Mall Time Crooks

Uh, excuse me?

Ma'am, you're in the wrong house.

Ha. Ha.

Your Mom suggested I treat myself for my birthday.

So, you bought yourself a skirt?

Your father's gonna play a round of golf in Scotland

and the kilt is traditional dress.

Hm, traditionally, you should shave your legs

before you wear a dress.

What the kids mean to say is...

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Aw, it means so much to me that your Mom made you say it.

Well, I'd better get going so I don't miss my tee time.

Thunderman, away! -

Man skirt! Nobody look up!

Okay, your Dad's gonna be gone all day.

That gives us time to set up the perfect party

and make up for last year.

I'm sorry, Hank.

I thought fish was supposed to smell like this.

Happy Birthday, Dad...

I know this is kind of weird,

but I really want fish sticks right now.

Don't worry, Mom. Max and I wanna do our part this year.

Yeah, I guess the big guy does deserve one birthday

that doesn't end up on a stretcher.

Billy, Nora and I will handle the cake,

gift-wrapping and decorations.

I'll blow up the rubber bubbles.

Don't you mean balloons?

Balloons!

All I need from you two

is to pick up your Dad's birthday watch at the mall.

That's it? - Zip it, Phoebe.

They have three things to do. We only have one.

And don't get distracted at the mall.

Be back as soon as you can

and remember the party's a surprise.

Surprise!

Whose turn is it to explain things to Billy?

Looks like I'm up. See you guys in a few hours.

So, that was women's perfume

that girl sprayed you with.

Yeah, for the second time, I realize that.

Well, at least we got Dad's watch.

Yeah, with time to spare--

which is why I called Oyster.

What's up, dude? - Hey!

You smell like my nana.

Well, then, your nana smells great.

Max, I can't believe you called Oyster

when Mom wanted us home as soon as possible.

Hey, Phoebe, got your text.

Texting's not calling.

Besides, we know how to navigate the mall.

Guys get distracted by the littlest--

Ear Blasters!

Ear Blasters?

They're the most awesomest headphones ever.

Yeah!

They have 18-micro speakers that use

your eardrums as real drums.

Ten out of ten doctors do not recommend 'em.

Ear Blasters are impossible to find, but they're here.

They're only $80.

Fine. Half an hour, Max.

We can't be late for Dad's party.

I cannot wait to wear those

so I cannot hear her any more.

All right, we have time for two stores,

the food court and the carousel.

Carousel? - I'm just kidding.

Unless you want to.

I kinda want to!

Oh, great, Madison is here.

That spoiled snob is so fake.

Hi, Madison! - Hi, girls!

Hm... - Mmm...

Is that a Sarah Finn bag?

I didn't know they opened a store here.

Oh, sweetie, of course you didn't.

It's very high class.

And you're more...

gym class.

I'm sure the Denim Dungeon's having a sale.

Hasta.

Well, we know where we're going.

The carousel? - Sarah Finn.

No, Ashley, we have to go to that store

and prove to Madison that we're just as good as she is.

Then we'll go to the...

carousel. - Denim Dungeon?

Okay, we need to get on the same page here.

I did it and it's not upside down this time.

Good boy. Who wants a treat?

Nora, we talked about this.

Billy is not a dog.

Not helping, sweetie.

You guys, the place looks great.

At this rate, we'll be done way before your Dad gets home.

Alert! Alert!

Your Dad is home. - BARB:

He's early!

Oh, if he sees this, the surprise will be ruined.

Hide the decorations.

On it!

Mom, the cake! - Oh!

Hey! I'm covered in cake!

Hey, I'm covered in cake!

Hank, what happened?

They closed the course due to bad weather

and on the way home, I was struck by lightning--

twice!

I thought lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.

Tell that to Dad's butt.

Y-You can't sit down.

After a lightning strike,

the last place you should be is inside.

You mean where there isn't lightning?

Well, it's just that you're full of electricity.

It's not safe for the kids.

Don't you want us to be safe, Daddy?

Yeah, don't you love us?

Guys, relax. I am perfectly--

HANK: Whoa!

Was that me? - Yes. Yes.

We should get you outside

until the electricity leaves your body.

Put the decorations back.

On it.

Oops.

Right, one more dollar and those Ear Blasters are mine.

Why isn't this thing taking my last dollar?

Because your face is on it.

Oh, it's a Max Buck.

Wonder why these things never caught on?

Maybe because there's a bunny on the back.

Here, spot me a real dollar.

No can do, bro.

I threw all my change in that pond.

I wished you'd get those headphones.

Oh, man, I said it out loud.

Now you're not gonna get 'em.

Guard the machine. I'll be right back.

Heh, heh, it's like stealing candy from a baby.

Shhhh...

Check it out.

I feel like royalty.

Phoebe, we can't afford anything in this store.

These socks are $300.

Perfect!

Relax, I'm not gonna buy this.

We're just gonna try on the nice clothes,

hide the tags and then take selfies.

Here. -

Then we'll post our glam pics

and prove to Madison she was wrong about us.

Even though I have worn this in gym class.

Hello?

Sorry, we get this all the time.

The Denim Dungeon has moved downstairs.

This is a Sarah Finn store now.

I'll just hang these back up for you.

That was rude.

He doesn't know us.

You're right. He doesn't.

Pardon me, sir,

but we are still undecided about those garments.

Excuse me?

I am Lady Pipi Whiffenpouf and this is...

Lady Gaga.

No relation.

We are wealthy heiresses from jolly old England.

Really?

But if we're not welcome here,

perhaps we should take our business elsewhere.

Uh, don't be silly.

Uh, London is my favorite city.

I love Piccadilly Circus.

Ah, well, then Piccadilly us more outfits.

Right away.

Uh, ladies, some treats for our special guests.

If you need anything at all, just ask.

Oh... - Ah...

Lady Gaga? - Lady Whiffleball.

Close enough. Woo!

I just sent two teenagers to the mall.