Space Jam

Michael?

What are you doing out here, son? It's after midnight.

Couldn't sleep, Pops.

Well, neither can we, with all that noise you're making.

Come on, let's go inside.

Just one more shot?

All right. Just one.

Yeah.

That's good. Shoot it again.

Getting pretty good, son. Go ahead, shoot till you miss.

You think if I can get good enough, I can go to college?

Hey...

...if you get good enough, you can do anything you want to, Michael.

I want to play at North Carolina.

That's a real fine school. Real fine school.

You can get a first-class education there.

I want to play on a championship team.

Then I want to play in the NBA.

All right, let's slow down, son.

Don't you think you ought to get a little sleep first?

- And once I've done all that... - Uh-huh.

...I want to play baseball, just like you, Dad.

Baseball. Now, that's a sport.

And when you're finished with that, I suppose you're gonna fly, huh?

I just feel at this particular time...

...that I reached the, uh, pinnacle of my basketball career and I must retire.

The one good thing that comes out of this is that my father had the opportunity...

...to see me play my last basketball game, and that means a lot to me.

What are you gonna do now?

Well, I've never really told anybody this, except for one person, and, uh...

But I think I'm gonna go play professional baseball.

- What position will you play? - I don't know. As a kid, I was a pitcher.

I think that would be kind of hard for me to pitch, so I'm gonna play the outfield.

Woo-hoo!

Let's get out of here, Dad. This stinks.

Don't bring me here anymore, all right?

- Don't bring me here anymore, all right? Are you listening?

Did you hear him? Did you hear him? That little brat is right.

I've told you, if I've told you once...

...I told you a thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand times.

We need new attractions.

- Right. - New ones.

Uh-huh.

- Get it? - Big, shiny new things, yeah.

- Absolutely, sir. - Look at me. Look at me and listen.

The customer is always right.

Right. - The customer is always right.

Exactly.

Always.

Right.

- Okay, we need something-- My bad.

We need something...

- ...nutty. - Nutty.

- Something wacky. Wacky.

We need something, something-- Something-- We need something--

Looney? Oops.

Looney. Thank you.

Looney?

I'm an elk. Shoot me.

Yes. Looney. Yes.

Now you're talking. Looney. Looney. That's it.

That's the word I was looking for. Looney.

- Get the Looney Tunes. - Looney Tunes!

- Bring them here. Sir. Just noticing, sir.

They're from Earth. What if they can't come?

What did you say? What if they can't come?

- Make them. - Cool.

Make them. Ha-ha-ha.

We're gonna go get them. Yeah. All right.

Strike!

Looks good in that uniform.

Looks great. Can't teach that.

Can't teach it.

Thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. I'm a hero now.

No problem. Happy to do it, man.

Let's go!

Curve ball. Don't swing.

Don't swing.

Ball!

Fastball, outside corner. Swing.

Strike!

That was your pitch.

I know, I missed it.

Don't worry. I'll get you another one.

Podolak. Podolak, come here.

Sorry, I didn't mean to--

- Come here. - Yes, sir?

Make sure nobody bothers Michael. I want him to be the happiest player in the world.

The happiest.

Slider. Don't swing.

Strike three!

I told you not to swing.

I couldn't help it.

I understand. Hey, nice talking to you.

We're not worried. We're not worried.

Good job, Mike. Good hustle.

Good cut, Michael. Good cut.

That was a strikeout, Mike? Good-looking strikeout. Real good.

You look good when you strike out. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man.

At least you look good, man. Good-looking.

Hi, Mr. Jordan.

Mr. Jordan, I'm Stan Podolak--

Oh, jeez.

- You all right? That was a nasty fall. - Yeah.

Oh. I'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan. I'm the Barons' new publicist.

I'm here to make your life easier. Want me to drive you somewhere?

Want me to pick up your laundry, babysit your kids? I will do it.

I am here to personally guarantee that no one will ever bother you.

What was that?

Hang on.

- Hanging on. - Hanging on.

Are we there yet?

- Bombastic. - Cool.

All right, you irascible bunny.

Come back here, you screwy rodent.

I'll, uh, be with you in a second, folks, after I finish with nature boy here.

All right, you pesky rabbit. I've got you now.

Ouch!

Hmm.

One small step for moi --

One giant leap for Moron Mountain.

And one whopper headache for Elmer Fudd.

Diminutive, ain't they?

- We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny. - Yeah, Bugs Bunny.

- Have you seen him? - Where is this guy?

Is he around?

Hmm. Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny.

Say, does he have, uh, great big long ears?

- Like this? - Yeah. Yeah.

And does he hop around like this?

- Yeah. - Well, uh...

...does he say, "What's up, doc?" like this:

- Eh, what's up, doc? - Yeah!

Nope. Never heard of him.

You know, maybe there is no intelligent life out there in the universe after all.

Hold on there, Mr. Looney Tune.

Hey, what do you think we are, stupid?

Don't move a muscle.

Okay, bunny, gather up your Tune pals.

- We're taking you for a ride. Ha, ha. Move it, mister.

Totally. All right. So, like, where are we going?

Are we there yet?

Sorry it took so long. Don't worry.

That exit wasn't clearly marked. Hold up, right here.

What, here? Yes.

Thanks for the ride, Sherm. Appreciate it.

- It's Stan, Mike. - Sorry.

But you can call me Sherm if you want to. I've followed your whole career.

- You're the greatest athlete that's ever lived. - Stan, Stan, Stan.

How do I get out? The door doesn't work.

- I'm sorry. I forgot-- It's a classic. - Oh, yeah.

It's a classic, but it's got a few peccadilloes. Hold on just a second.

A few, huh? It's smoking, too, man. You need to get that checked.

Thanks for the ride.

Oh.

Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house.

That is a beauty. What is that, Colonial?

It's a nice house.

If you need anything done around the house, I'd be happy--

- Oh, no, I'm fine, thanks. - Anything you need.

- You gave me a ride. I appreciate it. - Sure.

Tomorrow I'm gonna drive, okay? So I don't need the ride.

But thanks, though.

Too conspicuous?

Yeah.

- All right. All right. - Thanks, though.

- Tomorrow. - See you tomorrow.

Come on, dog. No, not today.

Dog, get off me. Your breath.

- Mr. Jordan, are you okay? - Get off of me!

Get off of him, Charles.

- Bad dog. Git. - Get off of him.

- Get off me, Charles. - Get off of him before I cook you.

Come on, come on. Come on, baby. Come on.

Get out of the car!

Good game.

Hey, Jeff, you okay?

- How was your game? I don't want to talk.

- Hi, Dad. Hey, hey.

Michael!

- Daddy, Daddy! - How you doing?

Hey. Hey.

- Ooh. You're all covered with drool, baby. - That's your dog.

- What's wrong with Jeff? - He went two for five...

- ...lost 32 points in his average. - Is that all?

Yeah, so that puts him at like a .685 or something.

He's batting what?

Mm. Smells good in here. What you cooking?

Chicken. - Chicken and what?