Who Is America?

Ask not what your country can do for you.

Ask what you can do for your country.

Mr. Gorbachev,

tear down this wall!

The only thing we have to fear

is fear itself!

"Uhh, I don't know what I said. Uhh!"

[man chanting in native language]

[group chanting in native language]

The middle of the last century in Europe

saw millions of people embrace the most evil ideology

the world has ever known.

It was called Liberalism.

This cancer is making a comeback.

There is a resurgence of fanatics

spewing their vile doctrine of tolerance and equality.

I hunted down one of them, Jill Stein,

who was pedaling some Soros-funded conspiracy theory

called global warming.

Hi. Hi.

- Great to meet you, ma'am. - Billy.

Billy Wayne? Well, Dr. Billy Wayne.

- Dr. Billy Wayne. - Dr. Billy Wayne Ruddock.

- Wonderful. - Wonderful.

Wonderful to meet you. And I'm Dr. Jill Stein.

Let's talk about global warming.

Do you believe it exists, or to use its proper name,

climax change?

Climate change.

Um, so I'm a scientist.

It's pretty clear from the science that,

um, climate is changing.

Temperature is cyclical.

You got to admit that.

Well, if you look at the graph, actually,

you do see a little bit of this up and down.

But it's generally trending up.

Well, I don't know if I agree with that.

You know, temperature goes up and down.

I mean, look at January.

It's lower, and then it goes up a little bit in April.

In July, it's really hot, you know.

The liberals will be freaking out,

saying we need to by a Tesla from Lena Dunham.

No, hey. Relax.

November and December, it's down again.

Okay.

It's clearly a pattern, you know.

You're demonstrating that the seasons change.

Seasons have always been changing

throughout the course of the year.

So temperature has always been cyclical.

Uh, well that talks about over one year.

So, but you agree with that.

- Oh, that's not an issue. - Oorah!

'Cause you can show this every year

for as long as humans have been around.

Look at that.

- Yeah. - It's clearly a pattern.

But, you know, like, I really am a scientist.

Do you agree that there is an increase in hurricanes?

You cannot show, at this point,

that there's been an increase in the number of hurricanes.

However, there is an increase

in the intensity of the hurricanes.

There's a lot of evidence that the CIA

was weaponizing weather.

They would fly out helicopters

over the last 16 years

into the ocean,

um, helicopters with whisks on,

and thereby create a hurricane.

Billy, you can't create a hurricane

by stirring the air up.

Do you know what actually creates hurricanes?

This is gonna convince you.

This is purchased from a verified seller on eBay.

$112, not including shipping.

But you don't know what his credentials are.

You know, you don't know what his documents are.

I do. 94.6%. He was a certified seller.

Well, that just means that he actually

comes through on his sales. It means his evidence is true!

Why can't you see the truth?

Next, I went to Washington

to confront ex-presidential candidate Howard Dean,

to pose the most important political question

the fake news media are too scared to ask.

Aah!

Do you believe Hillary is actually a woman?

Because there is... I know.

There's a lot of... Lots of ideas floating around.

And, you know, I know her.

Well, how do you explain that?

How do I explain what?

Lookie here.

How do you explain that?

I explain that as maybe the trouser presser did a lousy job.

Who knows?

You think the trouser presser created a perfect penis?

Oh, who knows? I mean, really.

I can't go here. I can't do it.

I just... and, you know, we're not gonna find out

'cause we're... you know, we're not gonna examine her, so.

What about this? This was a CIA file.

It was a hidden shot.

She's in a man's urinal, urinating like a man.

Yeah. I... It's...

You can't handle the truth.

Well, I think it's far more likely...

I mean, what is she holding there?

Why is there a stream?

There is a stream coming from something.

And it is unbelievably...

I could make up a picture of Donald Trump in drag.

So you're telling me that is fake news?

I believe it is.

Governor, have you seen her lady parts?

I have not.

Isn't that convenient?

My name, Sergeant Corporal Erran Morad.

In the US, there are 3.7 million home invasions every year.

So today, I'm gonna teach a housewife

and her pussy husband how to fist the burglar.

Yalla, let's go.

- Hello. - Hello. Erran Morad.

- How are you? Gretchen Rossi. - Good.

Thank you for coming to our home.

- Hi. I'm Slade. - Good to meet you.

I'm Gretchen Rossi, and you guys probably know me

from "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

I'm Slade Smiley, and I like to sleep with housewives.

That's true, right? That is so inappropriate.

So, now we find out, eh, your threat level.

- Okay. - So, you are a very

beautiful woman. Thank you.

I'm sure there are a lot of people saying mean things

or who are jealous of your beauty and talent,

who are saying things on the Internet about you.

Yes. A lot, yes, definitely.

And, Slade, I have seen you on the show.

A lot of people hate you.

So what kind of things do they say to you?

Um, what do they call me?

They say s... You mean the-

- Girly boy, or... - No, they call you douchebag.

They say douchebag.

- Do they mock you for your hair? - They have, yes.

And they mock your clothes, I expect?

Yes.

Did anyone ever call you a

What's that?

It's a... like a girly-man.

Oh. I told you about when she said the word "faggot."

- Oh, yes. - Talking about your shoes.

You know where the main assassination is,

when you want to assassinate?

- In the bathroom. - Probably bathrooms, yeah.

When you, uh, go and do a

Do you open the window?

Sometimes, but I don't know 'cause...

You, I imagine, is one wipe?

Clean, no smell? Yeah.

They will find your weakness.

With him, it is that he do a

In the toilet that is so bad

that he open the window. Right.

Sometimes the window gets opened, yes.

- Okay, this is a problem. - Yeah.

So you have to change your diet.

You have to make it so that you don't open the window.

- That you don't open the window. - Yeah.

You, I'm sure, can eat anything.

Yeah, I can, yeah. I'm pretty good.

- There's not a... - No. No.

- Yeah. - There's no smell.

- Yeah. - I imagine.

No. Unh-unh.

So if they know that Slade at 8:00 in the morning

go to the toilet and do a huge

And he's wiping for ten minutes with his hairy

Then they will attack the beautiful wife.

Yes.

You need to think like the terrorist.

- Right. - And they are... are they stupid?

- No. - No.

They are more intelligent than you and certainly you.

Yeah.

What you want to do is to surprise.

Surprise the attacker. Right.

Music is often a way to distract them.

- That's interesting. - Yeah.

So we do a simulazia,

a simulation now that you are the attacker.

Okay.

Okay. Slade, your turn.

I have no musical talent.

Doesn't play anything.

- No. - So, the body is, uh, flabby.

- Yes. - The strength is not enough,