Rhythm n' Shoes

¶

- Are you guys watching that video of Max eating

that spicy hot wing?

- No, because that video is not funny.

Ah, sure it is.

You were all like, "Ah, my tongue is melting."

- Actually, we're watching this viral video

of a wimpy survivalist

who totally freaks out over nothing.

Yeah.

The number-one rule to surviving in the wild is--

I want my mommy!

He calls his mom mommy, Mommy.

- What kind of loser can't handle one night in the wild?

Ha-ha!

- It's easy to judge someone from the comfort of your sofa.

- Barb, survival is in the Thunderman blood!

- Please. Max wouldn't last five minutes

in the wilderness without his hairdryer.

I don't have to.

I'm my own hairdryer.

Ahh-ahh!

You're smoking, Max.

Thank you, Chloe.

- No, no, no, your hair is actually smoking.

Ah, ah!

Make it stop! Make it stop! Ah, ah!

Freeze spray, freeze spray!

- See? Less outdoorsy, more indoor-sy.

Less camping, more glamping.

- Yeah, less tough, more...you could never survive in the wild.

Did you--did they---about us?

Uh.

Son, I will handle this.

Did you--did they--about us?

Look, there's no shame in it.

It's just who you guys are.

Oh, okay.

Thunder Men, we need to prove them wrong.

Tomorrow night, the great outdoors

becomes the great our doors.

I mean, we're going camping.

¶

Did you see this? What?

You go! I'll go!

You go!

Okay. I'll go.

They're dropping all 12 episodes of the new season

of "Best Chefs Forever" tonight!

This means the chefs survive the exploding the pork roast.

- You and I have to stay up all night and watch

the entire season so that nobody spoils it for us

at school on Monday.

Girls!

I had a totally brills idea!

- Mom, I thought we talked about you using words like "brills."

Sorry, I'm just super jazzed!

- Add jazzed to the list. - Yeah.

- Okay, since the boys are going camping,

I planned an old-fashion McBooger girls' night! What?

Tonight?

- It's finally time to introduce Chloe to all the fun traditions

we McBoogers had down on the family farm.

Hit it, Chloe!

- Mom, needs some cowbell, baby!

What are we gonna do?

- If we don't watch every single episode tonight,

it'll get spoiled, and our lives will be over.

- I know. One of us is gonna have to tell Mom

we already have plans. You tell her!

No, you tell her! You tell her!

Oh, there's nothing I would want more in this world

then one night with my girls.

Or maybe a pig or two.

Soiee!

¶

- Mosquito net? - Check!

- Sleeping bags? - Check!

- Prove to the girls that we have survival skills?

Oooh, that's a big check!

Yeah!

How dare they say we're not outdoorsy?

- Yeah! We're outdoors right now.

Help me with my bag, Dad.

- Oooh! What is in this thing?

Feels like you're carrying a ton of rocks.

I am.

Whoa!

- Well, I've managed to pack all my survival looks

into only eight bags.

- Hold up, Colosso, you're not coming.

- A bunny can't survive in nature.

- Where do you think bunnies are from?

France.

- Sorry, Colosso, but this trip is for the Thunder men only.

You understand, right?

Uh, yeah, totally.

Uh, I was joking.

These suitcases are empty.

- - Ah!

Uh, this is all still part of the joke.

So are these tears.

Time to go.

Grab ahold, boys.

Thunder men, off to survive!

¶

- Thunder men, we barely survived!

The bats were in my hair!

My hair!

- And those squirrels stole my jerky!

My jerky!

- Then I saw that scary Sasquatch bathing in the river.

Yes, that was a Sasquatch.

Uh, I guess we better tell the girls they were right

about us not being able to survive outdoors.

Dad, we can't tell them that!

We'll never hear the end of it!

Let's just sneak into my lair, hide out,

and return in the morning after a night full of "nature."

- No, I'm not gonna lie to your mom.

Me neither.

We can order pizza.

We're in!

¶

¶ What you see is not what you get ¶

¶ Living our lives with a secret ¶

¶ We fit right in, bet you'd never guess ¶

¶ Because we're living our lives just like all the rest ¶

¶ A picture-perfect family is what we try to be ¶

¶ But closer you might see the crazy things we do ¶

¶ This isn't make-believe ¶

¶ It's our reality ¶

¶ Just your average family trying to be normal ¶

¶ And stay out of trouble ¶

¶ Living a double life ¶¶

I want my mommy!

What a loser!

Oh, can't handle the wild.

Pathetic.

- - Ah!

It was all Max's idea, Barb!

It's just the pizza.

I know it's the pizza.

I did not know it was the pizza.

- Sorry, I'd give you a tip, but I'm camping.

Okay, guys, before we eat, need to cover our tracks

and send the girls proof that we're in the wild.

- Ooh, you can't make me go back there!

Relax.

All we have to do is stage a photo of us camping.

Dad, remember that picture I sent you

from the Statue of Liberty?

Remember it?

I made a T-shirt out of it!

- Well, there's something you should know.

- I've been wearing a lie.

- Does this mean you weren't at the running of the bulls?

Max, watch out!

- As your father, I am very disappointed!

But as a partner in a lie, I say, take us to the forest.

Say, "Surviving!"

Surviving!

Howdy-do!

Gather round, farm girls, and let's get in the McBooger spirit

with some hay facials,

a little jug band music. -

And...

- Please say watching "Best Chefs Forever."

Pin the tail on the alpaca!

What's an alpaca?

- Oh, uh, it's kinda like a fluffy dog that spits.

- Mom's family raised alpacas on their farm.

- Not to brag, but we were the most respected

alpaca breeders in the tristate area.

- Were there many alpaca breeders in the tristate area?

No, just us.

Howdy-do!

Hey, got room for one more farm girl?

- Sorry, Colosso, but this is reserved

for McBooger girls only, so get to hopping.

Uh, yeah, totally.

I was just joking.

I didn't want to hang out with you guys.

Another Colosso joke scores.

- I have an idea. Follow my lead.

Hey, Mom, why don't you take the first hay mask?

- Well, I did work my buns off setting this thing up.

Yeah, you sure did.

Now hit the hay. - Oh!

- And stay as cool as a cucumber

while you listen to the calming sounds of the farm.

Ah, isn't this nice?

Just us McBooger gals bonding?

- Yep. - You said it.

- Whatcha watching? - Sssh.