Transformers

Optimus prime: Before time began, there was the cube.

We know not where it comes from,

only that it holds the power to create worlds and fill them with life.

That is how our race was born.

For a time, we lived in Harmony,

but like all great power, some wanted it for good, others for evil.

And so began the war,

a war that ravaged our planet until it was consumed by death,

and the cube was lost to the far reaches of space.

We scattered across the galaxy, hoping to find it and rebuild our home,

searching every star, every world.

And just when all hope seemed lost, message of a new discovery drew us

to an unknown planet called earth.

But we were already too late.

Oh, god, five months of this.

I can't wait to get a little taste of home.

A plate of mama's alligators étouffée.

You've been talking about barbecued 'gators and crickets

for the last two weeks. I'm never going to your mama's house, fig. I promise.

But Bobby, Bobby, 'gators are known to have the most succulent meat.

I understand.

English, please. English.

I mean, how many times have we... We don't speak Spanish. I told you that.

Why you got to ruin it for me, man? That's my heritage.

Go with the Spanish. Whatever.

Hey, you guys remember weekends? Huh'? The sex at Fenway.

- Cold hotdog and a flat beer. - Perfect day.

What about you, captain? You got a perfect day?

I just can't wait to hold my baby girl for the first time.

Fig: He's adorable. Epps: That's too...

Shut up!

Epps: Hey, I'm ready to do this.

Hey, any of y'all grow some balls, come see me on the court, man.

Lennox: Hey, hey!

Watch this crossover, baby.

Like Jordan in his prime, pushing through the front line.

- Step aside, ladies. - Oh, man. What?

- Lennox! - Hey, what are you doing?

- Water? - Thank you.

Are you gonna help me with the gear?

Colonel sharp, we have an inbound unidentified infiltrator, 1o miles out.

Sharp on radio: Unidentified aircraft,

you are in restricted us military airspace.

Squawk "went and proceed east out of the area.

Raptors one and two, snap to heading two-five-zero to intercept.

Bogie is in the weeds ten miles out, not squawking.

Unidentified aircraft, we will escort you to us soccent airbase.

If you do not comply, we will use deadly force.

Cqpv the bogie.

Tail 4500 X-ray.

Sir, says here 4500 x was shot down three months ago.

- Afghanistan. - That's got to be a mistake.

- Check again, then recheck. - I did, sir.

A friend of mine was on that chopper.

Pilot: Unidentified aircraft, we will escort you to us soccent airbase.

Sharp: Radar, where's the inbound? Soldier: Bogie's five miles out, sir.

- My wife on? - Soldier: Yes, captain.

- My ladies! - Look.

Oh, my goodness. Look at her. She's getting so big.

Look at those cheeks. I just wanna chew on them.

Baby, we made a good-looking kid.

I know that people say that all the time,

but, wow, we made one good-looking kid. Nice work.

She has your laugh.

- She laughed? - Her first one, yeah.

You sure she didn't just fart?

No, she's a lady.

She doesn't know you yet, but she will.

4500 x. Something's not right.

Man on pa: Bogie's on the deck.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Radar's jammed.

It's coming from the chopper.

- Will? - Sarah?

Hey, Sarah, if you can hear me, I love you and I'll be home soon.

- To the right. Go to the right. - Check fire.

Mh-53 pilot, power down now.

Have your crew step out or we will kill you.

Soldier: Hold your fire! Stand by to engage!

My god.

They bombed the antenna farm! We're under attack!

Go! Move! Move!

It's going after the files!

Cut the hard lines!

I need a key! It's locked!

Move! Move!

Here, come here! Come here!

Here, hide in here!

Oh, my god. Okay.

No!

Oh!

What the...

Epps, let's go!

Hosney: Okay, Mr. Witwicky, you're up.

Sam: Sorry, I got a lot of stuff.

Watch.

Okay.

For my family...

Who did... who did that? People! Responsibility.

Okay.

So, for my family genealogy report,

I decided to do it on my great-great-grandfather,

who was a famous man, captain Archibald Witwicky.

Very famous explorer.

In fact, he was one of the first to explore the arctic circle, which is a big deal.

In 1897, he took 41 brave sailors straight into the arctic shelf.

Sailor: Move faster, men! Move! Chop! Heave!

