Doctor Who: A Christmas Carol

Would all passengers please return to their seats and fasten their safety belts?

We are experiencing slight turbulence.

Both engines failed, and the storm-gate's critical.

The ship is going down! Christmas is cancelled.

Entering atmosphere now!

Level - keep her level! Level with what? I can't see!

What is that stuff?

Clouds?

What kind of clouds?

Are you sending a distress signal? It's not me!

Who's in the honeymoon suite?

I've sent for help. Who the hell are you?

Look, there's a friend of mine, OK, and he can help us, he'll come! And what ARE you wearing?

That doesn't matter. Are you from the honeymoon suite? Oh, shut up!

Amy, the light's stopped flashing... Does that mean he's coming?

Honeymoon suite? Oh, oh, the clothes, um...

It is just a bit of fun. Really, shut up!

Sensor-loss on 80% of the hull...

So does this mean he's coming? Or does it mean I need to change the bulb?

He'll come. He always comes. Right, well, he is cutting it kind of fine!

If we can't stabilise the orbit, we're finished.

There's nothing to lock onto. I am flying blind.

Come on, Doctor, come on...

There's something coming alongside us. Something small, like a shuttle.

Just this once, don't be late. Ma'am... incoming message.

It's from the other ship. On screen.

What does that mean? It's Christmas!

On every world, wherever people are,

in the deepest part of the winter, at the exact mid-point...

everybody stops and turns and hugs.

As if to say, "Well done.

"Well done, everyone -

"we're halfway out of the dark."

Back on Earth, we called this Christmas.

Or the Winter Solstice.

On this world, the first settlers called it the Crystal Feast.

You know what I call it?

I call it expecting something for nothing!

Sir. Mr Sardick.

We're only asking for one day.

Just let her out for Christmas.

She loves Christmas. Does she?

Oh, does she? I see!

Hello!

Wakey-wakey - it's Christmas!

Do you know what? I think she's a bit cool about the whole thing.

That was funny.

She's frozen.

She's what, sorry?

She's in the ice, she can't hear you.

Oh, what a clever little boy.

You must be so irritated.

How much? Er... it's 4,500 Gideons, sir.

You took a loan of 4,500 Gideons...

and Little Miss Christmas is my security.

We're not asking for her back. Just let her have one day.

Let her have Christmas with us.

Sir, it's the President.

Tell him I'm busy.

Now... where were we?

Oh, yes! She's pretty, though, your daughter.

Maybe I should keep her. She's not my daughter, sir.

She's my sister.

She volunteered for the ice when the family were in difficulties many years ago.

Sorry, sir, the President says there's a galaxy-class ship trapped

in the cloud layer and... well, we have to let it land. Or?

Well... or it'll crash, sir.

Oh. Well, it's a kind of landing, isn't it?

It's from Earth, sir, registering over 4,000 life forms on board.

Not if we wait a bit!

You can't just let it crash, sir.

Says who?

Oh, give it here.

Look, petal, we already have a surplus population.

No more people allowed on this planet.

I don't make the rules. Oh, no, hang on... I do.

Right, you lot...

poor, begging people,

off home and pray for a miracle.

Ah! Yes, blimey. Sorry!

Christmas Eve on a rooftop, saw a chimney, my whole brain just went, "What the hell!"

Don't worry, fat fella will be doing the rounds later.

I'm just scoping out the general... chimney-ness. Yes.

Nice size, good traction...

big tick! Fat fella?

Father Christmas, Santa Claus... or, as I've always known him, Jeff.

There's no such person as Father Christmas.

Oh, yeah? Me and Father Christmas, Frank Sinatra's hunting lodge, 1952.

See him at the back with the blonde... Albert Einstein.

The three of us together... hrrroom! Watch out!

OK? Keep the faith, stay off the naughty list.

Ooh! Now, what's this?

And I love this, a big flashy lighty thing - that's what brought me here.

Big flashy lighty things have got me written all over them.

Not actually, but give me time and a crayon.

Now, this big flashy lighty thing is connected to the spire in your dome, yeah, and it controls the sky.

Well, technically, it controls the clouds, which technically aren't clouds at all.

Well, they're clouds of tiny particles of ice.

Ice clouds, love that, who's she?

Nobody important. Nobody important?

Blimey, that's amazing.

