Rooster

You okay?

It's just so sad.

Rudolph?

They're just all making fun of his nose. Like, so what if he's different?

And Santa saying he can't be part of the team?

Like he's so perfect?

Santa's a fat fuck.

Hey. Come here.

Hey, how'd your Thanksgiving go?

- Good. - Good?

You write stories for a living, Greg.

- Do better. - Good to see you, Walt.

It was fine. Katie and I were here.

The only bummer was that she was a little bothered by something.

She really wouldn't tell me what it was. And she was kind of sad.

Oh, I love the whipped cream on the bottom.

How many of those do you have a week?

It is not your problem, it is my problem, and I never want to fix it.

Hey, just a quick heads up there, Greg.

Cristle's back if you wanna say hi or something.

How's she doing?

You know what, I'll talk to her later.

- Thanks, Walt. - Yeah.

- Are you avoiding me? - Oh!

Hi. No, I was actually just coming to see you.

Oh, no, we don't have to do any of that, Greg.

In fact, I've made a list of ground rules

so we can navigate our last eight days as coworkers.

Okay.

No tight khakis in the office or crotch-defining casual slacks.

Alright, I think that applies more to me than to you.

- I'll be doing it, too. - Okay. Alright.

No acts of chivalry to make me swoon.

I'm still going to be nice to you.

'Kay.

No smiling or showing any tongue around the office.

- This one's important to me. - Sure. No smiling.

I don't know if I've ever shown tongue around the office.

Well, anytime you open your mouth, you're showing your tongue.

Okay, I will...

Yeah, you got it.

I'm gonna leave now, so please don't undress me with your eyes.

I will do my best.

- You're doing it. - I kind of am.

As I'm sure you all remember, the name of this class

is "The Art of the Page-Turner."

So, a lot of the notes that you're getting on these

has to do with that first chapter, engaging the audience.

I wrote a book called Swamp Blossom.

In it, Rooster receives a letter from an old flame and it says,

"Letting you go was the biggest mistake that I ever made.

But if you're reading this right now, I'm probably dead." Thoughts?

Dude, who writes a letter?

Yeah, and why didn't she finish it and explain it more?

Maybe she was in danger.

But she still had time to buy a stamp and mail it?

Oh, no.

A lot of old people already have stamps.

What's wrong with stamps?

It makes sense if you read it. It's actually an awesome book.

Tommy, I can't tell you how great it is

to have you in this class participating again.

Mm, you never say anything

- when I participate. - I know.

Here you go.

A-minus.

That's it for today.

Get to work on those revisions. That is for you.

Check it. Adderall and Celsius.

- Works every time. - Every time.

- See ya, Grg. - See ya.

Are we good?

I have this psych major helping me visualize you

without any sex organs.

Just a blank, hairless front.

Okay, I would like to help you get back on track with your other classes.

Yeah, I mean, I need it.

My office? 3 p.m. sharp?

- Right on. - Right on.

That's for you.

You got some work to do.

I absolutely love this vest. Thank you.

The neoprene raises your core body temperature by 12%.

Plus, it makes your guns look good.

I'd wear it to dinner.

Any updates on all things Biotecha? You any closer to a decision?

Moving to New York is complicated.

And Archie's shown

that he's a little more invested in the baby.

He even put together a list of pretentious British names.

Though I personally would not have a son or daughter named Robin.

- Who would? - But if he's not gonna be super involved,

I should just take the job and move, right?

Do you mind if I quote Theodore Roosevelt?

I'd prefer it if you do not.

Fine.

Look it, your life's gonna be full of tests, Sunny.

You gotta just keep your eyes open

and see what the world tells you. You'll figure it out.

Thank you.

"Believe you can and you're halfway there."

Snuck a little TR there in the end, didn't you?

Couldn't help myself.

So...

why are we all wearing the same bucket hat?

Like, it could be our thing.

We'd be The Bucket Boys.

- Fuck that. - That was a nice try, Pig Tits.

- You're always gonna be Pig Tits. - Ah, fuck.

- Hey, guys. - Grg!

- Rooster! - Hey!

Did you see Tommy anywhere?

We were supposed to meet in my office, and he never showed.

- Nah. - He wasn't in Econ, either.

Maybe he's off sad somewhere because this guy

didn't ask him to be a Bucket Boy.

Fuck you guys.

Gimme some of that, Bucket Boy!

You don't even know what a Bucket Boy is, do you?

No, I don't.

Gentlemen.

Piggy Titty.

Walt, got your text. No, I will not create

a task force to find out who stole the school's mascot.

Nice try. Don't call back. He's gonna call back.

- Sorry. - No, it's alright.

Like seeing you in this boss mode.

Thanks. Ignore.

I wanted to talk to you about your poem Cherry Pop.

You get that I'm the cherry popper and that Eli is the cherry, right?

Okay, not everyone needs to know I was a virgin.

You're my muse, King. But you gotta wait outside.

I love this poem.

It's the first time you've written something

that feels personal.

- Shit, thank you. - I think that this is a piece

that could get into The Review.

So, I just made a few marks

to show you where you could push even further with yourself.

Be more vulnerable. What do you say?

I'm gonna go microdose my balls off and give it a shot.

Don't need to know how you get there.

I'm just excited to have a student with some promise.

- Eva is so talented. - She is.

Don't you encourage her too much. She's mine.

The world has plenty of fiction writers.

- Yeah. - I mean, what the hell is this?

They're only doing that 'cause I'm in town.

Do you know what they do when poets come to town?

Everybody goes crazy?

You are not funny.

Your face. You are so mad.

- Hey, Greg? - Oh, hey.

Entering but leaving the door open for both of our safety.

I know that must have looked strange, but I wasn't checking out my belly button.

It's okay.

Because it's good for me to see how deeply troubled you are.

- I am, thank you. - But I need your help.

What's going on?

Tommy says he's dropping out of school.

- Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. - I'm so mad.

This is such a huge opportunity for him.

I'm not going to let that happen.

Okay.

May I have your permission to get involved?

Yeah, feel free to hit him if you need to.

No, I'm not gonna hit him.

I love him, but sometimes I hate him.

Sure.

Did you know he was a 14-pound baby?

No. I would have never guessed.

- Thank you. - Okay.

Cristle...

I got this.

Don't do this.

What?

Don't make me fall for you again.

Oh, I'm not trying to do that. I just wanna help your son.

I just wanna help your son.

- Thank you, Greg. - You're welcome.

Right! Yugoslavia split from the Soviets.

Coming up in this episode, we got some forged letters.

Even got a cameo from the Greeks.

My God, I love those swarthy bastards.

Actually, don't write that down.

Yeah, I'm just gonna take that.

Great, okay. Right, let's get it popping. What caused this lover's quarrel?

Yes, Liv?

Tito resisted Stalin's attempts to control Yugoslavia's policies?

Brilliant, as always. Thank you.

God, we're so back.

Calm down, don't take your top off.

- At least he knows my name. - He knows my name.

...had even seen a growing resistance across the rest of the USSR.

- Yes, Liv? - Yeah, Heather here

was just saying that economic pressure from the West

also contributed to the split.

Great job, Heather. Thank you.

Great job, Heather.

Fucking cunt.