Kiss Me Nate

- Hey, bro, I swiped some lunches

from the teachers' lounge.

You want Bradford's bagel bites or Senor Noodleman's noodles?

Thanks, buddy,

but I got a special lunch planned with Allison.

I even reserved the bubblegum-free bench.

Hey! Don't you dare gum that bench.

- Hey there, all you hip cats and dolls,

it's your favorite teacher, Mr. Schecter

bringing you some drama for yo' mama.

Curtains up, people.

The drama club is casting its latest play.

"A Kiss From My Angel,"

so if you wanna be a star auditions are tomorrow.

Until then...stay jazzy!

- Hey, I didn't know Allison was in the drama club.

- Till a minute ago I didn't know we had a drama club.

- You worried about her getting the leading role in the play?

- Till a minute ago I didn't know this school did plays.

- Well, as her boyfriend, you should be worried.

It's Nate Lockhart.

He always get the lead and the leading ladies.

They always fall for him even if they already have a boyfriend.

- Yeah, do not trust him around your girlfriend.

That guy's a snake.

Hey, yo, Nate, you like noodles?

What? I don't have a girlfriend.

- You think I care about some dude in drama club?

Allison and I are fine.

- Hasn't she canceled lunch three times this week?

- Max, I have to cancel lunch today.

Four times this week.

- I have to rehearse for my audition.

If I'm lucky I'll be Nate's next leading lady.

Oh, he is so hot right now.

Uh, excuse me.

- You know, his public school drama career is on fire

and I wanna be close enough to catch some of that heat!

Talk to you later.

- Nate's on fire, but you're the one who got burned.

*

* What you see

* Is not what you get

* Livin' our lives with a secret *

* We fit right in

* Bet you never guessed

* 'Cause we're livin' our lives *

* Just like all the rest

* A picture perfect family *

* Is what we try to be

* Look closer, you might see *

* The crazy things we do

* This isn't make believe *

* It's our reality

* Just your average family

* Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble *

* Livin' a double life *

*

Hey, girls.

Just, uh...

Uh, Hattie, have I ever told you how awesome you are?

And Roxy, you're amazing.

- Max, why are you lying to my friends?

You know what I mean.

- You two should totally audition

for the female lead in the drama club's play.

- I can't audition. I get stage fright.

And I get stage rage.

Don't ask!

- So, Phoebe, have I ever told you how amazing you are?

Ha ha, Max.

I know you don't want Allison to get the lead and fall for Nate,

so if you want me to audition, you know what you gotta do.

Ugh, fine.

Listen up, everyone!

Phoebe is the best sister,

and you're all lucky to have her as a friend.

#TeamPhoebe.

- Okay, I just wanted you to say "Please,"

but that works, too.

- Wow, I didn't think it'd be that easy.

What's your angle? - No angle.

I happen to like you with Allison.

I'm actually surprised it's lasted this long.

I mean like shocked.

She's like so nice and pretty and you're like you.

Okay, I get it!

Here he comes. Ask him.

- Hey, Dad, do you go to the bathroom

standing up or sitting down?

Neither.

What he meant was...

can you build us a playhouse?

I'd love to.

You guys can play in it for a week and then forget about it,

a bunch of rats will move in, I'll have to tear it down.

Ooh, I'll accidentally poke myself

with a rusty nail and get lockjaw.

Ha ha ha, I can't wait.

- Sweet! We're getting a playhouse.

Your brain's a playhouse.

I'll build it for you.

- Sorry, Chloe, you can't build a playhouse with cuteness.

Nora, Dad says you can.

- Come on, maybe Mom will do it,

but you ask this time.

- Hey, Mom, can you build us a playhouse?

- Billy! Don't ask her that.

But you just said.

- You know Dad said Mom wasn't very good with tools

so we shouldn't ask her.

- But he said not to say anything.

Please don't tell him Billy blew it.

Of course not.

So, you kids want a playhouse, huh?

- I'm not sure what's going on anymore.

- Well, I would be happy to build one for you.

Let me just go find those tools I'm "not very good with."

- Okay, Max, I'm ready to practice for my audition.

- Oh, good, I brought in a celebrated actor

to help you prepare.

- Please tell me it's a Hemsworth brother.

Even furrier.

- Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

- Oh, maybe Romeo left-- just like I'm about to.

No, wait.

Seriously, Colosso's really good.

He could help you get the lead.

- And if you think you can do better, let's see it.

Fine.

Romeo! Romeo!

Wherefore art thou?

Romeo?

Oh, no, she's terrible.

Give her a break.

No, seriously, go over there

and break every bone in her body.

- Barb, are you building the kids a playhouse?

Yeah, despite the rumor,

it turns out I'm pretty good with tools.

Of course you are--

except I would've used screws not nails.

They last longer.

- Not what the directions say, Hank!

- Well, sometimes you just gotta follow your instincts.

Sorry, can't hear you!

I'm too busy using this hammer properly.

Just trying to help.

- I think we might be able to get two playhouses out of this.

Follow my lead.

- This isn't what you meant. Got it.

- I wish there was a way to know

who could build a better playhouse--

By the Book Barb or Freestylin' Hank.

- I don't know. Mom's already got a head start.

There's no way Dad could catch up.

- Yeah, it's not like he could fly away

and be back with an armful of lumber in 30 seconds.

- Fifteen! Freestylin' Hank, away!

- Hi, I'm Allison and I'll be doing a monologue

from the hit teen military comedy "Sergeant Selfie."

OMG! Today was my first day at boot camp and guess what?

These are the worst boots ever!

- Gouda, Gouda, Gouda! Buddha, Buddha, Buddha!

Blah, blah, blah!

- Allison's out there nailing it

and you're back here practicing barfs?

- I'm not barfing. This is a training exercise.

But you have to do great,

if you wanna beat Allison for the lead.

So remember, everything you did in my lair,

don't do that.

- Just leave me alone. I got this.

- Hi, I'm Phoebe Thunderman and I'll be performing a monologue--

Hold!

You call those angel wings?

I've seen prettier feathers on truck stop pigeons.

Pencil!

- Stand up straight. You're slouching.

Helping you.

Now move into the light.

Ugh, gross, your elbows look way bigger now.

Stop it!

I can do this without you.

For once in your life just trust me.

I know it's hard for you, but you have no choice,

'cause I'm the one up here, I'm the one doing the work.

I'm the one who's gonna crush it, all for you,

so just go back in the hole you crawled out of

and leave me alone.

I've seen enough!

Ha, no, that wasn't--

Next!

- Oh, I'm too nervous. I can't do it. You look.

Yes!

No-o-o.

- Oh, oh, oh, of course you did.

Your monologue was amazing.

It was like you were talking directly to

the person you hate the most.