The Replacements

Hike!

Martel!

Martel, you're a wimp!

I can't believe that. Martel goes for a give-up slide.

-It did look cautious. -I could have scored on that!

It may be the last play of the season.

The player's strike became official...

...at 4p.m. Eastern Time.

I'm sad that the players' demands, which center around...

...a rise in the current salary cap, were rejected by the owners.

I have told my union brothers to walk.

Get me Jimmy McGinty! Have him here tonight.

Yes, sir.

I'm here with Eddie Martel.

A lot of angry fans out there feel that the players are being too greedy.

Any comments?

Dwight, I know $5 million a year sounds like a lot of money...

...but I have to pay 10% to my agent, 5% to my lawyer--

Do you know what insurance costs on a Ferrari, mother--

Pat, back to you.

That was Washington running back Malcolm Lamont.

It's all about money, folks, but isn't it always?

Yes. This is Pat Summerall for John Madden saying...

...so long from Nextel Stadium.

-You look like shit. -I'm dying, Jimmy.

Come on.

You've been dying for 20 years.

-Give me a cigarette. -I quit.

Nobody likes a quitter.

-See the game today? -No.

Why, you liar.

Could you believe that slide by Martel?

What a pussy.

-What's up? -Take a ride with me.

How's the wife?

She had her lips done.

I never even knew you could have your lips done.

Looks like a largemouth bass.

I'm too old to screw around. Let me give it to you straight.

I want you back.

-You already have a coach. -I'll take care of it.

-Like you took care of me. -Now, Jimmy...

Your players all flew home to their castles...

...in their private jets.

We're gonna finish the season anyway.

I'm gonna use replacement players.

-Jeez, what a business. -We got 4 games left.

We win three, we're in the playoffs.

Really? Win three out of four with replacement players?

That's not too much to ask.

You won for me once, you can do it again.

What's the matter, Jimmy?

Nobody's gonna give you a better chance than this...

...after that Dallas mess.

-I was right about that. -It had nothing to do with being right!

Went head-to-head with an $8 million quarterback.

Who did you think was gonna win? That's not gonna happen here!

I'm talking about a team of poor nobodies who play to win.

Not a bunch of bitchy millionaires.

Come on, Jimmy!

I'm thinking.

Hello!

Hello!

I want total control of my team.

I want to be able to recruit anybody that I want, no interference.

My word is my bond.

I want it in writing.

Okay, Jimmy.

Okay.

We thought we'd skip special teams for now.

It'll be tough enough to put together a team in a week.

-We're gonna go a different way. -A different way?

Here's a list of people I've been watching over the years.

They've all played football, not all of them in the pros.

But they all have something unique to bring.

We'll take them and try to put together a winning team.

If nothing else, they should be fun to watch.

Daniel Bateman, SWAT team officer.

Awarded a Purple Heart for losing a kidney during the Gulf War.

A walk-on at Michigan State before he gave up football...

...to sneak back into the service for one more tour of duty.

Clifford Franklin.

Great attitude, great desire, and the fastest son of a bitch I've ever seen.

Clifford! Twinkie!

What's up, man? Got any Twinkies?

Can he catch?

That's why I have you.

André and Jamal Jackson.

Together, these guys are the best tandem team of guards in the game.

-You're kidding me! -André got traded and they fell apart.

He ain't our problem no more. We gonna play football.

-Football? -Football.

Nigel Gruff.

Striker out of Cardiff, now residing in Hell's Kitchen.

He's "The Leg" because he can kick a soccer ball the length of the field.

Gentlemen...

...the drinks are on the house!

Bollocks!

Pissing away our money again?

-No, the money's on the way. -Where? To the OTB?

I got a winning horse! I swear on my mum's grave!

Your mother's grave? He's swearing on his mother's grave!

Nigel, listen. I want my money!

-Has he kept in shape? -By Welsh standards.

Shane Falco.

Shane Falco? "Footsteps" Falco, from Ohio State?

The same.

-He hasn't played in years. -Should be well rested then.

You look like a swordfish I caught once.

He hit the deck just like that.

-You know who I am? -Yeah.

You're Jimmy McGinty.

That old coach from the '80s.

We met just before the Sugar Bowl.

I remember.

Hell of a game, that Sugar Bowl.

-What'd you lose that by? 40 points? -That would be 45.

A game like that sticks with you. You never shake it off.

-Got 3 concussions to prove it. -That's why girls don't play.

Why are you here, coach?

Back with the Sentinels. I want you as quarterback.

I found the best guards and a wide receiver...

...even you couldn't overthrow.

-I'm retired. -Retired?

It looks like things have gone real well for you since.

I got no complaints.

It's quiet here.

Nobody bothers me.

The great thing about plankton is, it pretty much keeps to itself.

You know what separates the winners from the losers?

The score.

Getting back up after being kicked in the teeth.

I watched films of your games since the Sugar Bowl.

You shouldn't have been trying to carry the whole team that first year.

Your teammates leaned on you and you crumbled.

-Is that how you want to be remembered? -I don't want to be remembered at all.

If you do well, who knows what'll happen after the strike.

I'm not making you any promises, but why don't you take a chance?

Rather than scraping crap off the bottom of somebody else's toys?

Think it over.

You could be part of something.

Football fans, what the owners are doing is absolutely unconscionable.

They have blatantly hired scabs.

Which goes against our Constitution, the Declaration of Independence...

...and the Emancipation Proclamation. Here come the scabs now!

That's Eddie Martel!

That's Wilson Carr!

Hey, Wilson!

I love you, man! What's happening?

I love you, man!

I'm gonna bust a cap in your ass! And your ass!

Piss off!

Piss off!

Get that bible out of here!

Sorry about this.

Put God in your heart!

I'm very sorry.

Get a job, you wankers!

Looking good out there! You've got the goods, you've got the goods!

Where did you learn to catch like that?

Roberts, make that D-back commit before you cut, all right?

Jimmy.

-My tight end is deaf. -Yeah, I know.

Jimmy, how am I gonna coach a deaf man?

You won't need to.

Brian Murphy would've gone in the first round if he wasn't deaf.

Played college ball here in D.C. at Gallaudet.

But I got to be able to communicate with him and how...

Learn to sign.

Oh, horseshit!

Look at it this way, he'll never be called offsides on an audible.

-Good to see you. -You too.

-How are you? -Good, good.

This is "The Leg"?

I thought you told me he was solid muscle.

He's much stronger than he looks.

I'm wiry.

Go get some kicks in.

He's "wiry."

"Wiry."

You've been briefed as to your situation.

Coach McGinty wanted you with us for 5 weeks...

...and the governor's complied.

Nice watch.

What?

Oh, this?

It's a fake.

Damn thing's always broken.

It's only right twice a day.

Why don't we join the others?

No sense standing here by ourselves...

...out of screaming distance.

-Come on, let's fire out of there! -Jimmy.

-Falco, when's he coming? -Relax, he'll be here.

Come on, quick feet!

I am relaxed, but that's not the point. It's nervous energy.

Case in point, we don't have a quarterback, do we?

-Fire out of there! -We don't have a game plan for Sunday.

And the only good thing I can say about our offensive weapon is...

...it's wiry. What the shit is that?