The ice is freezing faster than it's melting! Chop faster! Heave, men!

Heave! No sacrifice, no victory!

We'll get to the arctic circle, lads!

So that's the story, right?

And here we have some of the basic instruments and tools

used by 19th-century seamen.

This here is the quadrant, which you can get for 80 bucks.

It's all for sale, by the way.

Like the sextant here. $50 for this, which is a bargain.

These are pretty cool. These are my grandfather's glasses.

I haven't quite gotten them appraised yet, but they've seen many cool things.

Hosney: Are you going to sell me his liver?

Mr. Witwicky, this isn't show and sell. It's the 11th grade.

I don't think your grandfather would be

particularly proud of what you're doing.

I know. I'm sorry. I just, you know, this is all going towards my car fund.

You can tell your folks. It's on eBay. I take Paypal.

Cold hard cash works, too.

And the compass makes a great gift for Columbus day.

- Sam! - Sorry.

Unfortunately, my great-great-grandfather,

the genius that he was, wound up going blind and crazy in a psycho ward,

drawing these strange symbols

and babbling on about some giant ice man

that he thought he'd discovered.

Hosney: Okay. Might be a pop quiz tomorrow. Might not.

- Sleep in fear tonight. - Here, you want? Here, 50.40? 30?

- Sam? - Yeah. Sorry, sorry.

Okay. Pretty good, right?

I'd say a solid b-.

Ab-?

You were Hawking your great-grandfather's crap

- in my classroom. - No, kids enjoy...

- Look, can you do me a favor? - What?

Can you look out the window for a second? You see my father?

- He's the guy in the green car. - Yeah.

Okay, I wanna tell you about a dream. A boy's dream.

And a man's promise to that boy.

He looked at me in the eye. He said, "son, I'm gonna buy you a car.

"But I want you to bring me $2,000 and three as."

Okay? I got the 2,000 and I got two as.

Okay? Here's the dream. Your b-. Dream gone. Kaput.

Sir, just ask yourself, what would Jesus do?

Yes! Yes, yes.

So?

A-. It's an a, though.

Wait, wait, wait. I can't see. It's an a.

- So I'm good? - You're good.

- I got a little surprise for you, son. - What kind of...

Yeah, a little surprise.

No. No, no, no, no. Dad!

- Oh, you got to be kidding me. - See?

Yeah. I am. You're not getting a Porsche.

- You think that's funny? - Yeah, I think it's funny.

- What's wrong with you? - You think I'd really get you

a Porsche for your first car?

I don't want to talk to you for the rest of this whole thing.

- Oh, come on. It's just a practical joke. - It's not a funny joke.

- Manny! - What?

Get your cousin out of that damn clown suit.

He's having a heat stroke again.

Scaring white folks.

I'm hot! Makeup's melting. It hurts my eyes.

Here? No, no, no, what is this? You said... you said half a car,

not half a piece of crap, dad.

When I was your age, I'd have been happy with four wheels and an engine.

Okay, let me explain something to you. Okay?

- You ever see 40-year-old virgin? - Yeah.

Okay, that's what this is. And this is 50-year-old virgin.

- Okay. - You want me to live that life?

- No sacrifice, no victory. - Yeah, no victory. You know, I got it.

- The old Witwicky motto, dad. - Right.

Gentlemen.

Bobby Bolivia, like the country, except without the runs.

How can I help you?

Well, my son here, looking to buy his first car.

- You come to see me? - I had to.

That practically makes us family. Uncle Bobby b, baby. Uncle Bobby b.

- Sam. - Sam, let me talk to you.

Sam, your first enchilada of freedom awaits underneath one of those hoods.

Let me tell you something, son. A driver don't pick the car.

The car'll pick the driver.

It's a mystical bond between man and machine.

Son, I'm a lot of things, but a liar's not one of them.

Especially not in front of my mammy. That's my mammy. Hey, mammy!

Oh, don't be like that. If I had a rock, I'd bust your head, bitch.

I tell you, man, she deaf, you know?

Well, over here, every piece of car a man might want or need.

This ain't bad.

- This one's got racing stripes. - Yeah.

It got racing...

Yeah, what's this? What the heck is this?

I don't know nothing about this car.

- Manny! - What?