The Ren & Stimpy Show

Look, Stimpy !

Now, there's the life.

Oh, look at the cute little babies.

Cute nothin'-- they're deadbeats !

Babies have the world's easiest life.

People feed 'em, they clothe 'em,

they carry them everywhere they go,

and they expect nothing in return.

Why, I hear tell...

that they don't even have to wipe themselves.

Nooo !

Yeaaah !

All right, drop the act !

I got a proposition for you.

I'll give you 50 bucks

if the two of you take a permanent vacation.

Out of the way, Jackson.

You're holdin' up the parade.

So long, chumps.

Hey, give me a hand, will ya ?!

Ah, hit the road !

Aahhh !

You know, Stimpy, this is the best scam yet.

I'm tellin' ya, we got it made.

Poopie time !

( footsteps approaching, humming )

My babies !

Have we made poopies ?

Hmm...

no poopies ?

Well, we won't tell daddy this time,

but next time, we want to see poopies.

Well, let's see if Shawn did any better.

Oh, my !

What a good boy !

Ahem.

How wonderful !

Your papa will be so proud.

Yes, you're my little stinky bear !

Mom always liked you best !

Puh !

Honey, I'm home.

Where are my big boys ?

Ah, there they are.

Hey, tiger, whatcha know ?

Ahh... isn't Shawn adorable ?

He looks just like you.

Yeah, he sure does.

But I still can't believe

I let you talk me into giving him that name.

Now, Eugene here-- there's a boy's name.

Hey, tough guy, think fast !

See those reflexes, hon ?

And a grip to match.

Yeah, you're gonna be a tough guy.

That's right.

Yeah, you're gonna wallop all your friends.

You're gonna be a big strapping fellow,

maybe even a bully, huh ?

Just like your grandpa.

I won't have that man's name spoken in this house !

Okay, honey, if that's important to you.

Give your daddy a big old hug !

Honey, I think it's time the boys learned to walk.

Ooh, honey, I think it's too soon.

Come on, hon.

They can't hide under their mother's skirt forever.

Ohh, okay.

But if my boys get rickets, we'll know who to blame.

Come on, boys, come to daddy !

That's it, don't be afraid.

That's amazing, they learned so fast.

Hmm...

they need something more challenging.

Now, honey,

I think that is a little too early.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Whew ! Whew !

Hey, Eugene, let's play your favorite game.

One, two...

upsy daisy !

Up... sy daisy.

( Ren's teeth chattering )

Up... sy--

Uh ? Oh.

Look, hon, I told you he had grandpa's grip.

That's quite enough roughhousing.

It's time for the family bath.

Oh, boy, bath time !

Honey, this is nice.

This is what family is about.

Honey ?

Yep, there's nothing like a hot bath

to settle one's digestion.

Hmm...

hold the boys while I go to the door.

What can I do for you, officer ?

We found these boys hanging out down at the track.

They claim to be yours.

There must be some mistake, officer.

My boys are safe in the bathtub

with their mom and grandpa.

Hey, you two !

You blew our cover !

I want my 50 back !

Come on, give it to me.

Oh, you want 50 ?

Hey !

Hey, what are you doing ?

Let me go !

Ya-ahh !

You want 50 ?!

I'll give ya 50 !

One... two...

three...

Stimpy, help me !

Four...

let me go.

Five... six...

that's enough !

Seven...

you're hitting me, aren't you ?

Eight, nine !

I don't like that !

Today is the biggest event of the year--

the all breed dog show.

Hello, I'm George liquor... American !

I want you to meet a real champion show dog.

My prize miniature great Dane-- champy !

Look at the little rascal.

Show us your lipstick.

That's a good boy !

Now, a champion show dog possesses many fine traits.

Like dental hygiene, for instance.

Just look at those gums.

You think gums like this come cheap ?

No, sir.

You've got to massage them.

There you go.

Now, don't be stingy with your love.

Ah, hah...

how about that ?

What's this crap ?

Your dog got one of these ?

Yeah, I'll bet it does.

To be a real champion,

your dog must have its tail bobbed.

Easy now.

There, that's pretty.