The Office

Oh, damn.

Lost another file.

Gonna have to reboot... again.

Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?

What do you think?

In school, we learned about this scientist

who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell

by feeding them whenever a bell rang.

So for the past couple weeks

I've been conducting a similar experiment.

Dwight, want an Altoid?

Okay.

Altoid?

Sure.

Altoid?

Yes.

What are you doing?

I...

What?

I don't know, I...

Oh, my mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.

Ugh.

Always the bridesmaids.

Right, ladies?

Okay, for this next one, everybody hop out.

Just Phyllis and Dad.

Actually, let's bring Mom back in.

And the sisters.

And you and you and you.

Great.

Phyllis is getting married.

And I am in the wedding party.

She has asked me

to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle.

So basically, I am co-giving away the bride.

Since I pay her salary,

it is like I am paying for the wedding.

Which I'm happy to do.

It's a big day for Phyllis.

But it's an even bigger day for me.

Employer of the bride.

Yes, I put Michael in my wedding.

It was the only way I could think

to get six weeks off for my honeymoon.

No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.

Phyllis ended up using the exact same invitations

as Roy and me.

So it was kind of like being invited

to my own wedding.

And I was like, wait...

I thought I called that off.

So, what's in the box?

A toaster. You?

Uh, toaster.

Unbelievable.

Hello, Angela.

You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.

Thank you.

Don't linger. Break left.

Left.

The Schrutes have their own traditions.

We usually marry standing in our own graves.

Makes the funerals very romantic.

But the weddings are a bleak affair.

Those flowers are nice.

Yeah. "P and R?"

"Phyllis and Robert."

Ah, of course.

Also "Pam and Roy."

There she is!

I swear, Phyllis, you are as beautiful

as the first day you started work

at Dunder-Mifflin.

Thanks, Michael. That's sweet.

Same as when you said it outside.

Mm, how you doing?

You excited?

Yes, very.

Me too.

If, um... if you need to vomit, that is okay.

I did.

Do you want to talk about tonight?

No.

Because I know you're probably worried

about pleasing Bob.

A lot of pressure.

Phyllis, did you break wind?

It's okay if you did.

It's a very natural reaction.

It's your wedding and you're nervous.

Um, that wasn't me.

Okay.

Um...

I'm sure that Bob...

wow, that is...

that is pungent.

Um, I lost my train of thought.

Uh...

are you set on that hairstyle?

I thought it was...

Here, let me...

Michael, no.

Just cover up that bald patch.

No, Michael.

Please, I just need some time alone.

Okay, okay.

You might be surprised to learn

that I have only been to one other wedding.

It's actually a very cute story.

My mom was marrying Jeff

and they asked me to be ring bearer.

And I was understandably emotional

and somehow my pants became wet.

I hate you!

Long story short...

Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer.

And the irony is that after the ceremony,

that dog peed on everything.

And nobody said boo.

Why are all these people here?

There's too many people on this earth.

We need a new plague.

Who are all these people?

You know what?

I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers. No way.

Did you ever see that movie? Of course I saw it.

I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally.

I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man

and went into the wrong theater.

After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater.

But I kept waiting.

Because that's the thing about bear attacks...

They come when you least expect it.

You know, I just wish...

I wish I had the investigative powers

to actually smoke some of these guys out,

you know?

Once again, Jim... I will take care of this.

I will locate the wedding crashers

and report them to Phyllis.

That way I won't have to get her a gift.

Hi, I'm Kevin.

Where'd you find her?

At the gym.

Right.

The gym!

Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.

I thought you're not supposed

to wear white to a wedding.

I know, but there was an emergency.

I look really good in white.

This strapping young lad sitting here

is Phyllis' father, Elbert.

And he is quite the ladies' man,

aren't you, Elbert, huh?

Ah, ring bearer.

I could've done better.

I will do better.

I am going to be better.

Can't believe I'm actually doing this.

Are you ready for this, Elbert?

I am.

Let's do it!

That's my dress.

No, no, it's okay.

It's...

It's a miracle.

This is bull.

Me walking Phyllis down the aisle

was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding.

And now... the wedding has no highlight.

I can't believe I pushed that...

that guy's lazy ass around all day

until he was ready to stand up

and steal the show.

That's...

well, I got news for you, Elbert...

if that's your real name...

the show's not over.

Phyllis and Bob, Bob and Phyllis...

And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance

of Vance Refrigeration

to be your lawfully wedded husband.

I do.

Ladies and gentlemen!

May I present to you,

for the first time as a couple,

Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!

And do you, Bob, take Phyllis

Oh, shh...

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

You may now kiss the bride.

Ladies and gentlemen!

For the first time as a couple,

Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!

Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about!

Congratulations, Phyllis.

Oh, thank you.