Harley Quinn

Ives, I'm sorry, but listen, I--

You knew Lena killed Frank,

and you asked for her help anyway,

and now she's stolen Frankette!

I did what I had to do to save you.

You would have done the exact same thing!

No, I would not! Frankette was the last piece

of fuckin' Frank that I had left.

And thanks to you, she's with the person who murdered him!

Ives, if there was literally anything else I could've done,

I would have!

You chose to trust a Luthor without telling me.

What happened

to all the "we need to be honest with each other

about everything" stuff?

Okay, it wasn't like

I had a lot of time to make the decision!

Your actual life was on the line.

It would have taken two seconds, Harley.

"Hey, Ivy, should I trust this evil woman

who killed your plant-son?" "No." See how fast that was?

Fine. At least we agree on one thing.

Lena is a fucking lunatic,

and we need to fucking kill her!

Who knows what she's gonna do

now that she has control of Brainiac's ship!

Hey! Where are you going?

I'm going to get Frankette back and take care of Lena.

Yes! Let's fucking go!

No! Stop!

You've done enough! I will take care of it alone.

Ivy, wait, listen! We can talk about this!

Shit!

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Dad, hi. Now is not the time for your whatever bullshit

that you think you're--

Your mother is dead!

Oh, my God! What happened?

I'll tell you everything when you get here.

But get here quick.

Bruce, I need to get to Lena.

That makes two of us.

Ugh... Shit!

When she said she needed some space,

I didn't think she meant

she was literally going up to a spaceship.

She was always so busy.

I thought she was planning galas and soirees and fetes,

you know, female billionaire stuff.

You can just say, "billionaire."

Turns out she was sneaking off to see some alien guy.

And worst of all, I had to find out via musical.

Bruce, we gotta move this along. Seriously.

Maybe she's taking a break from screen time.

I'll just her up once more.

Ugh. This fucking guy.

Ugh!

You're still here?

I don't need you anymore.

Stop it immediately. You cannot do this.

I can't?

Well, would you look at that? I can!

Because I'm in charge, Brainy.

You really screwed everything up

with your depressive episode.

And now that I've unscrewed it,

I can get this city bottle-ready.

Oh, really? Well, to that I say...

Wrong finger, dumbass.

Not on my planet.

In fact, this is the most offensive hand gesture

in the entire galaxy surrounding Colu.

Oh, yeah? Well, then up yours too.

How dare you! Take that!

Now to get back to--

Bro, for fuck's sake!

Take a hint.

Oh, my God.

Okay, you know what? That's enough.

I'm starting to think our relationship isn't going well.

Do you have any advice?

You and Harley are pretty solid.

Well, actually, I'm pretty pissed at Harley right now.

She never thinks before she does. And she kind of--

Oh! Okay.

Why does this keep happening to me?

I mess up all my relationships.

Talia, Catwoman. and now, Lena.

Well, you know, you have a type.

- I like brunettes. - Hey, Bruce,

we got to move this along. Focus, please.

How do I get to Lena?

You're a billionaire.

You must have a spaceship I could borrow.

That's an offensive stereotype.

Not all billionaires have spaceships

or unsuspended licenses to fly them.

This is fucking pointless. This is pointless.

That's what Lena would say...

...when we had literally any conversation.

It was such a good bit.

What about the teleporter in Lena's place?

Good luck getting past the security system

I gave her for our 15-day anniversary.

The intruder response is devastating.

Okay, Well... how do I disable it?

Enter the override code. Duh.

What is the code, Bruce?

Oh, Jesus!

Come on. Oh, buddy, bring it in.

- It's okay. - I set it myself.

- Give me a second. - Oh, my God.

The code is "BruceandLenaforever."

because we were supposed to be together forever.

I miss her so much.

Well, you're gonna miss her a lot more

when I'm done with her. And also, you've got ice cream

on your... like--

You know what? Just take a shower after this.

Ah. Oh, Harleen,

what took you so long?

Jesus Christ!

- You cremated her already? - Nah.

These are the treats for losing weight.

Okay. What happened?

How did she--

Oh, honey... It was horrible!

She went out to pick up some of those, you know,

vegan sausages.

We've gone vegan these past three months,

and I got to tell you, I feel great.

I lost 12 pounds.

Anyway, anyway...

Some motherfucker

left an uncontrolled shopping cart train

in the parking lot.

Thirty carts knocked right into her...

...shoving her

into the path of a big-rig.

Oh, my God! That is horrible!

Yeah, well, I wish that was the end of this.

The big-rig dragged your mother's body for six blocks,

until it was dislodged

right by that dog cafe.

I couldn't even recognize her face.

Nick, honey, I'm in the tub.

Oh, you disgusting piece of shit.

I should've known!

No, no, no, no. You don't want to go in there.

My stomach is still getting used to the vegan stuff

and it smells like shit--

Who are you talking to?

- Mom? - Harley, honey!

I didn't know you were coming to visit.

Ah. It's a miracle!

- Oh, hello, my dear. - Okay.

My name's Gail. How can I help ya?

Hi there!

I am a friend of Lena's,

uh, and she asked me to check on the place

while she's away.

So I just wanted to get in there and do my job.

Oh, wow, you are such a good friend.

Ah. So I'll just go in there

and make sure everything's okay.

Oh, I'll just need you to sign in before I let you through.

Okay, so to sign in--

I'm sorry, who... Who are you?

I'm Gail!

And signing in won't take more than two seconds.

We should just probably move things along.

just 'cause I have another, uh, sort of, urgent appointment

right after this.

- So I just-- - Oh?

What is the appointment for, hon?

Uh, I'm getting my hair done.

Ooh. That's so exciting.

I used to be within spitting distance of your hair color.

- You're kidding! - Now I'm snow on the roof,

no fire in the oven. You know what I'm saying?

Wow, that's one way to put it.

But now I'm just old and invisible.

Oh... I don't think that's... You're not invisible.

- I see ya. - Oh, you're sweet.

- It's just tough, you know... - Is it?

I'm all alone.

Well, sometimes you have to just, like, do things alone.

because the person you depend on is like, you know--

Can we just, like, move the sign in along,

you know, only just 'cause I want to get in there

- and do the thing? - Almost there.

I just need to open this up.

Now let me see...

I know how to do this.

- Uh-huh. - Swipe this part.

Swipe...

Oh, I... I think it is my thumbprint? Or is it...

Oh, it's a face thing. Ah.

Oh, God. Okay.

- Put my face up to it here... - Yeah...