Ted Lasso

And we're in the final minute of added time.

AFC Richmond and Nottingham Forest are level with two goals apiece.

Obisanya switches play. He finds Rojas, who has room.

Oh!

And it's a penalty!

A giant opportunity for the Greyhounds to change their club's tide here.

Nice pass, Sam!

Here we go, Dani!

- Yeah! Yes! - Nice, nice.

Huge relief for Colin Hughes after he was liable for Forest's equalizer.

Richmond has started the season with seven straight ties…

And if this match ends in a draw, they will tie the record,

which is currently a tie between Southampton and Swansea.

Chris, can you even imagine

starting a season with seven consecutive draws?

I sure can, Arlo.

And that's because I'm a right-brained dominant with a knack for make-believe.

Is it okay if I pray?

Yeah, of course. But to which god and in what language, you know?

You could cross your fingers, make a wish.

There you go.

The Richmond faithful, who've recently gone through so much,

still fervently behind their club.

Keep on him.

- Ooh. - Go on. Yeah!

And a hush falls over Nelson Road…

- -

With the exception of Richmond's venerable mascot,

Earl Greyhound, howling his encouragement.

Will Dani Rojas deliver the good boy their first win of the season?

Please, please, please, please.

Come on, Dani.

Football is life.

Oh!

Oh.

- Oh, no. - Oh, my God.

I promise that's not what I wished for.

That poor creature. It's so tragic.

Awful turn of events.

You don't think that people will hate us because of it, do you?

Well, it was obviously a horrible accident,

but I guess that one perk of being in a lower division now

is that not every game is televised.

Yes, but, Higgins, the Internet.

- Oh, right, the goddamn Internet. -

Oi, Twitter is going bonkers. Look.

Oh, God. Did we really make Michael Jordan cry?

- Did you write a statement for Ted? - Yeah, I did.

But then he said, "Now, don't you fret, Boba Fett." He's got it covered.

- Okay. - Mmm. Mmm.

- Coach! - All right, Marcus,

- what do you got for me? - Coach Lasso,

how are you feeling about the team's efforts today?

Well, I feel like everyone played their hearts out, especially Sam.

Just gets better and better every game.

He's really helping us fill that giant Roy Kent void, you know.

And how many more matches you think can end in a draw

before you hit the panic button?

Well, Marcus, there's two buttons I never like to hit, all right?

And that's "panic" and "snooze."

- Who else? -

Uh, what about this fella right here?

- Trent Crimm... - The Independent.

I was wondering if you had any comments on Earl, the dog Dani Rojas killed today.

Mmm. Trent Crimm, bringing that heat.

Yeah.

Well, when I was three years old, I got attacked by our neighbor's dog.

I don't remember it happening, but my mother said it was pretty...

pretty scary, you know.

I do remember being afraid of dogs while growing up though.

Like if I was at a friend's house for a sleepover or something,

they'd have to keep their family dog outside, otherwise I'd bawl my eyes out.

- -

Then in high school, our neighbor, Mr. Grady, well, his wife passed away.

And he was real sad about that, as you can imagine,

and he just kinda stopped taking care of their dog.

Same one that bit me. His name was Hank.

And so I started looking after him, you know.

Feeding him, taking him on walks, playing fetch, all that fun stuff.

Eventually, Mr. Grady's son moved his dad into a nursing home,

and he asked if I wanted to keep Hank, and I was like, "Yeah. Heck, yeah."

And then a year or so after that we had to put Hank to sleep.

It's funny to think about the things in your life…

That can make you cry just knowing that they existed,

can then become the same thing that make you cry

knowing that they're now gone.

I think those things come into our lives…

To help us get from one place to a better one.

And I hope we helped Earl do just that.

We gonna miss him around here a whole bunch. Yeah.

And how's Dani doing?

I haven't spoken with him yet,

but I just hope he's not being too hard on himself, you know.

He's been like this for 20 minutes.

He's gonna use all the hot water.

- Yeah. - Yeah, you're right.

Hey, Dani. What ya doing?

Washing the death off of me.

