Kombucha

Mom.

Rachel, where are you?

I'm still at work.

We're supposed to get dinner before the show.

I had to stay for a late meeting.

Again?

You know, if you don't stop working so much,

it's going to kill you.

Mom, they're gonna replace me.

Are you kidding me?

After all you've done for them, then I'd say

good riddance to them.

Rachel, are you okay?

Mom, I gotta go.

Rachel, no, no, no.

There you are.

Hey, Kelsey.

Everyone's waiting for you.

I just need a little liquid courage.

It's just a routine pulse check with HR.

What do you think they're gonna do? Come on.

Rachel, have a seat.

Are we ready to get started?

You know what?

I quit.

Rachel?

No, no, no! No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, Rachel!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, that's it for me tonight, y'all. Thank you.

Yeah. Oh my God, babe, you did so good tonight.

-Thanks. -Yeah.

What is it?

That record label guy didn't show.

Oh.

It was all for nothing.

I'm sorry, Luke. It's worth it to me to see you play.

Where does that get me?

Luke, my man.

Andy? Is that you?

It's me.

What the fuck?

What's up, man? Good to see ya.

-How are you? -I'm great.

This is my girlfriend, Elyse.

Hey, what's going on?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. I'm Andy.

Yeah, Andy and I, we were in a band together

back in school.

Pocket change.

Whoa.

Uh, yeah. That was the band's name.

Gotcha.

Can I get you a beer?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah.

-See ya. -Be right back. Yeah.

So I was in LA for a few years,

and I was with some promising bands, but they never took off.

And eventually I just got worn out from the grind.

It's funny, though. I don't miss it.

Really?

Yeah.

Man, gotta say, it's weird seeing you

wind up in the corporate world.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

But this company I'm with,

it's, like, a perfect fit for people like us.

Smart, creative types with unrealized ambition

who just don't know what they're doing with their lives.

Okay.

And I'm a lot happier knowing I don't have to scramble for gigs

just to make rent every month.

And the whole frustration with not making it in music,

that's all gone.

Well, hey, man. I'm happy for you.

We're always looking for new people.

Oh.

I can put in a good word for you.

Uh, what's the pay like?

Entry level starts at 100K.

No experience required.

Mm-hmm.

It's good to see you, Luke.

Yeah, yeah. You too.

Think about it.

Babe, are you coming to bed soon?

Yeah, as soon as I finish this.

Luke, I've got to be up in five hours.

Yeah, I'll be quick.

Do you think you'll follow up with Andy about that job?

Uh, is this your way of telling me you think I should?

I don't know, it just sounded like a good opportunity,

don't you think?

And what about my music?

You could still do it on the side.

How much drawing have you done

since you started working at the lab?

I'm gonna get back to it soon, okay?

Yeah. You've been saying that for years.

I haven't really had the time, you know.

But my job is what lets me afford this apartment,

which you seem to be enjoying more than yours right now.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I just-- I think I'm in a bad mood

from the record label guy flaking, okay?

Okay. It's not just tonight, though, is it?

What do you mean?

Look, I get that music is your dream,

but it doesn't seem to make you happy.

It really just makes you hard to be around.

I can't help it that I want more out of life than...

this.

This?

I'm sorry. Do you have any idea how hurtful

that is to say to me?

I didn't mean you, obviously.

No, it's not obvious, Luke.

You know, I think I need a break from you right now.

I think you should go back to your place.

Come on. Let's just-- Let's talk about this, okay?

El!

Fuck. Fuck.

Okay.

Fuck.

-Hi. Welcome. -Hey.

Welcome to the team. It's so nice to meet you.

Thank you. Nice to meet you as well.

Have a look around if you'd like.

Wow.

Can I grab you anything? Water? Kombucha?

I'm good, but thank you.

Someone will be with you shortly.

Sounds good.

"Success starts with a symbiotic culture,

like our original SCOBY for our designer kombucha."

Ugh. It's like living mucus.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Uh, yeah, you could say that.

You know, legend has it she's descended from a SCOBY

the Dalai Lama gave Jesuit missionaries over 300 years ago.

Or maybe the Jesuits stole it from the Dalai Lama.

I can never remember.

Kelsey Rhodes, managing director of our consulting team.

Luke Merritt. Nice to meet you.

Shall we?

Yeah.

So, this is our space.

Thank you.

Please, sit.

Yeah.

We are so thrilled to have you join the Symbio team.

Oh, wait, I thought--

Don't I have to, like, interview?

Andy's recommendation is enough for me.

We like to start with a one- month probationary period,

but candidates with referrals almost always blend right in.

You can start today, assuming that our terms

are to your approval.

Uh, yeah. Wow, that's--

This is amazing.

Excellent. We can finish the paperwork later.

Now, how much has Andy told you about what we do here?

Uh, not much.

He just said this is a great place for the smart,

creative type.

Mhm. One of the great tragedies of our time is how

the underemployed liberal arts majors are toiling away

in menial jobs, distracted by dreams of stardom,

when they really have no chance of success.

Meanwhile, the corporate world

is run by finance and engineering majors

with zero imagination or empathy.

But we've cracked the code on how creatives can thrive

and inject new life into stagnant businesses.

And we practice what we preach.

Okay, so what exactly will I be doing?

As a culture consultant, you'll diagnose the deficiencies

in our clients' existing cultures.

Then you'll prescribe a blend of our proprietary work rituals

to suit their needs and, of course,

sell them on our secret weapon.

Secret weapon?

You've already seen it.

Our in-house, designer kombucha,

which started as someone's fun side project until we realized

the incredible benefits.

Imagine:

Every employee working with peak energy and laser focus,

with no jitters or crashing.

Their gut biome and body chemistry perfectly synced

from drinking kombucha designed just for their company.

Team unity at a cellular level, a true symbiosis

between employees and their organization--

no matter what major they had in college.

But what if they don't like kombucha?

Believe it or not,

we've never run into that problem before.

Everybody gets on board eventually.