here on the will.

There's the kid who stole my car.

Hey, why are you busting in here?

I got that mother!

Hey, Woolworth.

Mrs. Herbert Feinberg. This is Bernice from the Yamata Motorcycles.

Hey, who are you? He's not talking.

Get the wallet. Get the wallet.

Your husband purchased a motorcycle from us a couple of months ago.

Oh, here you go, Michael Nolan, 100 Witch View Drive, Beverly Hills.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

He's a phony. Put him in the lineup. Up, up, up.

Scratch the motorcycle, And scratch Feinberg.

Larry?Yeah, that's him.

You see? I know you, you, you I never saw before.

Take him to the posters.Here we go.

We've got a rapist here, a bank thief, a murderer by the name of Nolan.

Nolan. Six foot six. Yeah, that fits.

Black hair and bushy. Perfect.

Full beard and mustache. So he shaved it off.

And a bullet scar in the right side of his ass. Strip him down.

No, no, no.

Nothing. Just like a baby. No scars at all.

Canceled! Larry!

What the hell is going on? Harry, get up off his face so he can talk.

Get him up, get him up.

You dirty bastards, I'm going to kill you.

Hey, hey, relax. Hey, relax.

That kid stole my car.

Dead beat. He owes a grand on this Caddy.

You own a white Eldorado, license number 407 NCZ?

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Where's the ownership certificate?

Well, at the bank, the bank.

You don't own diddly.

Well, I owe the bank, I'm behind five payments, but they never complained.

They don't complain, they repossess.

Repo, repossess?

You got a polite letter from the bank, saying this is a friendly reminder?

No, no. I never got that.

And then you got one on blue paper saying you had 10 days to pay?

No, I never got one of those.

You got a third one on red paper?

That was from the bank? I thought it was a Christmas card.

Kiss your car goodbye, it's in the impound lot.

Well, well, that, that fast?

In and out, sweetie, this is a volume business. Boys.

Come on, scram. Take it to the arches, buddy.

And if we don't see you again, so what.

Here's a bus schedule.

Hi, officers, come on in.

Oh!

Hey. Hi.

When'd you start dealing in hot cars?

Oh, what are you talking about, Joe?

Well, there's a 77 Cadillac Seville with the front smashed in outside your garage.

It was reported stolen. By who?

By the owner. An attorney.

The son of a bitch.

Hey, why would you be calling him a son of a bitch?

Just a figure of speech.

And who are you?

I never seen you around here before.

Ah, I'm new.

What's your first name?

No, no, no, you see, I came here...

Oh, Joe, he's one of my boys. I just put him on. Right, guys?

Yeah, yeah.

Come on, Joe, don't hassle me.

Well, all right. Oh, by the way, Flo.

Somebody's been ripping of stereo cassettes and spare tires from the repos.

I'll handle it, Joe. Why don't you do something worthwhile, like hassling hookers.

Yeah, if you get any numbers. Have them call me here. Sammy Darvino.

We'll keep our eyes open, officer. We'll let you know if anything happens, looks fishy.

I knew you looked wanted. Wanted?

So you're a car thief.

Car thief? Car thief? No.

Well, you drove a car without permission.

Well, yeah. ALL: Then you're a car thief!

You're just like us.

We're legal, don't you forget that, eh?

Enough of this crap. Flo, what's new on Pete?

Still in the hospital. Light me, baby.

Oh.

You want a job?

No, no, no, Flo. I'm not going to ride with this crumb. No way.

Shut up, Larry. Got all your teeth?

All but one.You don't take care of your teeth,

then you don't take care of anything else.

Now my husband had big beautiful teeth. And the rest of him was too.

She took over the business when her old man kicked the bucket.

Yeah, yeah, she wore him out.

Well, I'm as strong as a horse. Look at these knockers. Firm as teeny bopper's.

How old do you think I am?

Oh, about... Twenty-nine.

Got it. Tip on Gloria.

Oh, come on, well, give it to me.

Okay, the kitty on Gloria is up to four hundred.

It'll cost you twenty. There we go.

Okay, swifty, you're hired. Show him the ropes.

Double crap.

Oh, here. Fill this out for the cops.

And Larry, please don't lose Gloria this time, huh?

I mean if you were smart as Gloria, I'd be a millionaire by now.

Oh, listen, listen, in this business you got to expect to be shot every seven years.

Thanks. I'll work for six.

Who's Gloria Martine?

A flake we've been trying to catch for a year.

Damn! What is all this junk?

Stereo, CB, a police band radio...

There's no room for my knees.

Well, shrink. Shrink?

No, I never needed one until now. What are all these holes in the dash for here?

It used to be a cop car. A cop car.