Pebble

A career Grand Slam is the most elite club in professional golf.

To become a member, you need to win all four major tournaments.

With this putt, Lonnie Hawkins is three feet from joining that elite club

and making his mark on golf history.

Come on, boy.

Come on, boy, you can do it.

For the win at this year's US Open invitation.

You've got to be kidding me!

Fuck me.

I do not believe what he has just done.

Lonnie Hawkins is in a state of shock.

-You blew it, Lonnie. -What…

You choked.

-What happened? -You missed, my man.

You had the easiest putt in the world.

And you fucked it up.

No… No. No, no, no, no.

I need a do-over. Let's do it again.

There are no do-overs in golf, Lonnie.

That was a mistake. That was a three-foot putt. I can make that.

Okay, we're gonna do a do-over. We're gonna do it one more time, okay?

I'll grab my ball here and mark it off.

We'll just do it again, 'cause I can make that putt.

Stacy, is it true?

No do-overs?

No, Lonnie.

No do-overs.

Son?

Lancelot?

Old Henry, tell everyone they're wrong. Come on.

I'm sorry, Lonnie.

It's over.

Mr. Hole, please tell them you're my friend.

My ball belongs inside of you.

Please!

My ball belongs inside of you!

Tell them, please!

Please, dear God!

One do-over, that's all I ask for!

Hey, Lonnie.

Please!

Hey, wake up!

Lonnie, wake up, bud.

Yeah, I'm up.

-You okay? -Yeah, I'm good.

-Where are we? -We're in Pebble Beach, baby.

While you were, uh, sweating through these frog pajamas,

I put the pedal to the metal to the Pebble.

We're at the US Open?

-Mm-hmm. -But how is that possible? It's…

-It's 4:00 in the morning. -Oh, I gunned it.

A cop did pull us over in Bakersfield,

but it turned out to be a woman cop, so we worked it out to our mutual benefit.

Wink.

-You don't have to say wink. -Okay.

I get it. You had sex with a cop?

Oh, I had a lot more than sex with a cop.

-We're getting married. -Are you?

-I'm fucking with you. I stole her ring. -Ah… Okay.

I went full pork chop on her command strips.

What an adventurous evening.

Talk about dripping wet. You're soaking through that shirt, son.

-What was this nightmare about? -I don't know.

I never remember my dreams.

But whatever it was, it was a total boner-killer.

-They call him the Hawk -Hawk!

He's a golfer

The greatest golfer in the world

There's electricity.

Yeah, there is. Remember in Operation? You hit that… and it bings?

My heart is beating. So, who's doing that?

It's a little shrimp in there, just…

Just squeezing the heart. No, don't you ever wonder?

-It's automated. -Hey!

What?

-Hey. -Hey.

Ooh…

I think we should maybe take those mushrooms.

Oh…

We already took them.

You're probably just tripping balls right now. You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm good, man.

I'm messing with you guys.

When I said should we take the 'shrooms, I knew we did.

I feel… totally normal.

Haha…

Haa…

Whoa…

When's the last time you fed your couch?

Uh-oh.

Oh no.

Oh no…

It's got me.

Hi, Lance.

Who are you?

I'm you.

Whoa.

Yeah, you are.

-Hey, can I tell you something? -Sure.

Life… does not go well for you.

There's a lot of problems.

I mean, for one, your dad is a shit.

My dad is my hero.

Yeah, we thought that.

But then he kind of became an asshole.

He was never around.

You don't want to admit it, but it hurts.

It hurts bad.

Next thing you know, you're 14, slugging vodka Red Bulls

just to get through history class.

Then that doesn't work.

So then you start having sex in all these obscure locations like

buses and airplanes and…

I get to go on a plane?

Hey!

Do not interrupt me, okay?

-I remember that part of the trip. -I remember my first time too!

But yes. In an airplane.

In the lifeguard tower, I was…

It's still not doing it for you. Then you start getting into kinky stuff.

Like, naked women over 60, sitting on cakes.

Oh, and the gambling.

Wait till you find out about prop bets. You are gonna lose…

…all of your money.

-Can I be honest with you, Lance? -Okay.

You really do hate yourself.

I like golf.

Well, you're good at that. But it doesn't matter.

Because your dad will never love you.

He's doing the best he can.

Hey, old Lance.

It gets better.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

Stop.

Lance?

There you are. Look at me.

Where's my money, motherfucker?

Can I just say, your people here at the USGA

really know how to put on a championship.

Thank you, Anton.

Oh, look at that.

Lonnie made it. We weren't sure he was gonna be able to come.

Oh, goodie. You gave him an exemption. What fun!

It's only fitting. What an incredible comeback story.

Oh, who can argue with that?

No one, Anton.

Oh, my wife Olivia is a big fan of Lonnie Hawkins.

Stop.

He has crabs, you know.

What's that?

Crabs. Pubic lice. He's teeming with the little beasties.

Munching away on his balls as we speak.

Okay, Anton.

What? I would disinfect the locker rooms if I were you.

I mean, maybe put out some warning signs.

Unless, of course, that's the kind of filth you like here at the USGA.

Listen, Anton. Word has it from my friends over at the Tour

that this singular obsession you have with Lonnie Hawkins

may be less about the game of golf and more about something personal.

Personal?

Why are you looking at her?

Stop looking at her!

I have friends on the Tour, Anton.

They voted you in, and they can just as easily vote you out.

Vote me out?

Honeybunch, how am I supposed to enjoy myself,

knowing that here, at Pebble Beach, on the 18th hole,

you engaged in drunken, adulterous copulation with that man-whore?

Anton…

How many times do I have to tell you?

I was not drunk.

God…

Oh my God. He lives.

What's up with this couch?

Is there like a giant vortex or an ancient curse on it or something?

Oh, I bought it off Facebook Marketplace, so, yeah, definitely cursed.

Hey, have you seen my phone?

You were in the kitchen last night just talking to yourself,

kind of laughing maniacally, and then you said,

"I have to put my phone in the dishwasher."

See? Eureka, bitch.

Honestly, I think you had a breakthrough. It was really good.

I think it was a lot of 'shrooms, is what it was.

Okay, come on. We gotta get you to this tournament.

Wait, "we"? You're going?

Lance, how many times do I have to tell you, bro?

We gotta take these ashes to Pebble.

That's Old Henry?

Yeah. I mean, he talks way less shit now.

I know he talked a lot of shit, but deep down…

did you love him?

What am I gonna do, just be mad at the guy forever?

Yeah, I get that.

You know, I think it might actually be easier to beat my dad

if I don't hate him.

Yeah, yeah. I like that.

I mean, you could love somebody and still beat their ass.

At the mental game, huh?

Yeah.