Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

Way back in 2011, Acura decided they were going to build a brand-new sports car,

and they wanted to announce it on the 2012 Super Bowl.

I'll hit on the boat walk now.

They asked me to write the commercial.

Are you in the mood for coffee?

So I asked my friend, comedy legend from Super Dave and Curb Your Enthusiasm, Bob Einstein, to help me.

It was a smash, and six years later, the NSX is here.

Amazingly, Acura also included a free NSX for me as part of the deal.

I told Bob all about this, and he thought it was great.

Wow!

But I have a lot of cars and didn′t really need it.

And all this time, as I′ve been waiting, Bob has been asking me if he could have it.

Are you going to get me that car?

Do you still want the car?

Yes, absolutely.

I better get that car.

Hey, don′t forget about the car.

Am I going to get the Acura?

Because I′m going to change my attitude if I′m not.

Finally, my 2017 NSX in Nord grey with the saddle interior rolled off the line,

and I′m headed to Bob′s house with the car to give it to him as a surprise.

Maybe.

Hello.

Hi, Bob.

It′s Jerry.

Hi, Jer.

How are you?

Great.

How are you?

I am so excited to be doing Comedians in Cars again.

You are the first guest ever to do a second appearance.

This is gonna be a fun show.

Everything's gonna be great.

I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

I don't know what to say.

You wouldn't do that.

I mean, why would you do that?

I did it.

You did that?

Well... Are you giving it to me?

Well...

Why do you have a ribbon on it if you're not giving it to me?

I might.

It kind of depends on how the show goes today.

I've never heard of a gif like that.

Yes, it's unusual.

It is unusual.

I've got one question.

What?

The guy who gave Kim Jong-UN his haircut when he spun him around the chair to look,

how quickly do you think his head was taken off?

How do you like the car?

It's pretty great, isn't it?

It's spectacular.

Yeah, it really has a great feel to it.

It's spectacular.

Yeah, I like it.

But I don't have it yet, so I can't get to it.

No, you don't.

I really don't.

Okay, you have two talk show stories.

I got two.

One, Leno calls me.

Guy drops out.

Can I come over and do the show?

Right.

So I come, and on my first story, there's supposed to be

bigoted stories for kids to read the time of the night.

What are you talking about?

I did this Tonight Show with Leno.

I didn't know that.

I heard that part.

Filled in.

All right.

I†m telling you what I did.

Why do you read bigoted stories?

That†s what I said up there.

And I got a book that says bigoted stories for children.

First story I tell is Italian Irishman and a Polish gentleman are waiting for the electric chair.

Morton calls them up one at a time.

The Irishman, he says, make your last statement, sit down and take it like a man.

Irishman says, I†m innocent.

He says, sit down.

Pulls the lever.

Nothing happened.

He says, that†s a billion to one.

Get out of here.

Italian.

I†m just happy you†re here when the Italian comes up.

What†s your final statement?

He says, same thing.

I†m an idiot.

He says, sit down.

Pulls the lever.

Nothing happens.

He says, that†s ten billion to one.

Jablonski, you†re next.

Povock comes up.

He says, what†s your final statement?

He says, first of all, that chair†s unplugged.

Okay, then I†m going to give you this one.

If you want.

It†s another one.

If you want it.

If you want to take a breath.

You want the car so badly.

I†m so excited about the car.

I†m on the Letterman Show, and I†ve got another book, and

it†s, it†s, it†s jokes that I don†t think should be in public.

Inappropriate.

Poor taste.

Offensive.

Yes.

And the first thing is, two guys at a bar, one guy drinks too much, throws up in his shirt.

Right.

What am I gonna do now?

My wife†s gonna†.

He says, don†t worry about it.

Tell her someone else got drunk, throw up in your shirt, and put $10 in your pocket to get it clean.

I†m putting 10 in there right now.

Right.

He said, "You†re brilliant!' He goes home."

He says, "I†m home!' She starts screaming at him."

He said, "Just a minute."

It wasn†t me.

This guy at a bar got sick, threw up in my shirt.

I had to prove it.

He put $10 right in there to get it clean.

She reaches in.

She says, "There†s $20 here." He said, "I know.

He also my pants.".

So far, this is a good show.

Really good.

Yeah.

Really good.

I mean, I don†t see too much being cut out to you.

Do you know how beautiful this car is?

Do you like it?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's the Acura NSX.

It's really nice.

The value of the Acura dealer.

How much is it?

It's for you?

Yeah.

I'm gonna have a hot chocolate.

What are you, nine?

Tell me how you got in the show business.

My father died when I was very young.

How old?

14 and a half.

He was 54.

He was at a Lucille Baldez-Arnaz roast.

And he was a comedian.

Brilliant.

Brilliant comedian.

Harry Einstein.

Had a radio show, smash show for years, just about to get a television show.

He gets up at the Lucille Baldez-Arnaz roast in Beverly Hills, kills the audience.

Wow.

Sat down and died of a heart attack.

I hear about it on the radio in the morning.

Right.

So, I† Are we good?

I† It†s a lot of† Okay.

I†m just concerned about the sound.

I just got to telling this story that almost makes me cry, and you turn to asswipe and say, are we good?

That†s okay.

You got the saying.

Let†s make sure it†s on tape, because I go, oh, I go on with your story.

Is this a gag?

Thank you.

Yeah.

Is that coffee?

Yes, sir.

I can wash my feet in there.

Could you get someone to help me lift this?

What the is this?

I don′t know.

There′s no diving board.

If you turn around in your chair and lean back, I′ll wash your hair.

But you can′t talk to anyone.

I can′t talk to another kid about my father dying when he′s saying,

I got to go because I′m going to play catch with my dad.

That′s so sad.

Is it possible to make any more noise in here?

Can we rebuild the place?

What a great place to come.

Tell what happened at the funeral, then.

At the funeral, Milton Berle and George Jessel.

Because your father′s a comedian, so all his friends are comedians.

They did their act.

Berle did his jokes.

George Jessel did his jokes at my dad′s funeral.

And I hated it so much.

You hated show business.

I hated it.

Right.

I hate it.

I understand that.