South Park

Hey, fellas! Fellas!

You wanna know what time I woke up this morning?

- What time? - Around six-seven!

All: Six-seven!

Oh, hey, Annie. Ladies.

Did you guys do your homework last night?

I tried to, but I got stuck on problems six and seven!

All: Six-seven!

Hey, Eric!

I know, Butters. I know. Don't do it to me.

It's too funny. - But I just did a six-seven

with Annie and Megan at the same time!

Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on Wendy

and totally six-seven'd her from behind.

- Wow! - Hey, Scott.

How's your diabetes, man?

- My diabetes? - Yeah, what's your A1C at?

6.7.

All: Six-seven!

Oh, my God.

So fucking funny.

All right, everyone, listen up.

I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions in the classroom

and some satanic numerology shit going on.

So I want to remind you this is a Power Christian school,

and I am a Power Christian Principal,

and we will be PC!

So now I want you to hear from someone

who is the highest authority on Biblical prophecies.

This person is an absolute expert on the end of days

and the coming of the Antichrist.

Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.

Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here to talk to you

about the Antichrist!

OK, so first, what is the Antichrist?

The Antichrist is a newer, more human form of Satan

that will soon walk the Earth.

We don't know how soon it will walk the Earth,

but it could be within the next six to seven weeks.

Six-seven!

Uh, kay.

Uh, you see, Satan was a fallen angel

and God punished him,

and to make sure that Satan could never have offspring,

the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole

to the size of a tiny, little pinhole

so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside of it.

So Satan could never have a butt baby until

along came Mr. Donald Trunp,

whose penis is so teeny, teeny tiny

it could actually fit in Satan's asshole.

How small is Donald Trump's penis?

Somewhere between six and seven centimeters.

Six-seven!

Hey, look, this is very important, people.

OK, the Antichrist is coming.

The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers to America,

the fourth seal broken, and hell coming to Earth.

It's right here in Revelations 6...

six-seven.

Six-seven!

Good, and breathe in through your nose.

And out through your mouth.

In... two, three four.

And exhale... two, three, four.

Good. Let your shoulders soften.

Let your jaw relax.

Now gentle pressure on the hips as your partner exhales.

Good.

This is so boring!

How about you shut up and do your job?

Ah, come on, Satan!

How about we just go home and fuck?

We haven't had sex in forever.

That's because it's bad for the baby.

Yeah, but fuck the baby. This is stupid!

Did you just say "fuck the baby"?

Hey, relax, guy.

I didn't mean like really fuck the baby!

No, you know what? You can just go home.

I'll finish this myself.

You can go home and jack off if you want.

Perfect.

Hello, boss!

Ah! Shit!

Good news, boss,

we just shut down another abortion clinic.

Oh, yeah, great. That's great.

Yes, boss.

You've made all the Christians so happy.

Of course, there is still one more clinic

that will still perform abortions

right here in town.

- There is? - Oh, yes.

How unfortunate that some babies

will not be able to be born.

As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.

Perhaps you should go speak

with this abortion doctor personally.

Yeah. Yeah!

Come on.

PC Principal, do you have a minute?

Sure, Jesus. What do you need?

I'm starting to wonder if I really fit in here.

Course you fit in.

This school's been a cesspool of heathen left-wing

little bitches, and only our faith is gonna set them right.

Could I ask exactly

what branch of Christianity are you?

The kind that loves his country

and doesn't tolerate any fucking fags.

Yeah, see, I-I really think I don't belong here.

Look, I understand it's a tough transition.

You know, the vice principal here

had the same conflict as you, but she's really come around.

The vice principal? Your wife?

That's right.

Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?

She was saying this wasn't the place for her anymore,

but just this last weekend, she converted to Christianity.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, Strong Christian Woman, I was just telling Jesus

here about our faith.

Oh, yes, it's been such a blessing.

She converted on Saturday. What do you think, huh?

You ever seen a more Christian chick in your fucking life?

Never.

Look, I know it's a hard adjustment,

but just stick with it,

and you're gonna fit in here just fine, Jesus.

Everything go good at school today, honey?

Yep, yep. School was good.

School was pretty good.

Is everything OK, honey?

Yeah. Everything's fine.

It's fine.

Mom? Uh, could I... could I ask you something?

Sure, Eric.

Do you know, um...

do you know on average,

um, at what age kids lose their baby teeth?

Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.

I guess usually around six, seven?

OK.

Eric, what?

No, nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was just, uh... I was just, um...

I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.

My menstrual cycle?

Yeah, I was just wondering

when you actual menstruate, Mom.

Like, roughly, how many days does that last?

Well, Eric, it's usually around

six to seven days that a woman...

Oh. Oh.

Eric? Sweetie?

Eric, what is going on? This keeps happening.

Mom, Mom, you gotta tell me something.

Of course, honey.

Roughly how many nights...

have I been throwing up at dinner?

I-I don't know, Eric.

It's probably been six or seven nights...

Hey, Jesus, get your stuff, man.

We're going out for drinks. - What?

Look, I know it's been hard for you

trying to adjust here and everything,

so the wife and I were talking

and we found a nice Christian lady

we're gonna set you up with.

Oh, I don't think so. Thanks, but...

Oh, come on, man. She's a really great woman,

and she just converted to Christianity.

My wife met her at the same place that she became Christian.

So then I was like, "You know what?"

I need a new direction in my life.

It's like I just got so sick of everyone being such a pussy

all the time, and all this woke garbage

and women trying to be men.

So I just started reading the Bible, you know?

I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,

but I listened to a lot of podcasts.

And once I went through my transition, I was like,

"This is great,"

only now, guys are always checking out my Christianity.

Sorry, could you all excuse me?

I need to go to the bathroom.

Sure thing, Jesus.

He seems nice.

Miss Davidson?

Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?

Oh, yeah, that's me!

I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.

I'm just here to get an abortion.

The doctor's right in here... ma'am.

Hey, doc!

All right, listen,