The Vampire Chronicles

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- Previously on "The Vampire Lestat"...

Ask for it, child.

The light's going out of your blue eyes.

His name was Magnus.

He kept me for a week, locked in a room full of corpses.

It's my era now.

Is it true you were a stutterer as a child?

You ask this question every night.

I won two Pulitzers.

I'm taking this thing to Cannes.

- How did I get here? - Sofia.

Hello, Sofia.

My maker called for his mama, and I came.

My first paramour,

Nicolas de Lenfent, a violinist.

There are four pages torn out.

It was better when he broke my bones.

It was when he had me pinned, and he'd tell me he loved me.

That fucked me up.

We would like you to take care of our problem in Detroit.

I believe your Claudia spent a few nights with him once.

- You are listening to "The Failures,"

Album 22, Side A.

- The vainglorious homogeny of the Toronto skyline

is something to behold,

an onslaught of impractical condominiums

dominated by a 147-floor Waterpik.

Its banality is lost

on the polite citizenry of Canada.

To them, it's iconic

and what the friends and family

of Avery Olson and Natalie Boekelheide

confirmed as a must-see

when the two planned their honeymoon

and waited for Avery's divorce to finalize.

Had they stayed within the realities of their budget

and consummated their union in their home province,

the marriage might have lasted longer.

But love born from a speed dating event

in Moose Jaw, "Sakasatchewan,"

merited an unhurried commemoration.

Can I offer my assistance?

Oh, mercy.

Aren't you the angel?

- Very kind of you, sir. Thank you.

My pleasure.

I know these moments last a lifetime.

Just make sure we're not in the center-center

and that the tower isn't coming out of his head.

Mm, the rule of thirds, the golden mean...

And thus amenities

from the Radisson Blu honeymoon package

went unused, exchanged, as they were,

for a vampiric appointment in Samarra.

Gabriella's divine intervention had raised

my raptorial spirits, and I channeled our kills

into prurient performances, licking the underside

of Lake Erie in Cleveland and Buffalo

before rounding the shaft of Lake Ontario.

Lover.

Where are you?

Where are any of us, really?

- Is that him? - Oh.

Give me that.

Hey, Justin Bieber, I got 40 fucking people here

with their hands up their asses.

- Did you misplace something, Dan?

I'm done chasing you, Busta Coffin.

I saved your life. You owe me.

Perhaps.

I do.

I do.

I do.

You'd be a head mounted above a coven toilet

if it weren't for me.

- Transformational trauma, Daniel.

He's with Sofia again.

What do you know about her?

Mystery vagina past its sell-by date.

And what do you mean, "perhaps"?

You assume death at decapitation.

A study done in Budapest had two class B vampires

surviving separation for nearly two hours.

A vampire of Lestat's breeding

could last four to five times--

Czechstat has the herps.

- Daniel Molloy, delivered unto the world

April 16, 1953, into the arms of his mother in a hospital,

I assume.

It's not something vampires ask one another,

the details of their mortal existence.

It's considered rude.

Nurtured or not nurtured,

nudged in San Francisco towards a career

of distinction and moderate fame.

- After the can, chief. - Sorry.

- Murdered and reborn July 18, 2022,

by the gremlin Armand.

He led a brief, incidental life as a vampire.

Incidental-- hmm, is that the right word?

He found me shallow.

I gave him every reason to.

I have regrets when it comes to Dan.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, uh, he's here.

Ciao.

Ahoj.

What's that on your lip, Jarda?

OK, we're gonna be using a new camera today.

It's called an Interrotron.

I'll be sitting here, but you're gonna see

my face in the camera.

It'll be like we're talking face-to-face.

It's 100 for me.

- And we're shooting this in color,

and we're gonna anchor it

to all the black and white tour footage,

- OK? - Rolling!

So you were a stutterer as a child.

Evening, Dan.

Happy to be here.

Could you state your name for the camera, please?

I'm the Front Man Lestat.

The Vampire Lestat.

I'm immortal, more or less.

The light of the sun, the sustained heat

of an intense fire,

Jefferson Starship,

garrote-wielding coven members, these things might destroy me.

But then again, they might not.

Ugh. Well, that was shit.

- You've said this thing to me a couple of times on the bus,

backstage, that the songs are your story.

- Must be important if I repeat it.

Or it's a doorstop

because you don't want to talk about yourself.

- Mm. Now, kick that door down, Dan.

I've bunkered down with my cookies

and trauma long enough.

Exactly my thinking.

So let's run with this.

Let's dig into these songs and see what we get.

Mm.

You have a song, "Long Face."

The lyrics are,

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, wah-ah.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, wah-ah."

What's the story behind that?

"Long Face" is an agreement

between myself and the audience,

permission disguised as anthem.

"Oh, yeah, we're coming.

"Yeah, yeah, we're coming.

Oh, yeah, I'm coming."

"I'm an actor in my makeup.

I'll get fatter if and when we break up."

Performative vampire, and at the end,

they get the real thing.

"Black Licorice."

Structure and ritual.

Judged and drained,

thrilled and shamed, left wanting more.

Well, that's great, because the--the band thinks

that the song's about--

How the current culture has misshapen the mortal mind

and how easy and unsatisfying

the bringing of death has become.

You must have experienced this, Dan.

The memories you take in as you kill.

Life as a endless cache of influencer videos,

Russian dash cams, and shame-ridden pornography.

Or are we still pretending that you're human?

So not about sucking dick?

Mm. Performative journalist.

Were you a stutterer as a child?

Oh, he--he doesn't like that question.

Well, we can-- we can come back to it.

Um, let's talk about what happened in Detroit...

- Christine. - The other night.

Somebody get Christine!

Some vampires tried to kill you, yeah?

Is it a question if you merely put "yeah"...

- Christine, please? - At the end of a sentence?

- Coming! - Pretty weak bunch,

but they seemed organized, which is different...

- Christine. - What's wrong?

- Than the other two attempts on your life during this tour.

He's entrapping me.