Well, I... I recommend you use a little soap.

Helps get the eternal rest out of those tough-to-reach places, you know.

Gracias, Coach.

Well, hey, don't forget, football is life, right?

I know. It used to be.

- - I got nothing.

Okay, so, fellas,

let's go ahead and give Dani a little bit of space right now, yeah?

Y'all don't mind showering at home, do ya?

Ooh, Coach, uh, if it's okay with you,

some of us prefer to take long baths at home.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh. Yeah, no, okay, that'll work too.

Oh, and hey, way to play out there today.

Y'all kicked their butts from soup to nuts.

Don't worry, we gonna get a W soon.

We'll see you goldfish on Monday.

Goldfish?

Oh, it means to forget our mistakes and failures and just move on.

But I didn't make any mistakes. Only you played poorly.

Ooh. Wow.

Hey, guys, Jan Maas is not being rude.

He's just being Dutch.

- Mm? Yeah, yeah. - True.

- -

I'm telling you, all these ties are my fault.

It's straight up celestial payback for the Man City game.

There I was wishing and hoping for a freaking tie,

and now the karma police are making good

on showing me what I get when I mess with them.

The team's playing well, Ted, just a little unlucky, that's all.

"Unlucky." Yeah. Man, I love the way y'all use that word over here.

Back home, if a team was playing poorly, we don't call 'em unlucky.

- What do we call 'em, Coach? - New York Jets.

- There it is. - Hey, Coach.

Uh, sorry to interrupt. Uh, can I leave a little early today?

But part of your job is to stay until the whole team's gone.

No, yes, of course. It's just, it's my mum's 50th birthday...

Oh. Oh.

And w-what position does your mum play on the team again?

It's okay, Will. Uh, tell your mom a happy birthday from all of us,

and if she ever wants to try out for the team, she's more than welcome.

Ah, lovely.

Y-You gotta stay on 'em.

Pressure makes pearls, right?

- Mmm. - Wait, that's wrong.

It's diamonds... Shit! I messed it up.

No, you didn't mess it up. You were just, uh...

- Unlucky. - Yes!

- - Ooh, thanks.

That's odd.

We just received a giant food delivery from our rivals over at Brentford F.C.

That's nice. What kind of food?

Thai.

- Oh, now I get it. -

- - Howdy, y'all.

Ted!

What do you say to a cocktail, Coach Lasso?

Oh, the same thing I'd say to Diane Sawyer

if she ever asked me out on a date: "Yes, please."

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Hmm.

How you feeling?

Well, Keeley, I feel like

a bigger loser than the biggest loser from The Biggest Loser.

Oh, look on the bright side, Ted.

We are still undefeated.

Okay, sure. Thank you.

How's Dani doing?

Oh, he's a little shell-shocked,

but Dani's a lot like an expensive tape measure.

He snaps back real quick.

- Hmm. - Yeah.

What about Earl's owner? He doing all right?

- Yeah, fortunately he is. - Oh, good.

Yes, and you're now looking at the very new, very generous,

very guilt-riddled benefactor of Richmond's largest dog shelter.

- Barkingham Palace. -

- Mmm. It's a good name. - Mm-hmm.

- To Earl. - To Earl.

- To Earl. - Mmm.

Okay, I should go.

I promised the boys we'd watch Empire Strikes Back tonight,

and I have to get my thoughts together

for when they ask about Luke and Leia making out.

- Oh, right. - Wish me luck.

Good luck, Higgins.

Bye, Leslie.

- Hey. May the force be with you. - And also with you.

- All right. -

- Oh, my God! - Oh, is that him?

- Yes, yes, yes. - Come on! Oh, good!

- -

Okay.

- Hey, him who? - Shh.

- And? - Well, I mean…

- Okay, but? - Oh, no. Totally.

- Good, I'm proud of you. - Thanks.

Am I allowed to speak yet?

Oh, sorry, Ted. It's just a little bit of girl talk

about a gentleman suitor I've gone out with a few times.

- - Nice. A little girl talk. I get it.

- What's his name... - Shh.