Motel Hell

'He'd go to hell, right?

'They walked across the sands, and they knew they were sinners.

'They knew that they didn't know the word of the book

'that told them how they should behave...'

Who's this?

- Open Granny's room. - Granny's room? What...

What did you go and do, Vincent?

Get the key, damn it!

- Ida, come in here. - I'm hungry, Vincent. What do you want?

The good Lord has chosen

to pluck this flower away from the Grim Reaper.

And I want to make good and sure he keeps his hands off her.

- I need your help. - Why?

Oh, I see. All right.

Well, let's have a look at it.

Uh...

Uh-huh.

Uh... huh.

Oh, well, she'll live.

All right, well, I'll fix your little flower for you,

but first you got to go out and pick me some goldenseal, comfrey,

valerian, and plantain.

All right.

I must confess I was skeptical,

but everything I heard is true.

Your smoked meats are superior to any I've tasted.

Girls, go play outside!

We'd like to continue to enjoy your meat, Mr Smith.

Where could we purchase some?

Well, look no further, folks.

If you'll just step right over here.

- Here, try one of these. - Ooh...

- Hmm... - Now...

This is our souvenir sampler box.

No chemicals or preservatives,

just 100 % honest-to-goodness hickory smoked meat.

And you get all this for just $2.95.

What's in there? I dare you to look.

- Darers go first. - OK, chicken.

A little souvenir for your station wagon.

- Oh, how nice! - Thank you, sir.

Good gracious! I've never seen them act like that before.

What is it, children?

- How peculiar. - I'll calm them down for you.

You folks come back and see us again real soon.

It was a pleasure.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Guess who?

- Ida, let me go. - Ida!

Ida! Let Bruce go.

Ida, get a bathrobe for Terry, please.

Well, I hope you're feeling better.

I want to see Bo.

Where is he?

Ah, he passed away this morning.

You mean he's dead?

I don't believe it. I want to see him.

Well, it's too late. I buried him at sunrise.

Please tell me it isn't true!

Calm down, ma'am. Everything's gonna be OK.

Here.

Come on. Come on.

That's right.

What the heck's going on here, Vince?

Er... Terry, this is my kid brother, Sheriff Smith of Grainville.

See, I was out hunting very early this morning, and then I...

I heard this crash,

and then I found her by the side of the road.

Oh, oh, here.

I guess the motorcycle went out of control,

and he gave up the ghost just before dawn.

Boris Tulinski.

I'm very sorry, ma'am.

Were you married?

Who gave you permission to bury him?

Uh, ma'am, in this county,

under extenuating circumstances, it's OK.

- Where did you bury him? - In the cemetery.

Why the hell didn't you call me about this?

I figured you had enough to take care of already.

Besides, there wasn't much you could do about it at that point.

I mean, the body wasn't... wasn't intact.

I did the coroner one hell of a favor.

She wouldn't want to remember him like that.

Believe me, it's for the best.

- What's she gonna do now? - Oh...

Rest a while, I expect.

If she's any trouble for you, I could put her up with one of the county agencies.

Trouble?

Well, were not exactly hurting for accommodations around here.

Besides, we could use a little help.

A smart girl like that would come in right handy, too.

Sooey, sooey, sooey!

Sooey. Soo-soo!

Sooey!

Hello, Bob. What a surprise.

I wasn't expecting you for another month.

Well, this is what we call a little spot check, Vincent.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience.

Oh, hell, it's no inconvenience at all.

It's always my pleasure to see you, Bob.

Make yourself at home.

Excuse me.

How do they look, Bob?

You better check those hooves. Some of them look like they're infected.

I'll take care of them right away, Bob. Thank you.

- See you next month! - You bet.

'Do you need help? Do you need help?

'Let us know right away.

'You there, send in your letters. We'll pray for you.

'You got a problem? We're gonna help you do that.

'Take care of everything, because the word here tells us

'that we must help you.

'But you got to help us help you...'

How are you feeling, child?

I'm so confused.

I don't even know what I'm doing here.

I don't know whether I should go back home or try and find...

You need to get better before you rush off anywhere.

I don't know...

Bo was the only person that I...

What is it, child?

Do you feel all alone in this world?

None of us are ever really alone.

You do have someone.

What do you mean?

Well, you have yourself.

Think about it.

You've been blessed, child.

Oh, the ways of the Lord are mysterious.

The very fact that you're sitting here with us

proves that it was preordained.

Yeah... I guess you're right.

Vincent, Ida...

I feel good here.

I don't know how I'm ever going to thank you both enough

for being so kind to me and saving my life.

Oh, don't mention it, child.

That's right. That's all that matters to us, child.

That you get better. Now, you go to bed.

Good night, Vincent.

Sweet dreams.

Ida.

Another spot check, Bob?

Oh, man, this red's too heavy. We better find a place to crash.

Mike, watch it!

Mike, what's wrong?

Hey, hey! Come on, man!

Hey, hey! What's that?

- What's that smell? - What's going on?

Traps work out OK?

Yeah.

You know, I'm just beginning to realise

how important they are to me.

The bear traps? How's that, Vincent?

No, no, no, I mean the traps.

Shooting out the tires,

chains stretched across the highway,

and the way we had you lying by the side of the road,

next to that old Chevy we set on fire.

- You know what I mean, the traps. - Oh, sure.

But how come they're so important to you?

Well, because they give me a chance to be creative.

Oh. Sort of artistic?

Yeah. And that way, the work we're doing here

will always be as special as it is important.

Oh, I almost forgot, I have a surprise for you.

Oh, goody. I love surprises.

Ah, ah, ah...

Well...

that healed right nicely.

What?

What's that you say?

Come on, speak up!

You see, when your vocal cords have been slit,

you've got to answer real clearly, if you expect anyone to understand you.

Oh, no, you just haven't got the hang of it yet.

Now, don't worry.

You will. You'll catch on. I know you will.

Well, start bringing them in.

Hey, what about my surprise.

You're right. Come over here.

OK.

- Guess who? - Well, I give up.

Ta-ta-ta-dah...

Bob!

Good to see you.

When did you drop in?

Plant 'em.

And you wonder how I keep my shape, huh?

Ah, let's see what we got here.

Funny-looking critters, ain't they, Vincent?

Yeah, maybe so.

But you know as well as I do,

it takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent fritters!

This one.

It's like I've never really tasted ham before.

It's true.