Ninotchka

Is there anything I can do for you, monsieur?

No. No, no.

Yes, monsieur?

Just looking around.

Comrades, why should we lie to each other? It's wonderful.

Let's be honest. Have we anything like it in Russia?

No.

Can you imagine what the beds would be in a hotel like that?

They tell me when you ring once, the valet comes in.

When you ring twice, you get a waiter.

And do you know what happens when you ring three times?

A maid comes in. A French maid.

Comrades, if we ring nine times-- Let's go in.

Just a minute.

I have nothing against the idea, but I still say...

...let's go back to the Hotel Terminus.

Moscow made our reservations there. We are on an official mission...

...and we have no right to change the orders of our superiors.

Where is your courage, Buljanoff?

Are you the Buljanoff who fought on the barricades?

Now you are afraid to take a room with a bath?

-I don't want to go to Siberia. -I don't want to go to Hotel Terminus.

And I don't want to....

-No, no. -Listen to me.

Look, Buljanoff, if Lenin were alive, he would say:

"Buljanoff, comrade, for once in your life, you're in Paris.

Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times."

He wouldn't say that.

What he would say is: "You can't afford to live in a cheap hotel.

Doesn't the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean anything to you?

Do you want to live in a hotel...

...where you press for the hot water and cold comes...

...and when you press for cold water, nothing comes at all?"

Phooey, Buljanoff.

I still say our place is with the common people.

But who am I to contradict Lenin? Let's go in.

-Are you the manager? -Yes, monsieur.

Pardon me for introducing Comrade Iranoff...

-...member of the Russian Board of Trade. -Monsieur.

-This is Comrade Kopalski. -Monsieur.

-And I am Comrade Buljanoff. -Monsieur.

May I ask you how much your rooms are?

Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high.

Why should you be afraid? Heh.

I might be able to accommodate you.

-Is there some more luggage? Yes.

But have you a safe big enough to hold this?

I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in the vault...

-...but there's a suite with a private safe. -That's even better.

-But, gentlemen, I'm afraid-- -He's always afraid.

I just wanted to explain.

The apartment may suit your convenience...

...but I doubt whether it will fit your convictions.

-It's the royal suite. -The royal suite?

Just a minute.

Comrades, I warn you, if it gets out in Moscow that we stay in the royal suite...

...we'll get into terrible trouble.

We just tell them we had to do it on account of the safe.

That's a perfect excuse. There was no other safe big enough.

-That's right. -That's fine.

Of course, we could take out the pieces...

...and distribute them in three or four boxes in the vault...

...and take a small room.

-That's an idea, isn't it? -Yes, that's an idea.

But who said we have to have an idea?

-That's right. Ha-ha-ha. -That's very good.

-Give us the royal suite. -Step this way, please.

Hello.

Please connect me with Mercier. Yes, the jeweler.

Hell--? Hello? No, I want to speak to Monsieur Mercier personally.

Yes.

Hello, Monsieur Mercier?

This is Iranoff, member of the Russian Board of Trade.

Yes, we arrived this morning. Oh, thank you very, very much.

Yes, we have everything here. The necklace too.

All 14 pieces at the.... What?

No, Monsieur Mercier.

The court jewels of the Grand Duchess Swana consisted of 14 pieces.

Why don't you check on that?

Of course, we have all the necessary credentials.

Will you take care of the royal suite? I'll be back in 10 minutes.

-All right, Rakonin. -Thank you very much. Thank you.

-8 rue de Chalon. -Yeah, monsieur.

-Hello, Leon. -Morning, Swana.

It's really a wretched morning. Wretched. I can't get myself right.

I wanted to look mellow and I look brittle.

My face doesn't compose well. It's all highlights.

How can I dim myself down, Leon? Suggest something.

Oh, I'm so bored with this face. I wish I had someone else's face.

Whose face would you have if you had your choice?

Oh, well, I guess one gets the face one deserves.

There's one marvelous advantage to your conversation.

However many questions you ask, you never expect an answer.

-Don't you find that restful? -Mm-hm.

-Good morning, darling. -Good morning.

-Why didn't you come last night? -Darling, I was looking after your interests.

Did you win?

We can forget horse racing, roulette, everything.

Our worries are over. You remember the platinum watch with the diamond numbers?

-You'll be in a position to give it to me now. -Oh, darling, you're so good to me.

We could be rich, if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night.

-Those awful newspaper people? -You'd be surprised...