Do you know, in 900 years of time and space, I've never met anyone who wasn't important before.

Now, this console is the key to saving that ship, or I'll eat my hat...

If I had a hat.

I'll eat someone's hat. Not someone who's using their hat - I don't want to shock a nun, or something.

Sorry, rambling, cos... cos this isn't working!

The controls are isomorphic - one to one - they respond only to me.

Oh, you fibber...

Isomorphic! There's no such thing.

These controls are isomorphic!

The skies of this entire world are mine.

My family tamed them, and now I own them.

Tamed the sky?

What does that mean? It means I'm Kazran Sardick.

How can you possibly not know who I am?

Well, just easily bored, I suppose.

So, I need your help, then.

Make an appointment.

There are 4,003 people in a spaceship trapped in your cloud belt.

Without your help, they're going to die.

Yes.

You don't have to let that happen.

I know, but I'm going to.

Bye-bye. Bored now... Chuck!

Ooh, look at you, looking all tough now. There are 4,003 people

I won't allow to die tonight. Do you know where that puts you? Where?

4,004.

Was that a sort of threat-y thing?

Whatever happens tonight, remember...

you brought it on yourself.

Yeah, yeah, right. .. Get him out of here.

And next time, try and find me some funny poor people.

No, stop, don't! Don't you dare! You leave him!

Get him out of here!

Get that foul-smelling family out of here! Out!

We're going!

What? What do you want?

A simple life.

But you didn't hit the boy. Well, I will next time!

No, you see, you won't. Now why?

What am I missing?

Get out! Get out of this house!

The chairs! Of course, the chairs! Stupid me, the chairs! The chairs?

There's a portrait on the wall behind me. Looks like you, but it's too old, so it's your father.

All the chairs are angled away from it. Daddy's been dead for 20 years.

But you still can't get comfortable where he can see you.

There's a Christmas tree in the painting, but none in this house, on Christmas Eve.

You're scared of him and you're scared of being like him.

And good for you, you're not like him, not really. Do you know why?

Why?

Because you didn't hit the boy.

Merry Christmas, Mr Sardick.

I despise Christmas!

You shouldn't. It's very you.

It's what? What do you mean?

Halfway out of the dark.

Get her downstairs with the others. Clean up this mess!

Everything's offline! Secondary furnace just vented.

Have you got a plan yet? Yes, I do.

Are you lying?

Yes, I am. Don't treat me like an idiot.

Was he lying? No, no.

OK, the good news. I've tracked the machine that unlocks the cloud belt.

I could use it to clear you a flight corridor and you could land easily.

Oh, hey, hey, that's great news.

But I can't control the machine. Less great.

But I've met a man who can. Ah, well, there you go!

And he hates me. Were you being extra charming and clever?

Yeah, how did you know? Lucky guess.

Sir... Sir. Hang on.

I've never seen anybody stand up to Mr Sardick like that.

Bless you, sir, and merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Lovely. Sorry, bit busy. You'd better get inside, sir.

The fog's thick tonight, and there's a fish warning. Oh, right, yeah. Sorry, fish? Yeah.

You know what they're like when they get a bit hungry. Yeah, fish, I know fish. Fish?

It's all Mr Sardick's fault, I reckon.

He always lets a few fish through the cloud layer when he's in a bad mood.

Thank you. Bless you once again, sir.

Fish?

Doctor, the Captain says we've got less than an hour...

What should we be doing?

Fish...! Sorry, what?

Fish that can swim in fog.

I love new planets. Doctor!

Doctor, please don't get distracted!

Now, why would people be frightened of you tiny little fellas?

Look at you, sweet little fishy-wishies.

Mind you, fish in the fog, so the cloud cover... Ooh.

Careful up there. Oh, great, thanks, Doctor,

because there was a real danger we were all going to nod off We've got less than an hour!

Doctor? How are you getting us off here? Oh, just give me a minute!

Can't use the TARDIS, cos it can't lock on.

So that ship needs to land, but it can't land unless

a very bad man suddenly decides to turn nice, just in time for Christmas Day!

Doctor, I can't hear you. What is that? Is that singing?

A Christmas carol. A what?

A Christmas carol! A what?

A CHRISTMAS CAROL!

Doctor?

Kazran Sardick! 'Doctor!'