-...how many nice people dine with the Guizots. -Gruesome proof of the power of the press.

I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs...

-...in the Gazette Parisienne. -What?

The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana.

Oh, Leon.

We won't have to worry about our future if you're willing to raffle off your past.

Come in.

Count Rakonin asks the privilege of a few words, Your Highness.

-Rakonin? -He's a waiter at the Clarence, poor devil.

-You know him. -Oh, yes.

I won't be able to see him for half an hour.

The count says if it could be as soon as possible.

It's luncheon time, and he's just between courses.

I'll see him right away.

-l can't get myself right today-- -Count Rakonin's between courses.

-My little Volga, mwah, boatman. -Mm.

-How do you do, my friend? Won't you sit? -Your Highness.

-Your Highness, forgive this intrusion-- -Have you lost your job?

No, madame. Something of the utmost importance.

-It concerns your jewels. -My jewels?

I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar...

...I had the honor of being on guard.

I still see you bending before His Majesty. You wore your diadem and a necklace.

-Why do you bring this up now? -They are here. Your jewels, here in Paris.

-Alexis, do you know what you're saying? -This morning, three Soviet agents arrived.

I overheard a telephone conversation with Mercier, the jeweler.

-They're going to sell them. -Did I hear something about jewels?

Rakonin has just given me the most amazing news.

You know Count d'Algout. I must call my lawyer at once.

-I'm sorry, Your Highness. I have to leave. -Thank you. I'll get in touch with you.

-Hello. Balzac, 2769. -AuU revoir.

Au revoir.

This is Swana.

I want to speak to Monsieur Cornillon. It's very important. Get him right away.

Hello, Monsieur Cornillon? The most incredible thing has happened. My jewels are in Paris.

Three Bolshevik swine are trying to sell them.

Yes. Yes.

Now, we must act immediately. Call the police, have them arrested.

Well, then get an injunction.

But do something, Monsieur Cornillon!

But they are my jewels.

There must be some way of getting them back.

-What does he say? -But how can there be a question?

Are you my lawyer or theirs?

Oh.

It's all right. Yes, all right, I will call you later.

-What did he say? -They're pretty hopeless.

There may be a chance, that's all.

The French government has recognized Soviet Russia...

...and he doubts they will risk a war for my poor sake.

He might be able to make up some kind of a case, but it would cost money.

Money, money, that's all they are interested in, those lawyers.

Darling, calm down, calm down. Why do you need a lawyer?

Haven't you your little Volga boatman?

Very good, excellent, superb.

It'd be foolish to belittle the quality of the merchandise...

-...but your terms are impossible. -My counteroffer is the maximum.

But Monsieur Mercier--

Gentlemen, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

We are undertaking this deal only because of the prestige involved.

-And, frankly, we're expected to take a loss. -Capitalistic methods.

They accumulate millions by taking loss after loss.

This is Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski.

Who? Count d'Algout?

No, that must be a mistake.

No, we can't be disturbed.

No else one can meet the figure named by my syndicate.

-Not under the present economic conditions. -We can wait.

Do we give the impression of people who are pressed for money?

Yes.

Let's put our cards on the table.

Right now, there's a Russian commission in New York...

...trying to sell 15 Rembrandts.

There's another mortgaging the oil fields in Baku.

You need money quickly.

My offer is a very fair one, and doesn't even take advantage of your situation.

Just a minute.

-Now, listen-- -Just a minute.

-The pieces are all registered. -I know. Thank you so much. Ha-ha-ha.

-He is cutting our throat. -What can we do? We have to accept.

Comrades, comrades, don't let's give in so quickly.

After all, we have to uphold the prestige of Russia.

All right, let's uphold it for another 10 minutes.

Yeah.

-We don't want to be disturbed. -My name is d'Algout. I telephoned.

You must come in later.

-I want a word with Mercier. You can't come in.

Monsieur Mercier, may I introduce myself? I'm Leon d'Algout.

I think had the pleasure of meeting you in your shop.

I was admiring the platinum watch with the diamond numbers.

-Yes, of course. -You remember, I....

Oh. Glorious, aren't they?

-You have no right. -I did not permit you to come in.

I hope you haven't closed this deal.

-It might bring you into trouble. -Who are you and what do you want?

Those jewels are property of the Grand Duchess Swana and were seized illegally.

I am acting for Her Highness. Here is my power of attorney.

You know, Monsieur Mercier, this is all nonsense.